Brady and I had such a good week last week. We are totally back on. On Tuesday, he texted me asking me if I wanted to get together for lunch. I said of course and he told me that he would swing by and pick me up. And since he was picking me up, I made him come all the way up to the office to meet everyone. I talk about Brady at work a lot, but none of my coworkers (except Luke) have met him. So I was excited for everyone to see him and that he’s a real person.

That night I slaved away in the kitchen making a healthy sweet potato and kale dish that even Lindsey could enjoy. So proud of myself! Speaking of which, Lindsey found an apartment! Hallelujah! She moves in next Friday and I’m so excited for her (and myself).

When we were done eating, Brady and I retreated to the living room and had a mature conversation about living together. I kind of confronted him about how he felt about living with me because Carly told me that Chris told her that Brady said I was getting on his nerves. I wasn’t going to hold it against him (I know I can get annoying), but I needed Brady to tell me it himself.

“So like, if I’m getting on your nerves, you can tell me. I’m not an easy person to live with and if we are ever going to get married, I need to change my bad habits,” I said.

Brady sighed like he was stressed. “Reese, it’s fine. Living with you is fine.”

“Well I know that isn’t true. You’re only making yourself miserable, you know,” I said.

He laughed.

“Don’t you feel like you’ve outgrown this place though? If we are going to stay in Chicago we need something bigger,” I said.

“There’s plenty of space and storage in the basement,” Brady pointed out.

I made a face. “But it’s so far. We don’t live down there.” I can go weeks without ever stepping foot in the basement. It’s like a party destination and I want nothing to do with it.

“I don’t think I’ve outgrown it here. It’s perfect.”

“Well, I think if we are going to live together in Chicago indefinitely then we need something bigger. Maybe not right now, but eventually. And we should keep our eyes open now for anything that might come up.”

Brady nodded. “Okay.” I felt like he wanted to say something else, but that was the end of that.

The next morning, Brady woke up at the ass crack of dawn like he normally does and for some reason I was ready to get up too. So we got ready together and Brady took me to Starbucks then to work. I was the first one to the office (obviously because it was 6:00 am) and during the hours I waited for everyone else to show up, I put together my cute little scrapbook for Brady with all our pictures and stuff. Shoutout to Pinterest for all the ideas.

Diana called me in her office later. She wanted to give me a list of things she wants me to be in charge of after she leaves. I asked her if there was anyone in mind to replace her and she said no and that Dave probably wouldn’t replace her for a while. That’s weird. That kind of makes me wonder if she voluntarily left or if something else happened. I feel like every company is downsizing these days and maybe we are one of them.

On Thursday night, Brady, Lindsey and I tried a new vegan restaurant for dinner. I’m from Texas and I effing love meat, but I thought I’d branch out and try something new. It wasn’t bad, but I would definitely prefer ribs or a cheeseburger.

I feel like I can talk to anyone about just about anything and I hardly feel like I don’t have anything to contribute to a conversation, but sometimes with Brady and Lindsey I feel like I don’t have anything intelligent to say. During dinner, they discussed the legalization of marijuana, the pros and cons of yearly flu shots, the Democratic debate and the housing market in Chicago versus Boston and the east coast. I definitely need to be more well rounded because none of those topics were interesting to me.

Brady and I are visiting his parents the first weekend in November. I suggested a vacation because we both deserve one, and Brady mentioned that he needed to go home for his dad’s party. I didn’t say anything so he was like, “Do you want to come or no?”

“Why are you even going? You can’t stand being around your parents,” I asked, sounding a lot more bitter than I intended.

Brady shrugged. “They are expecting me.”

So I told him I would go. One of his cousins is getting married the following weekend in New York so I told him I would go with him there too. Can’t wait to get out of Chicago! I told him that we need a real vacation soon though. Like a relaxing one without either of our crazy families. Any suggestions? Nothing really sounds that great to me right now.

On Saturday night some of Brady’s friends came over to watch sports and drink beer. I intended to hide out with my laptop and shop, but Lindsey insisted she didn’t want to be the only girl. So I grabbed my laptop, my faux fur throw, and my slippers and curled up in an armchair while everyone talked. Again, I didn’t contribute to the conversation at all.

It never really occurred to me before, but Brady is a completely different person when he is around his guy friends, especially when he’s drinking. I was submitting my Nordstrom order when I heard Brady say, “Oh God, she’s such a slut.”

That got my attention.

One of the guys said, “Total slutbag. Decent set of tits too.”

Ew. I decided not to confront Brady about the inappropriate conversation right then (can’t be the crazy girlfriend all the time!), but I forgot to talk to him about it later. Oh well.

Brady and I went grocery shopping together on Sunday and it was actually the most successful shopping trip we’ve ever had. He didn’t say no to me at all (sometimes he will tell me I can’t get Oreos because I’ll finish them in a day and stuff like that) plus we got everything we need for breakfast and dinner this week! Wifey victories!

Sorry this post is kind of short. Not much happened over the last week. And guys, thanks for sharing your unromantic and awful virginity with me on my last post. I don’t think y’all understand how traumatized I was by Jacob. It’s kind of ridiculous, but that was my first real heartbreak (besides Britney Spears stealing my boyfriend Justin Timberlake. Bitch). I went to therapy for that, but I wasn’t very receptive, kind of like how I was with Laura during my first session. I bet if I would’ve actually utilized all the therapy my mom put me in since I was a child, I wouldn’t be such a psycho now! Oh well! Have a great week y’all!

I guess I will tell the story of one of my regrets. I’m not one of those people who says, “I don’t have any regrets. I’m happy where I am today etc.” I’m not ashamed to admit I have a ton of regrets. While I’m happy with where I am in life right now, there are some things I would totally go back and change.

I’ll share the story of when I lost my virginity. I was never the kind of girl who was saving myself for a special guy or marriage or anything like that. I kind of just wanted to get rid of it. A lot of my friends were sexually active and it felt like I was the last one with my v-card. I wasn’t about to give it up to just anyone though.

When I was a senior in high school I started talking to this guy who we will call Jacob. Jacob was a junior or senior at UH and he played on the football team. We met on Facebook. We had been friends for a while (I can’t remember who added who), and one night he messaged me asking if I was going to this party. I had no idea about the party, but I pretended I was undecided so I could get some details about it. I was like, “Oh, I’m not sure yet. Where is it at again?” Once I got all the information about the party, I contacted my friends and let them know we were crashing a party. Brittany was like, “Ugh, I already planned on going to that party anyway.” Of course.

It was on a Friday night. Brittany drove us to the apartment not far from campus. I remember first spotting Jacob in the kitchen, tossing the ball in beer pong. Even though he was leaning over the table I could tell he was really tall. He had brown hair, bushy dark eyebrows and blue eyes that I could see all the way from across the room. One really distinct feature about Jacob is the small mole on the side of his face a la Enrique Iglesias. I thought it was really cute for some reason. When we walked in the kitchen, he looked up at me with his pretty eyes and smiled.

Jacob and I made out before we ever had an actual conversation. A few of us were standing out on the balcony hanging out when I suddenly felt someone’s arm around me. Jacob!

He leaned down close to me and asked, “What was your name again?”

“Reese,” I answered.

And then Jacob leaned down and kissed me. We stood there making out for like a minute then he pulled away and said, “Are you having fun yet?”

“Yeah, kinda,” I replied.

“Come meet my friends,” Jacob said then pulled me inside. We went down the hall to a back bedroom where a bunch of guys were sitting and drinking. He actually didn’t introduce me to anyone and instead sat down on a bean bag chair and pulled me on his lap.

All the guys were talking and pretty much ignoring my entire existence. Jacob kept an arm around me, but didn’t say anything to me for a while as he talked to his friends. Then he leaned back so he was close to my ear and said, “You’re so cute, you know that right?”

He just had a way of sucking me in. I don’t know if it was because he was hot or because he was a college football player or because I loved the way he talked to me, but I was instantly infatuated with him and almost like, attached to him. I didn’t want to leave his side.

One of the friends wanted to go on a food run and Jacob turned to me and said, “You coming?” And he was looking at me expectantly, like if I said no he would be heartbroken. I nodded.

We ran into Brittany and my friends on our way out.

“We’re going to get food,” I informed her.

She turned to Jacob and narrowed her eyes at him. His arm was still around me because at this point we were practically attached at the hip.

“You better take care of my friend,” Brittany said, pointing an accusatory finger in his face.

Jacob flashed her an award winning smile. “Relax. I got her.” And then he brought my hand up to his face and kissed it.

So we all piled into an SUV and due to lack of space, I ended up on Jacob’s lap again. He held onto my hips, taking care of me just like he promised Brittany. We took a sharp turn and I slid further into his lap and I could feel his boner on my lower back. I turned around and smiled coyly at him.

Jacob smiled back and whispered, “It’s cuz I like you.”

We went to Whataburger and ate then headed back to the party. On our way inside, Jacob stopped me and said, “Give me your number.” I recited it to him and he put it in his phone. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that was his way of saying goodbye. We got back into the party and he kissed me quickly before disappearing.

After that we texted all day, everyday and would spend hours on the phone at night. Usually he would call me around 10:00-10:30 and we would stay on the phone until 5:00 in the morning. I was freaking obsessed with him. It was ridiculous how much time I spent on my phone either texting him or talking to him. Kendra seemed really concerned and kept asking, “How old is he again?” and “What does he want with you?” I insisted that he was just a nice guy and we were vibing which was true. Back then I didn’t even know I could talk to a guy that much and not get sick of him.

The first time we hung out after the party, he invited me to his off campus apartment. We hung out with his friends in the common area for a little while then Jacob motioned for me to follow him down the hallway to his room.

When we were alone, he said, “I’m so glad you’re here, babe.” Aww. I was “babe.” He pushed me on the bed and we spent the next few hours making out, dry humping and with his hands down my pants. When he tried to take my jeans completely off, I stopped him because I wasn’t sure if I was ready to actually have sex with him.

The next time we hung out, I decided I was. We had spent the evening at a house party playing beer pong with vodka so we were trashed by the time we got back to Jacob’s apartment. We ended up in his bed and I was on top of him. He was trying to put his penis in me, but he seemed to have a mild case of whiskey dick and couldn’t get hard enough. Eventfully, I took charge and grabbed his penis and stroked it a bit before forcing myself on it. I don’t know who I thought I was because I had never done this and had no idea what I was doing.

I can’t remember it lasting very long, but Jacob was just kind of laying there. He let out a moan here and there, but let me do most of the work. It wasn’t great and kind of hurt, but I was excited to be losing my virginity – especially to Jacob. I noticed his face all squished up so I looked down and saw that he came without even telling me (obviously we were too stupid to use a condom).

The next morning, I woke up in Jacob’s bed and he was laying next to me snoring. I felt a weird, wet sensation between my legs so I got up to use the bathroom and investigate. I was shocked and horrified when I saw that my underwear was filled with blood! I literally screamed. Luckily though, after further investigation, I realized that the blood was contained to just my panties and wasn’t all over Jacob’s bed.

I was obsessed with him before so imagine how in love with him I was after we had sex. I wanted to spend every waking hour with him. It was sick. We had sex every weekend for a few weeks, almost always after a night of drinking. It was never particularly great, but I thought that was just how sex was. I was thinking, “Oh, I’ve been waiting to do this? Meh.” But it was with Jacob so I continued.

One Friday night, there was a bonfire and of course, I asked Jacob if he would be there. He informed me that he would and that he’d see me there. I really wanted him to pick me up so we could arrive together (desp, I know), but I figured we’d meet up eventually and spend the entire evening together.

So I got ready – putting on cut off denim shorts and two tank tops to show off the girls (remember when wearing two layered tank tops was in fashion?) and Brittany came to pick me up. When I got there I texted Jacob, “Are you here yet?” He didn’t reply quick enough so I called him. No answer. I put my ringer on loud and hung out with my girls while waiting for him to call back.

He didn’t call back. But I ran into him a little bit later. I saw the back of him first, but it appeared that he had his arm around a girl so I wasn’t sure if it was him. I mean, it couldn’t be. We were a thing, right? Then they turned around and it was indeed Jacob. He was with a girl. Tall. Blonde. Legs that went on forever. His arm was around her and her hand met his near her shoulder, their fingers laced together.

“Hey you,” Jacob smirked at me.

Before even responding, I stepped forward and pulled their hands apart because I couldn’t just stand there watching some girl canoodle with my man. The girl said, “What the hell?” before Jacob even registered what was happening.

“Dude,” was all he said and put his hands up like he was surrendering.

“What the fuck are you doing, Jacob?” I demanded. Can I just reiterate how infatuated I was with this boy?

“What are you talking about?” Jacob asked, looking completely and utterly confused.

Brittany was still standing near me and grabbed my arm to pull me away from the drama. I was seriously embarrassing myself and she was nice enough to try to save me.

“Do you like me or not?” I asked, sounding like the desperate high school girl that I was.

“I barely even know you, dude.”

The blonde girl grabbed Jacob’s bicep and they both scowled at me before walking away.

“Ass,” Brittany muttered and then continued on with the bonfire like my heart hadn’t just been ripped out.

I pretended I didn’t care and stayed at the bonfire until my friends were ready to leave. Kendra sensed something was up, but I told her I was just tired. I even kept yawning to make it more believable.

I texted Jacob before we left, “What’s your problem?” and he responded, “Don’t talk to me. You’re crazy.”

I was depressed for two solid months. Like really depressed (enough to need therapy). I couldn’t do anything without thinking about Jacob and how disgusted I was with myself for allowing it happen. He texted me a few weeks later to see if I wanted to come over. Can you believe the fucking nerve of that asshole? Needless to say I didn’t respond and I never saw him again after the bonfire. He ended up moving to Colorado.

None of my friends knew that I had sex with him or worse, that I’d lost my virginity to him. To this day, even Kendra doesn’t know. They would kill me (and back then, I thought I deserved it). I don’t know if what happened with Jacob made me the way I am now, but I totally regret ever having sex with him. I definitely learned from it, but yikes. I should have known better.

Brady didn’t respond to my sweet email. In fact, we didn’t talk at all during the day on Monday. So I avoided going home. I stayed at the office working and looking up apartments for Lindsey. I kind of promised her that I would find her somewhere to live since she’s so busy with her new job and I wanted to have plenty of places for her to choose from.

At around 11:00 PM Brady texted me asking me if I was coming home. As if I had anywhere else to go! I replied, “Yes, will you come pick me up from work?” Brady said he would so I packed my things up and waited for him to arrive. We talked about our days on the ride home, took showers then got in bed.

“I’m sorry about bringing up Jessica again,” I said, just to clear the air. We were get along and neither of us had said anything about it, but posting about it on the blog had made me feel bad.

“It’s fine. I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” he replied.

“Mmkay,” I said snuggling him.

The next day I decided to work from home. I slept in then spent some time researching and sourcing. I got burnt out pretty early on and started looking on Zillow for condos for me and Brady to buy. I just wanted to see what’s out there, but then I fell in love with one and thought Brady would like it too. 3 bedrooms, two baths, a huge master suite with a separate shower and tub, two freaking decks, marble and wood everywhere. There was even already a nursery! It was so cute. I thought Brady would be annoyed with me if I emailed it to him so I saved it for later.

I took my party to the living room and had like six different tabs open so I could work and also shop and find apartments for Lindsey. Who says I’m not a multitasker? At around 1:00 PM, I heard the front door open. After a few seconds, Brady appeared in the living room. He looked at me like he was confused.

“What are you doing here?” he asked me.

“I’m working from home today,” I explained.

“Looks like you’re working pretty hard,” Brady said sarcastically, gesturing to my closed laptop on the table. I had taken a break and was busy watching the Food Network.

“I took a break, obviously,” I said trying really hard not to be a defensive bitch.

“Didn’t you take Friday off too? How are you justifying all these days off to your boss? Don’t you have a team relying on you?” he continued.

“Brady, it’s fine. They know what they’re doing and they’re allowed to work remotely if they want to as well. Why are you starting a fight with me?” I said calmly.

“I’m not starting a fight with you,” he replied. “But your work ethic has decreased significantly since I met you.”

Excuse me? Brady walked away and I got up to follow him. “That isn’t true. Take it back.”

“It is true. How many times a week do you skip work so you can hang out with your friends or sit at home and watch television?”

“Um, not even once a week.”

He didn’t say anything as he poured a glass of orange juice. I just stood there glaring at him.

“Why are you even home right now?” I asked.

“I’m allowed to come to my own home on my lunch break,” he responded.

I did not like whoever this person was, but it was clearly not my sweet, soft spoken boyfriend. I walked back in the living room and didn’t talk to him again until he shouted goodbye as he was leaving to go back to work.

I must have been feeling guilty because I went to the office for the remainder of the workday. When I got home, Lindsey was home and making spaghetti squash for dinner. I’m not a big squash person so I ordered a pizza. She assured me that she wasn’t offended.

Brady got home really late and I was already in bed for the night. After he showered he got in bed with me. Since he had gotten home, we had been nice to each other so I figured we were fine. So I climbed on top of him, straddling his stomach. We hadn’t done anything sexual since our fight about Jessica and obviously we both needed to release some tension.

Brady yawned. He actually yawned while I was on top of him.

“I’m tired, Reese,” he said and it came out as more of a whine.

I climbed off. “Okay.”

Brady snuggled me and I wanted to push him off because I was bitter, but I didn’t.

On Wednesday night I was sitting on the bed painting my nails while Brady worked in the dining room. My phone was sitting on the nightstand charging and while I was leaning over responding to a text, I guess the bottle of red nail polish tipped over onto the bed. I put my phone down and saw the red puddle on the bed and let out a little scream. I jumped up to clean it up and of course that was the exact moment Brady decided to walk in.

“What happened?” he asked as I stripped the comforter off the bed. He somehow already knew that I’d done something bad.

“Nothing,” I said quickly, but Brady saw it.

“Are you fucking kidding? Reese!” he exclaimed.

“It’s fine. I’ll wash it and it’ll be like new,” I said calmly.

“Why would you paint your nails on the bed? Do you think?”

“Yes!” I kind of yelled. I now had the comforter balled up in my arms ready to go in the washer.

Brady stormed out and I went to wash the comforter. I felt bad and I was sick of arguing with him so I decided to go apologize. He wasn’t in the dining room so I went to find him. We ran into each other right outside the living room.

“Hey, I’m sorry about the nail polish. Do you want me to buy you a new comforter if it doesn’t come out?” I said. I’m proud of myself for finding him and apologizing because I used to never like to apologize to people.

“No, I want you to use your brain!” he snapped.

It really took all I had not to punch him.

“This is not working out,” I blurted out. “All you do is fucking yell at me and I’m not dealing with it anymore. I’m done.”

To my surprise, Brady said, “I could not agree more.”

I stood there gaping at him for a moment. Wait. What? When I realized what he said and that he agreed with me, I walked around him to the bedroom. Without even thinking about it, I pulled out an overnight bag and started throwing clothes in it. I texted Preston, “I’m coming over.”

Before Preston could text back or Brady could come find me, I grabbed my shit and headed out. Luckily Preston was home and I immediately collapsed on his bed.

“Need a drink, boo?” he asked me.

“Please,” I replied.

Preston made us screwdrivers and I told him what happened. He actually rolled his eyes at me.

“What?” I said. “I didn’t think he would agree with me. But maybe it is for the best.”

“Brady isn’t the kind of guy who is going to play your games with you,” Preston said. “You know that, right?”

I pouted.

“Here’s what I think,” Preston said and I braced myself for the worst. “I think you need a break from each other. Obviously neither of you are used to all this togetherness. You can stay here for a while. I know Kendra is busy trying to make a baby with her hubby.”

“Okay…” I said.

“After a week or so, see if being apart is really what you want. My guess is that you’ll both be miserable and go running back to each other.”

I considered this for a second. I totally appreciated Preston offering to let me stay in his little studio apartment, but suddenly I needed to get away – like far away.

“I think I’m going to Houston,” I stated.

“Houston?” Preston repeated.

“Yeah. I need to see my parents and grandparents. I’ll just go for the weekend.” I pulled out my phone and began looking for flights for Thursday. I noted that Brady hadn’t contacted me at all. I mean, it’s Brady so it’s not like I thought he would, but it happened so suddenly and quickly that I thought maybe he might. I left without even saying goodbye.

Preston continued talking, but I was preoccupied booking a ticket to Houston for the next morning. I couldn’t fucking wait to flee the city. After we finished our drinks I made Preston go to McDonald’s and split a happy meal with me. Then I turned off my phone so I would stop checking it to see if Brady was checking on me. He wasn’t so obviously he didn’t care.

I woke up at 7:00 on Thursday morning and I needed to go home and pack some things for the weekend then go to the airport for my 11:00 flight. When I turned my phone on, I had new messages from literally everyone except Brady. Even Andrew had texted me. I was so annoyed. Before I went home, I texted Lindsey asking if Brady was home. He usually goes to work earlier, but I just wanted to make sure the coast was clear. Lindsey assured me that he was at work.

But Brady was sitting outside on the two stairs leading into the house when I got there. When he saw me approaching the gate he stood up to greet me. He was wearing work clothes and I was really confused as to why he was home.

“Hey,” Brady said as I walked through the gate. He held his arms out like he expected a hug or something.

I didn’t reply.

“I’m sorry.” He dropped his hands back at his side.

I glared at him. “Now you’re sorry?”

“I am. I didn’t realize how bad it got. I’m sorry, Reese.”

I didn’t say anything.

“I want this to work. I’m tired of fighting with you too.”

I glanced behind him and said, “I don’t have time for this right now. I have a flight to catch.”

Brady looked confused. “Where are you going?”

“Home! To Houston. My grandparents want to see me,” I said. I flipped my hair and walked around him inside.

“Oh. Do you want me to take you to the airport?” Brady asked, following me.

“I don’t care.”

Brady sat on the bed and watched me while I threw a bunch of stuff in my bag. Him watching me was making me nervous so I tried to finish as quickly as I could. The car ride to the airport was relatively silent, aside from Brady trying to make small talk. I gave short, one word answers because I didn’t want to get too involved. Not until we figured something out.

When we got to the airport, Brady got out and tried to rush around to open the door and get my bag for me.

“I got it!” I snapped at him.

He held up his hands innocently. “Okay, I’m sorry for trying to help.”

I started to walk off and Brady grabbed my hand. “I love you.”

I snatched my hand away and said, “Okay, bye!” before rushing inside.

Naturally I spent my entire flight to Houston being super fucking confused and wondering what I was going to do with Brady. I know I don’t know what I want (I’m a girl, do any of us?), but I was thinking that Brady definitely doesn’t know what he wants. It gave me a headache. When I landed, I had a some texts from Brady. The first one said, “Have a safe trip. I can’t wait for you to get back.” The next one said, “I love you Reese.” And the last one said, “Did you make it?”

So annoying. I texted him back, “I’m here,” just so he would know I was alive then vowed not to text him for the rest of the trip. I fled the city so we could get away from each other and I intended to do just that.

My mom picked me up from the airport and we spent the entire day together. I avoided her questions about Brady, but she could tell something was up. I never go home to Houston unless I have to. We stayed out until literally midnight and I was so exhausted that as soon as my head hit the pillow I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later and saw that Brady had sent me a goodnight text only an hour before. I was half asleep and missed him so I said, “Goodnight, Brady. I hope you’re enjoying having the bed to yourself.”

To my surprise, he immediately replied, “I’m not. I miss you so much.”

I couldn’t fall back asleep so I sat up on Pinterest for a few hours. I hung out with my mom again for the majority of the day on Friday. I made plans to go out with Brittany that night. The first thing she asked when we met up was, “Aww, where’s Brady?” I couldn’t even help rolling my eyes at her asking about him.

We ended up hitting up some bars not far from Brittany’s apartment downtown. It was burning up in Houston so we were scantily clad in shorts and crop tops. Some of Brittany’s wild friends ended up meeting us out and kept ordering shots. I tried to refuse (I’m reformed!), but they weren’t having it.

I remember going to McDonald’s after the bars and crying because I was sad and missed my ex-boyfriend. The guys at the table next to us felt bad for me and brought me an ice cream cone. Brittany said, “Oh my gosh, I cannot believe you’re crying in the middle of a McDonald’s,” and rolled her eyes. As if everyone doesn’t cry in a McDonald’s at some point in their life!

Brady called me on Saturday morning. I had been ignoring his texts, but figured he probably actually needed something if he was calling.

“How’s being back home?” was the first thing he asked me.

“It’s fine,” I answered.

“How are your parents?”

“They’re fine.”

“Oh. I’m at Trader Joe’s. Do you want me to get those cookies you like?”

I sighed. I was annoyed at him for assuming I was coming back and we were normal when we didn’t discuss anything. What the fuck? We decided we weren’t working out!

“I don’t care,” I finally said.

“Okay. I’ll just go ahead and get them.”

“K.”

“When are you coming home?”

“Tomorrow. And I want to figure this shit out when I get back. I hate when you do this.”

“Do what?” Brady wanted to know.

“Pretend like nothing is wrong! I broke up with you and you said you agreed with me and now you’re acting like I’m coming home to you,” I explained, frustrated.

“Oh…okay. We can talk,” was all he said.

So I said goodbye and hung up then went back to sleep. I was hungover pretty much all day on Saturday, but I pulled myself out of bed to see my grandparents. It was still disgustingly hot out so I wore a romper and hoped my grandma wouldn’t judge me for having my ass cheeks hanging out. I feel like whenever I go home my grandparents are always the people I spend the least amount of time with which really sucks. I wish I was better about making them a priority.

I met up with some friends from college on Sunday morning for brunch. We basically spent two hours drinking mimosas and gossiping about what everyone from school is doing. I guess the mimosas hit me pretty hard because halfway through brunch I sent Brady a long and borderline ridiculous text about how much I loved and missed him and even though we fight sometimes, I couldn’t picture my life without him. He replied that he felt the exact same way and couldn’t wait for me to get home later. For some reason, this made me really happy so I decided to go shopping after brunch. I needed to sober up before I could drive home anyway.

Don’t drink and shop. I spent $301 at Sephora for literally no reason at all. I hate when that happens. When I left my shopping extravaganza at Sephora, it was late and I had to speed home so I could grab my stuff to go to the airport.

By the time I got back to Chicago, I was exhausted and cranky. Brady picked me up and I handed him my bag before climbing in the front seat and sleeping the entire way home. When we got inside, I grabbed the Trader Joe’s cookies and hopped up on the counter. Brady followed me into the kitchen.

“I just want you to know that I didn’t mean for us to break up,” he said immediately.

I stopped eating my cookie. I was really surprised that Brady is the one who initiated this conversation. “What did you mean then, Brady?”

“What did you mean?” he exclaimed. “When you said, ‘I’m done,’ I thought you meant you were done fighting. I am done fighting too.”

“Seriously, if you talk to me like that again Brady, I’ll rip your tongue out.”

He looked at me like he was concerned/frightened.

I rolled my eyes. “Oh my gosh, just kidding. And you have to promise to go see Laura with me again. She’s been emailing me asking about you.”

“I’ll go.”

“And you have to look at this place I found on Zillow.”

“Okay.”

“And I want a foot massage tonight.”

“I’ll do it.”

Is there anything better than your man groveling to get out of the doghouse? So I got a foot massage and ice cream fed to me last night. Bliss. I know Brady and I have a lot of work to do, but I want to make it work. I just hope that after he’s done trying to make it up to me he doesn’t go back to being Asshole Brady.

Anyway, enough with love drama. Let’s talk about work drama. Today a bomb was dropped in the office. Diana is leaving! She wants to spend more time with her kid and wants a change of pace and etc so she’s starting her own independent interior design firm. I’m devastated. I actually cried. She’s literally the only reason I go to work. So I have no idea what to do. I asked her what they’re going to do about her replacement and she jokingly said it would be me. I know that isn’t going to happen. What if we get some total bitch? I’m distraught.

I decided to work a long day on Thursday so I could take Friday off. So Luke and I stayed in the office until 11:00 PM and when I got home I was hungry and exhausted. It didn’t help that I’d decided to break in a new pair of booties for my 14 hour day. By the time I got home I was practically in tears because my feet hurt so bad.

Brady was still up working in the living room. I collapsed next to him whining, “Baaaabbeee, my feet hurt.”

He barely looked up at me. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“These booties I just got suck. I’m going to return them. Will you massage my feet?” I said.

Brady sighed. “Reese, no. Can’t you see I’m doing something?”

“Don’t you care that I’m in pain?” I gasped.

“No! You had no business getting new boots when you have an entire closet full of boots anyway.” He continued typing on his laptop and I was so angry with him that I wanted to knock his glasses of his stupid face.

Instead I glared at him. His comments pissed me off so much that I wanted to say something to hurtful so he could see how it felt.

“Now do you see why I have to get attention from guys like Matt and the male model? Thanks for nothing, Brady!”

He stopped typing and turned to look at me. He was squinting like he wasn’t sure if he heard me correctly. His jaw twitched. I felt a pang of guilt and quickly added, “Just kidding!”

Brady went back to his work without saying anything.

“So how was your day?” I asked.

No response.

“How was work? Did anything happen?”

Silence.

“Baaabeeee, talk to meeee!”

“Reese, leave me alone right now!” he shouted.

I got up and stomped away. I knew it was my fault so I stomped to the kitchen and made two bowls of caramel cookie crunch gelato. I brought both of them back to the living room and sat one in front of Brady. He didn’t even glance at it. Whatever. I finished my bowl and when I noticed that the bowl I made for Brady was beginning to melt, I ate it too. Then I took a shower and got in bed.

When Brady finally got in bed, I had already fallen asleep, but I turned around groggily to face him. I missed him even in my sleep.

“Hi, I’m sorry for what I said,” I apologized.

He pulled me close to him and didn’t say anything then we fell asleep. Brady woke me up the next morning.

“Hey. I’m leaving for work,” he said when I opened my eyes.

I threw my arms around his neck and squeezed him. “Stay home with me.”

“I wish I could. I’ll try to come home early and we can go to dinner wherever you want,” Brady replied.

I pouted.

“I love you, okay?” he added.

“I love you more,” I half whined.

After Brady left I rolled back over and went to sleep until it was time to meet Preston for lunch. Earlier in the week, he’d texted me to tell me that he found out that one of the girls who hangs out with his friends is friends with Jessica the Blow Job Queen. He started to tell me about it then decided that the conversation was better for in person. So we decided to drink and have lunch on Friday.

We met at a really low key place close to Preston’s job. He assured me that they had good sangria and hummus and I asked if they had chicken strips and tequila.

“Doll face!” he greeted me outside the place. “You’re so cute. What are you wearing?”

I looked down at myself and gave him the rundown on my dress, my heels, and my Native American inspired fringe poncho. Then I spun.

“Yes! I love it! Bravo!” Preston said, clapping. It was a very Carrie-Stanford moment.

We went inside and ordered a margarita pitcher and sweet potato fries to share.

“So tell me about this girl,” I said once our order was in.

“Ohhh, yes,” Preston said dramatically. “Her name is Margaret. Is that not the ugliest name you’ve ever heard?”

I shrugged.

“She’s really good friends with my friend, Hailey, but I didn’t really have a real conversation with her until a few days ago. I was telling her about you and she said, ‘Reese? The girl who is dating the guy who works at [the name of the hospital Brady works at]?’ Her eyes lit up!”

“What were you saying about me?” I wanted to know.

“Oh, I can’t remember. I was telling her how cute you are probably.” Preston reached across the table and flipped my hair.

I glared at him suspiciously.

“Anyway, I said, ‘Yes! That’s her! How do you know her and Brady?’ That’s when Margaret told me that she’s friends with Jessica. My jaw literally fell to the ground!”

“Mmmhm,” I murmured.

“Obviously my panties were wet from the excitement at this point. I asked Margaret to tell me what she knows about Jessica and Brady so she told me the story Jessica told her… From. The. Beginning.”

“So tell me!” I exclaimed.

“I don’t believe it…” Preston said.

“I want to know!”

“Apparently Brady and Jessica started sexting right after they met. Jessica claimed Brady started it, but I know that man would never initiate something like that! I didn’t say that though.”

I nodded.

“Supposedly Brady was telling Jessica how much he wanted to fuck her and Jessica wasn’t sure because she didn’t want to mix business with pleasure. But Brady was hot and persistent so she was torn. Plus he was sending her dick pics and she was impressed.”

“Yeah fucking right! Brady would never do that!” I said loudly. Brady has never even sent me a dick pic!

“Right?! I really wanted to tell her that the story didn’t sound right, but I didn’t want her to stop telling me stuff. Let me finish my story.”

I nodded.

“So Jessica said that she and Brady fooled around once then he got a girlfriend (you). She said that Brady continued hitting her up, but she told him to stop because he has a girlfriend. He told her that he didn’t care about being in a relationship and it wasn’t serious, blah blah blah…” Preston said.

“Ugh.”

“Yeah. So then apparently you sent her that Facebook message telling her to back off your man. Margaret called you a crazy bitch. Jessica was pissed and told Brady never to talk to her again since he can’t control his psycho girlfriend. As you can imagine, I was literally in tears at this point.”

I glared at him.

“Anyway, so they didn’t talk for a few months, but Jessica started to miss him since they were pretty good friends beforehand. They somehow made up and started talking again. Jessica said they started having sex regularly even though he still had a girlfriend. She justified it by saying you were a psycho bitch…”

“Wait.” I tried to put a timeline together in my head. I sent Jessica the Facebook message sometime in December before Brady and I went to Houston. As far as I knew they didn’t talk again until after we broke up in March. But what if they started talking before that when Brady started working late a lot and going through that quarterlife crisis? What if he broke up with me because he wanted to continue to have sex with Jessica guilt free?

“You’re not believing any of this bullshit, are you?” Preston asked.

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

“This girl is literally living on another planet. She’s pulling stories right out of her ass.”

“But would someone really lie about regularly having sex with someone?”

“She lied about everything else, why wouldn’t she? Anyway, can I finish? I haven’t even gotten to the good part.”

“Go on.”

“So apparently he told her that he wanted to continue being in a relationship with you, but still wanted to fuck her on the side. Jessica wasn’t okay with this arrangement and told him that he either needed to break up with you and offer her more or she was done. They got in a huge fight and had a falling out and Jessica blocked him on everything. They haven’t spoken since and now Jessica hates his guts.”

“Did she forget the part where she sent me a picture of my boyfriend getting dressed after sex?” I said.

“Apparently. She obviously knew how desperate that looked so she didn’t admit that to her friends.” Preston laughed.

“Brady told me they only had sex once. After we broke up,” I pointed out.

“Well, when would he have had time to cheat on you, Reese?” Preston asked.

“I don’t know, maybe all those times he was ‘working late.’ He could still be hooking up with her for all I know,” I said.

“Honestly, I don’t believe Brady has the balls to cheat on anyone. Especially someone like you. He, of all people, knows how crazy you are. I think Jessica is just bitter and disgruntled. I didn’t tell you this so you would go accuse Brady of cheating on you. I told you so we could laugh at how ridiculous it is.”

I smiled. “I just feel like this whole situation has been unsettling.”

“It has been, but at least the witch is dead. Margaret says she’s dating some insane meathead who screams at her if she doesn’t call him every hour. So she’s finally met her match.”

“Good for her.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about it as we downed our margs and then I realized that Preston is probably (hopefully) right. Jessica is clearly having delusions of grandeur. Although I did plan on casually asking Brady to remind me why he and Jessica stopped talking.

After lunch we went shopping. Then I had to go home and hide all my new purchases because I don’t have time to be lectured by Brady. I texted him letting him know where I wanted to go for dinner then got ready. Brady picked me up from home as soon as he left work so we could be home in time to meet Lindsey.

I’d decided I wanted a cheeseburger so we went to this famous gourmet burger place. I insisted on sitting on the same side of the booth and we ordered truffle fries to start. I asked Brady to tell me about work and when he tried to be vague, I made him elaborate. I had a pretty embarrassing and eye opening experience when I was talking to some people at work about Brady and they asked what he does at his job and why it seems to be so stressful. I realized that I’m not really exactly sure what he does.

“You don’t know what your boyfriend does?” one of the girls asked, stunned. “You should probably figure it out.”

I felt awful. So I realized I need to be more interested in Brady’s work life. I also decided that we were going to have a great dinner, but I wanted to hash a few things out.

After I shoveled several truffle fries in my mouth, I asked, “Do you feel like living together is making us hate each other?”

“No. Why?” Brady replied.

“Because I feel like it is. Well, I feel like you’re always so annoyed with me lately,” I said.

“That isn’t true. I’m sorry you feel that way,” he said.

“I don’t want to be fighting all the time in front of Lindsey. We should discuss some house rules so you don’t keep yelling at me.”

Brady’s brow furrowed, but he said, “Okay.”

“So, you start. What should I stop doing to annoy you?” I said sweetly.

“Um. I would appreciate if you would be a little more considerate. I know you’re used to living alone, but you aren’t now and you need to take into consideration that you’re living with another person. And soon it will be two other people.”

“Give me some examples.”

“For example, sometimes you don’t clean up after you get ready and don’t even notice when I clean it up for you. It’s like you think the place cleans itself up,” Brady said.

“Well, I don’t ask you to clean my things up. I am capable of cleaning up after myself,” I said back.

“Yeah? And how long will it take you?”

I felt like he was getting a little worked up so I grabbed his face and said, “Brady, be nice.”

“I am.”

“I think you should tell me immediately when I’m pissing you off and not hold it in and blow up on me. You’ve yelled at me like everyday for the past two weeks,” I sniffled.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to yell at you,” Brady said. “I enjoy having you around all the time, I just think I’m still getting used to it too.”

“Me too,” I agreed. And then I decided to be a little daring. “Maybe once Lindsey moves out, we can start looking for a place for us to get together.”

Brady looked at me like I suggested snorting coke out of each other’s butts. “Why?”

“I don’t know. Because you bought your place for just yourself and we should find something more suitable for both of us.” I was kind of just saying this just to see if Brady actually wants to live with me long term, without actually asking him.

“I like where I live,” he said, looking down at the table.

“I do too, but we should probably find somewhere that has a home office for you and more storage for all my stuff.”

“Good point.”

“So do you want to or no?”

“That’s just a big commitment.” Brady finally looked back at me and he looked guilty for some reason.

“I know, but aren’t you committed to me? We are getting married one day, of course.”

He sighed.

“I mean, I’m not going to force you to if you don’t want to. It was just a suggestion,” I added.

“We can look into it, okay? I don’t want to rush into anything.”

I nodded.

We were really nice to each other for the rest of dinner so I didn’t want to bring up Jessica. I would save that for another time.

On Saturday morning I woke up and made breakfast for everyone. I planned on spending the day drinking with Luke and leaving Brady and Lindsey at home to get settled in. Luke and I went to a bar and grill and had apps and drinks then sat there for two hours having an emotional conversation about our families and upbringing. His parents divorced when he was in high school and he says it was really tough having to go through that plus coming out as gay. I can’t imagine.

We hit up a few bars and had drinks until we eventually got restless. I called Brady to pick us up. We dropped Luke off first and headed home. When we arrived home, I was still feeling tipsy and a little bit emotional and I could no longer hold in my questions about Jessica.

I followed Brady into the kitchen and watched as he started unloading the dishwasher. I hopped up on the counter and said, “Baby, I have a question.”

“Mmhm,” Brady said.

“Why did you stop talking to Jessica?” I asked.

Brady gave me a weird look. “I don’t know. Because I had no reason to continue talking to her.”

“So basically you just pumped and dumped her?”

He blinked at me.

“How many times did y’all have sex?”

“Once.”

“Are you sure it was only once, Brady?” I asked innocently.

“Yes, I’m sure! Why are you asking me this?” He sounded like he was getting frustrated. I don’t think he had any right to be frustrated, but I was still feeling kind of bad.

“Because I heard otherwise…”

“What did you hear?”

“That you were having a sexual relationship with her the whole time we were together! And you only stopped because she wanted more!” I exclaimed.

“Who told you that? That’s isn’t true,” Brady said calmly.

“It doesn’t matter who told me. Did you cheat on me with her?”

“No!” Now he was getting a little bit worked up. “I can’t believe you would ask me that. Do you seriously think I would do that to you?”

“Well, I don’t even know at this point, Brady.”

His jaw twitched. “She did want more. She said I led her on.”

“Elaborate,” I said, crossing my arms across my chest.

“We were texting a lot and she must have thought I was interested in her. After we…you know, I wasn’t that nice to her and I told her that I wasn’t interested in her romantically.”

“You were texting a lot when?” I asked.

“After we broke up,” Brady said, looking down. I tapped his chest with my foot to make him look back up at me.

“So you did lead her on. You buttered her up to get in her pants. Then after you got what you wanted, you had no use for her anymore. Is that accurate?” I nodded for him.

“I guess that’s pretty accurate.” Brady paused, rubbing his neck. “I knew I wanted to eventually work things out with you.”

“Oh, don’t try to drag me into this. You were obviously not thinking about me at all.”

“I was. I thought she would be a distraction, but it actually made me miss you more.”

I rolled my eyes. “Did you eat her out?”

Brady groaned. “Reese, what? Stop. Why are you doing this?”

“I just want to know.” It was actually my way of deciding if Brady actually just wanted sex with her or if he wanted more. Oral sex is very intimate and you aren’t just going to go down on a random person.

“I did once. I-”

I started bawling. Like sobbing uncontrollably. Brady stepped closer to me and put his arms around my waist and I tried to push him away.

“I’m disappointed in you,” I sobbed.

“Why? Reese, we were broken up at the time…”

I continued crying.

“What about Carly’s brother? You did the same thing to me.”

“I did not! We never did anything other than have sex. It was meaningless. Having your mouth on someone’s vagina isn’t meaningless!”

Brady looked up at the ceiling like he was losing patience with me. Over his shoulder I saw Lindsey step into the doorway to see what the commotion was. When she saw what was going on, she backed away and mouthed, “Sorry.”

“I don’t want to talk about this again. I would never, ever cheat on you and if you think I would then I don’t want continue in a relationship with you,” Brady said. The stern tone in his voice made me stop crying and look at him.

“I don’t want to think you would, but Preston is friends with Jessica’s friend and Preston told me some stuff he heard from Jessica’s friend,” I explained.

“So you heard some story from Preston who heard it from some random friend?”

I nodded, realizing that it did sound kind of stupid.

Brady turned around and started to walk away.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

He didn’t answer and walked out of the kitchen. Ugh. So now he was mad, again. I sat on the counter for a few minutes, waiting for him to come back. When he didn’t I hopped down to find him. I heard voices in Lindsey’s room so I poked my head in. Brady was sitting on the bed while Lindsey hung up clothes.

“Hey! We think we’re going to go to the bar,” she said.

Since I had spent the entire day drinking with Luke I told them I was going to pass. Then I showered and got in bed. I vaguely remember hearing them leave, but Brady didn’t even bother telling me he was leaving. So whatever.

I woke up around midnight and made a huge dinner for myself. Then I ate all of it while watching Teen Mom 2 OnDemand. I was on my second episode when the door opened and Brady and Lindsey came in talking loudly. Good thing I wasn’t trying to sleep.

“Heyyyy, what are you doing up?” Brady asked, plopping on the couch next to me. He smelled like a bar.

“Reese, you should have come out!” Lindsey said.

I shrugged.

She shouted good night then went to her room. Brady was leaning on me and saying something like, “I love you, I missed you.”

He ended up passing out right there on the couch. I tried to get him to get up and get in the bed, but to no avail. So I helped him get comfy. Brady never, ever drinks to the point of passing out so I didn’t mind taking care of him. Plus he takes care of me all the time when I get too drunk to function.

Brady woke up really early on Sunday morning and got in the bed with me.

“Hey,” I greeted him, still half asleep.

“I feel like shit,” he told me and I laughed. We slept until noon.

I spent most of the day working while Brady and Lindsey went for a jog and went grocery shopping. Lindsey made dinner, but she eats really clean so I only made it through three bites. Luckily I have a stash of Oreos in the nightstand so I had those for dinner instead.

Brady said he didn’t want to talk about Jessica anymore so I didn’t bring it up even though we didn’t really finish our conversation. I texted Preston telling him what happened and he said, “Reese, I thought we decided we didn’t believe her. Why did you fucking ask him about it? God, you’re crazy.”

The nerve of him to call me crazy.

I still don’t know how to feel about the whole Jessica thing. I know I probably shouldn’t let it get to me, but everything gets to me. When I got to work this morning, I sent Brady a really sweet email apologizing for the way I handled the situation and telling him that I think his heart is too big to be capable of hurting me like that. So far he hasn’t responded, but I do think I meant it.

Things were still kind of icy between Brady and me. On Monday he got home late and then worked in the dining room for the entire night. It really annoyed me, but I guess he has a right to be a workaholic if he wants to be. When he finally got in bed I was half asleep and he didn’t even try to snuggle me.

When I woke up on Tuesday morning, Brady was up and ready to leave for work.

“Have a good day!” I called after him just as he was about to walk out the bedroom door.

He turned and looked at me. “Oh, I didn’t even know you were awake.” Brady seemed to debate with himself for a little bit before finally deciding to walk back over to the bed and kiss me.

I worked for a few hours that morning at the office then I went shopping on my lunch break. Doesn’t everyone do that? I’m currently looking high and low for the perfect pair of jeans so I decided to spend my break trying on jeans instead of eating. I walked into the store and immediately made eye contact with a beautiful biracial guy wearing a hooded fall jacket. I had to do a double take. He was like, ridiculously good looking. Out of habit, I smiled at him and he smiled back then I went on my jean hunt.

I took about a dozen pairs of jeans into the fitting room and only tried on two before I got annoyed and gave up. Trying on clothes (specifically jeans) is physically taxing. I walked out of the fitting room and the hot guy was standing in the waiting area, shirtless, checking himself out in the full length mirror. His body was banging and he had tattoos covering his biceps and chest. He kind of reminded me of my ex, but much prettier. We locked eyes in the mirror and I gave him a weird look.

“Sorry,” he said, looking sheepish.

“No need to apologize. Do whatever you want,” I said waving him away.

I walked around the store and continued shopping. I ended up finding a few things and got in line. Right behind my new bae. He turned around and saw me then started complaining about there not being enough cashiers working. Always down to complain, I began talking to him.

I found out that he’s a model (he modestly informed me of this at beginning of our conversation) and needed a nice pair of jeans for a shoot he’s doing. He told me I should model, only commercial though because I’m good looking, but I’m a little short. And then he said he wanted to pass me along to his agent because I have potential. Obviously I’m not about to ignore an opportunity to become the next Cindy Crawford so I gave him my number. His name is Jordan.

Someone wrote me on Twitter and said I should do something nice for Brady everyday and I loved that idea. I’ll admit that I don’t do enough to show him how much I love and appreciate him and I probably don’t say it enough either. So I decided to print off some pictures of us and make a cute little scrapbook with sweets notes and stuff. See? I’m crafty.

I printed out a few of my favorite pictures and cut them out. Then it was time to add the text. And I couldn’t think of a single thing to say. It’s so hard for me to put my feelings into words. Especially without being too sappy or cheesy. So I just stared at the pictures for like ten minutes. Then Luke walked in my office and we worked for the rest of the day.

When I got home, I made dinner and waited for Brady to get home. As soon as I heard the front door open I rushed to greet him.

“Hi!” I squealed, throwing my arms around him.

“Hey,” Brady said. He kissed me quickly then peeled me off and walked around me into the house.

“I made dinner. Do you want wine?” I said following him.

“I’m okay right now,” he called over his shoulder. Brady walked into the living room and sat on the couch then immediately started looking intently at his phone.

“How was your day?” I asked, sitting next to him.

“Okay. How was yours?”

“Fine.”

Brady didn’t respond and just kept looking at his phone. So I just sat there looking at him looking at his phone.

Suddenly I whined, “Do you even like me?”

“Hmm?” Brady seemed startled and put his phone down. “Of course I do. I love you.”

I pouted and felt my eyes actually filling up with tears. “You’ve said like four words to me in the past two days.”

“I’m sorry.” Brady grabbed me. “There are some changes going on at work so I’ve been a little bit distracted.”

“What kind of changes?” I wanted to know.

“Staffing and operational changes. It’s just going to take some getting used to. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to ignore you.”

“Okay,” I sniffled.

We went and had dinner and while we ate, I told Brady about the model I met.

“So, at 26 years old you think it’s time you began a career in modeling?” he said, taking a bite of food.

I laughed. “Not necessarily. I don’t know. But what if I get discovered and become a famous model? I could quit my job and do one campaign a month and be rich.”

“That’s extremely unrealistic,” Brady said.

“Because I’m ugly?”

“No. Because people spend years and years perfecting their craft. What makes you think you can just walk in and be good enough to make a career out of it immediately?”

“I could be a natural.”

“Do you think that guy really wants to help you get into modeling or do you think he just wanted an excuse to get your number?”

“I think he wants to help me.”

“You’re not that naive, Reese. Why do you act so stupid when it comes to male attention? You know what his intentions are.”

“Why do you think guys only think ‘sex’ when they meet me?”

“Because they do!” Brady exclaimed. My mouth dropped open. “I’m a man! I know how men think.”

“If I’m only good for sex then why are you even with me?” I asked, glaring at him.

“That’s not what I said,” Brady sighed.

“Just because you think that’s all I have to offer doesn’t mean every man agrees,” I said. “I know you’re used to dating girls who went to Harvard and don’t groom their eyebrows and enjoy boring missionary sex.”

“What are you talking about?”

I downed my glass of wine and ignored him.

“Reese, I don’t think that’s all you have to offer. I know you’re intelligent and creative and driven and funny. I’m just saying guys don’t necessarily care about that when they meet an attractive woman,” Brady said.

“That’s stupid,” I said.

“I know.”

We dropped the subject and a little while later, Jordan texted me. “Hey, it’s Jordan. I passed your information on to my agent. Are you free for a drink this week? I want to see you again.”

So maybe Brady was kind of right. I didn’t reply.

Brady must have felt bad about our little argument because on Wednesday night he came home with a bouquet of fall flowers and a bag full of fresh baked cookies from a bakery around here. It made me feel a little bit bad because I never even finished my little scrapbook.

“Aww, thank you boo,” I said hugging him. Then I proceeded to eat half a dozen cookies in lieu of dinner. It turned out to be not such a great idea though because I woke up really early this morning puking. Way too many pumpkin macadamia cookies.

Which reminds me, since I’m no longer living in my apartment where I had access to a nice ass gym, I need to get a gym membership so I don’t get huge. I actually miss working out. Maybe that’ll be my goal for the weekend.

Anyway, Lindsey will be here tomorrow night. She’s going to take over the spare room which I was using as storage so I had to move all my shit to make it habitable for her. I asked Brady how long he was expecting her to stay and he said just a few weeks until she finds a place of her own. And that I should help her find an apartment since I’m so familiar with the rental market. I already have like four places bookmarked.

Brady and I got in a ton of petty arguments throughout the week. One night, I was playing Beyoncé in Brady’s room while he worked in the dining room. It wasn’t even that loud (at least I didn’t think so), but Brady came in the room like, “Do you know what time it is?”

I looked down at the clock on my laptop. “10:10? Why?”

“It’s late. Your music is loud,” he said.

“It isn’t even that loud,” I rolled my eyes. “Plus it’s Beyoncé so…”

“It’s inconsiderate.”

“Fine, fine, fine,” I sighed, turning the volume down.

“Would it kill you to at least pretend to care about other people?” Brady said and turned to leave.

“Excuse me?” I shouted after him.

He didn’t come back so I went back to my laptop and we didn’t mention it again.

Another night, I got home from work and lit a ton of candles because I’m going through a candle phase and I placed orders with Yankee, Bath and Body Works, Anthropologie, and Target. I couldn’t decide which scent I was in the mood for so I lit them all.

I started making dinner and waited for Brady to get home. I heard the door open, but Brady didn’t come find me right away. So I went to find him. He was in the living room blowing out all my candles.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey. You can’t just leave candles burning unattended this like,” he replied.

“They aren’t unattended. I’m right here.”

“They are unattended! It’s a fire hazard. You could burn this whole place down. Especially when they are burning this low.” He was pointing at one of the candles that was still almost halfway full.

“Oh my gosh,” I said, trying to stay calm. “It’s fine. It’s not a big deal. No reason to freak out.”

“Actually, it is kind of a big deal, Reese. It’s dangerous and incredibly irresponsible.”

“Oh my God, you’re so annoying,” I said and turned to leave. We ignored each other for a little while, but had make up sex that night.

The big blow out came on Friday morning. Brady was getting ready in the bathroom and I was sitting on the bed putting my mascara on. My parents were flying in later so I was listing off potential places we could take them for dinner.

“I don’t know if I’ll be in the mood for Asian, but we could try to get a table at Sunda. Or we could do Spiaggia. What do you think?” I babbled.

“I don’t fucking care, Reese!” Brady yelled. “Do whatever you want!”

I dropped my mascara wand on the white bed. “What the hell is your problem?”

“Just pick somewhere and we’ll go. You’re the only one who cares. Fucking pick something,” he said.

I finished up my makeup and stormed out without saying goodbye. Brady was being mean for literally no reason at all and I was not about to let him talk to me like that.

Later on in the day he texted me, “Hey, I’ll pick you up at 6:30, okay?”

The plan was that Brady would pick me up from work then we would pick up my parents from the airport and then go to dinner. I replied, “Whatever.”

When Brady came to get me, I got in the car and didn’t say anything. He tried to talk, but I ignored him. I knew I was being childish, but I thought he needed to apologize. So the majority of the drive to the airport was silent. Then Brady said, “So are you just not going to speak to me?”

“You’re an asshole. No, I’m not speaking to you,” I said.

“How am I an asshole?” he wanted to know.

“How?!” I repeated. “You screamed at me this morning for no reason. I just wanted to know where you wanted to go for dinner!”

“God, would you stop being so dramatic?” he said.

“I just think you should apologize. I’m not being dramatic. It was rude.”

“I don’t care where we go for dinner and I’m sure your parents don’t either. I can’t believe we are still talking about this.”

“Because. You. Were. Rude.”

“Okay, I’m sorry! Will you get over it now? Jeez.”

“No, I’m not over it,” I said and we didn’t talk for the remainder of the ride to the airport.

So dinner with my parents was kind of awkward. Brady and I didn’t want to talk to each other, but we couldn’t let it be known that we weren’t talking. I think my mom caught on at one point and looked from Brady to me and back a few times. She didn’t mention it though.

We dropped them off at their hotel then went home. Brady went to do work in the living room and I got in bed. Later on Brady came in the room and got undressed then got in bed with me. I had full intentions of ignoring him until the end of time, but he smelled so good that I just couldn’t keep my hands off.

I slid my arm around his neck and kissed him then he got on top of me. We proceeded to have sex and it was amazing. We didn’t say a word to each other or make eye contact. Lol. Once we were done, Brady said, “I love you,” and kissed me. Then we fell asleep.

Saturday was Kendra’s wedding. I had to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to prepare for everything. She didn’t do so many things I plan to do when I get married. Like hire a makeup artist and hair stylist. We literally all got dressed and did own hair and makeup in the hotel room. I thought we were supposed to be pampered! I ended up helping everyone with their makeup though because no one went full on glam except me and this was a wedding after all.

She also ordered a plain black limo to take us to the church. Personally, I would have requested something more white and bridal, but that’s just me. The ceremony was pretty basic, but I cried like a baby through the whole thing. I honestly felt like I was losing my best friend. I couldn’t even look at the guests because I was kind of mortified that I was crying like that. Carly noticed I was crying so she started crying too. She’s definitely one of those people who cries just because everyone else is. Oh well. I hope I didn’t ruin the wedding.

We went downtown to take pictures after the ceremony. I had to basically reapply all my makeup because I cried it all off. Hashtag pathetic. The reception was at a hotel downtown. When we got there, Brady found me right away and hugged me.

“You’re so cute,” he laughed. “Why were you crying?”

“Because I just lost my best friend!” I exclaimed like he should’ve known that already.

“You haven’t lost her. She will still be around,” he assured me.

I pouted.

“Plus, you still have me. I’ll be your best friend.”

I threw my arms around him and kissed him. We were super sweet to each other for the rest of the day. My mom caught on and said, “Hmm, should we start planning for y’all next?”

I rolled my eyes and said, “Ugh, Mom, stop.”

I try not to talk marriage with Brady anymore. Especially since I don’t even know if I would want to marry him now.

So now Kendra and John are in Mexico for their honeymoon. Lucky! My parents left Chicago on Saturday night. I was exhausted from the long day and couldn’t even make the trip to the airport to drop them off.

On Sunday Brady and I got brunch with Carly before her flight. I really wanted some alone time with her so I get her advice about getting along with Brady and living with him, but she insisted he come along. She must have noticed something was up because later she texted me, “Is everything okay with you two?”

I think I was probably being a bitch to him the whole meal and I felt bad. And I wanted us to go back to normal so I went to find my boo. He was in the living talking on the phone and I jumped in his lap and planted a huge kiss on his cheek. He gave me a mean look, gestured to his phone and shooed me away. Rude. So I flipped him the bird and walked out.

A few minutes later, Brady came and found me and apologized. I told him that I would only forgive him if he ordered pizza so he did. Is that bratty? I don’t care.

So I don’t know y’all. I feel like living with Brady is making us hate each other. Or maybe we just aren’t compatible after all. It sucks. I miss being obsessed and cutesy with him. And get this. His friend Lindsey was offered the job in Chicago and is going to stay with us for a few weeks until she finds her own place. Brady didn’t even ask me if I was okay with this, he just told me and I guess I have to deal with it. As much as I like Lindsey, I don’t really like the idea of having another person here. But maybe she will force us to get along (can’t fight in front of others, obv). I kind of want to find other living arrangements, but if we can’t even stand to live with each other, how are we ever going to have an actual future?

One of Brady’s friends was in Chicago for the weekend because she was interviewing for a job. When he told me this I was nervous and decided that I didn’t want to meet her. Do we all remember what happened the last time I met one of Brady’s girl friends? I didn’t need a repeat of that. But Brady assured me that she (Lindsey) was cool and was excited to meet me. So I said I would.

On Friday evening, I met her briefly before I left to have dinner with Kendra. Lindsey is about 5’8 and with long blonde hair and a really athletic body. She’s one of those girls who doesn’t wear makeup and honestly doesn’t need to (I wouldn’t either if I had her skin). She’s super down to earth. She was already at Brady’s when I got home and greeted me with a hug.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you!” she said. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

I must have looked freaked out because she added, “Only good things of course!”

“Nice to meet you too,” I said.

We all small talked for a little bit before Lindsey said, “Well, I know you have plans with your friend. I won’t keep you any longer!”

So I left to get ready. When I got out of the shower Brady was sitting on the bed with something in his hand. He looked up at me and said, “I got you something.”

“You diiiiid? What is it?” I replied.

Brady held out the box to me, almost hesitantly. I saw that it was a David Yurman box so I quickly took it from him.

“What’s this for?” I asked before opening it.

He shrugged. “I just thought you would like it.”

Do boyfriends just randomly get girlfriends jewelry? Brady never has and my first thought was that he must have done something wrong and this was his guilt gift. I eyed him before opening the box.

Brady got me a bracelet, but not the normal cable cuff bracelet that everyone has. It has a bar of tiny little diamonds, a clasp and is a dark gunmetal color. It’s so dainty and cute.

“It’s so pretty. What’s the occasion?” I asked.

“There’s no occasion. I just want you to have it.”

It was weird, but I loved it so I wasn’t going to complain. Brady helped me put it on then I changed my whole ensemble to complement my new bracelet.

I met Kendra downtown. She had been pestering me all week about going to dinner with her on Friday and it was beginning to weird me out. We hadn’t seen much of each other because of her wedding planning and stuff, but she was adamant that we meet Friday evening for dinner.

At first she just wanted to talk about what she still needed to do and who was traveling to the city for the ceremony. Then she said, “I have something to ask you.”

Aha. I knew she was up to something.

“K, ask me,” I said.

“I was wondering if you would be the godmother of my first born child,” Kendra said.

“Kendra, are you pregnant?!” I exclaimed.

“Oh my God, no!” she exclaimed back.

I stared at her with wide eyes.

“I’m not pregnant…yet. But I want to be prepared when it does happen. You’re my closest friend who’s not related to me.”

“That’s actually really sweet.”

“I know.”

“I’ll do it. Let’s think of names!”

“I already have names picked out, Reese.”

“You’re naming it after me, right? It only makes sense.”

Kendra didn’t respond so I guess that means no? Whatever.

After dinner, I went back to Kendra’s to help her with some last minute wedding decorations. She’s DIYing a lot of it which is cute. I got frustrated after about fifteen minutes which was weird because I thought I was a pretty crafty person.

Saturday afternoon was Kendra’s bridal luncheon. Brady woke me up in the morning to go for a run with Lindsey. She had run all the way to Brady’s from her hotel just to run with us. I need that kind of dedication. We ended up running four miles. Four fucking miles. And Brady and Lindsey laughed and talked the entire time. I was basically dying, but after we finished I felt really proud of myself.

When we got back home, I started noticing Lindsey was calling Brady “ARB.” At first I didn’t know what she was saying then I realized it was letters. So I asked her what they stand for.

She laughed and said, “Brady, care to explain?”

“It’s really lame. You wouldn’t understand,” he told me, which was rude.

“How do you know if you don’t explain it?” I shot back. Brady ignored me and started talking to Lindsey about someone they know from back home.

I stormed off to get ready. A.R.B. Any ideas about what it could mean? I bet its something super inappropriate.

Kendra was getting some of her bridesmaids and friends together for a catered lunch and bridal shower. It was honestly really boring, but it was what Kendra wanted so I decided not to try to spice things up.

Earlier in the week, Brady suggested we get shitfaced on Saturday night. I can’t remember his exact words, but he mentioned that Lindsey would be in town and we needed to show her a good time. That wouldn’t be a problem. We invited some people over (mostly Brady’s friends, but also Preston, Kendra and John).

After several glasses of wine, I ended up next to Lindsey, sitting in the chairs on the patio. It was chilly out so we were wrapped in a blanket, wearing Brady’s hoodies.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s so weird to see Brady in such a serious relationship,” Lindsey said.

“Really? Why?” I wanted to know.

“Because… I’ve known Brady forever and he’s always been all about school and work. It’s nice. He deserves a distraction, you know?”

I don’t necessarily appreciate being called a distraction. Our relationship is much more than that. But I just said, “Hasn’t he had some girlfriend before though?” I scrunched up my nose so she would know that I wasn’t impressed.

“Anna? Yeah. She’s one of my really good friends too.”

“Oh.”

Lindsey didn’t look offended that I was obviously about to start talking shit about her friend. She’s continued talking.

“On paper, it made sense for them to be together, but it just didn’t translate in real life. They’re both way too invested in their work, you know?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. I thought of a few things: 1. Who says I’m not invested in my work? I don’t think Lindsey was trying to diss me or anything, but it kind of felt like a diss. 2. I remember when I asked Brady to describe his parents to me he said that they are both very invested in their work. So I bet he and Anna’s relationship was a lot like his parents’. Ew. He’s pretty damn lucky that I came along. “What’s Anna like? Brady won’t tell me anything.”

Lindsey looked surprised that I wanted to know about Anna. But she still said, “Anna is cool. Her parents are missionaries-”

“Really?” I cut in, surprised.

“Yeah, but she’s not religious at all.”

“Oh.”

“She does medical research in New York. She’s a genius.” Lindsey laughed. “Anna and Brady are both ridiculously intelligent. That’s probably why they didn’t work out. They were way too smart for each other.”

I laughed, only because Lindsey was. Brady and I will obviously never have that problem.

“Brady has told me nothing but great things about you though,” she went on.

Now I was interested. “Like what?”

“He thinks you’re hilarious. He even went as far as to say you’re one of the funniest people he knows,” Lindsey said.

“Me?”

“Yeah! And I said, ‘I must meet her then!'”

I beamed. Obviously I think I’m hilarious, but I didn’t think anyone agreed. Plus when Brady tells me I’m funny, I feel like he’s being sarcastic.

Lindsey told me other things he’s said like that I’m beautiful and that I’m fun and that I make his life fun. Isn’t that cute? She didn’t tell me anything too deep though which makes me believe that Brady only tells her pretty superficial stuff. Maybe because she’s friends with his ex too and she will probably tell Anna everything.

After everyone left I dragged my genius boyfriend into bed and we did kinky shit all night. I wonder if Anna was boring or super freaky in bed. I should have asked Lindsey.

On Sunday (yesterday), I was forced to go to the Cubs game with Brady, Lindsey and a few of their friends. I hate sporting events, but I don’t mind the pregame. The game started around 1 PM so we woke up and got breakfast then hit up some bars in Wrigleyville. I fucking hate Wrigleyville. Way too many drunk idiots. So I just drank until I forgot where I was. I can’t remember much of the game, but I remember complaining a lot because I was bored and couldn’t even really use my phone. I even laid my head on Brady’s lap for a while and napped. He wasn’t thrilled about that. But at least I won’t get forced to go to a baseball game again.

I was reminiscing and found my blog post from the night when I first met Brady. Does anyone remember that? I was literally in love with him from the moment I saw him (and then proceeded to get drunk and humiliate myself). It’s so funny how life works and that Brady even gave me a chance after I gave him a lap dance in the bar the first night I met him. Someone on Twitter asked if I ever asked Brady why he didn’t get my number that night and I realized I hadn’t. I’ve asked him what he thought of me when he first met me and if he was always interested in me and stuff like that, but I hadn’t asked why he didn’t get my number (although I can probably guess). So last week, I asked.

“Do you remember the first night we met?” I asked him. We were sitting on the couch on Thursday night and Brady was massaging my legs.

“Yeah, I do,” he replied.

“I was a shitshow, wasn’t I?”

“You weren’t too bad. You were fun.”

“Like I literally gave you a lap dance in the middle of a bar.”

Brady laughed. “Yeah. You did.”

“Is that why you didn’t get my number?” I wanted to know.

“Hmm?”

“Why didn’t you ask me for my number?”

“After you gave me a lap dance?”

“Yeah!”

“Uh, because…” Brady looked around like he was trying to think of an answer.

“Did I scare you away?” I asked.

“No, I just assumed that’s what you did with guys and I wasn’t anyone special.”

My mouth dropped open. “Excuse me? You thought I was some slut?”

“No! Kinda. I don’t know. I thought you were a tease or something.”

I wanted to smack him across his face. That’s so fucking rude. He must have seen the rage in my face because he added, “And then I realized you weren’t and that you were cool. I was really intimidated by you at first.”

I crossed my arms and turned my head away from him, pouting. I know I can’t even be mad that he thought that about me because I’m the one who put myself out there like that. But still.

Brady grabbed my face and turned it toward him. “I never would have thought we would be here after that. I’m glad you decided to give me a lap dance.”

I smiled and hugged him. I guess I’m glad I decided to give him (and not Chris, the horror!) a lap dance too!

My Friday therapy session went a million times better than the previous one. I went in with a more open mind and tried not to be so defensive. And I think Laura eased up a lot too which helped. We mostly talked about me and my family though. She wanted to know everything and I opened up a lot to her. I told her things that even Brady doesn’t know.

Brady left to visit his brother on Friday night after work. I was super sad and felt left out, but pretended to be really excited about his trip. He didn’t even want me to take him to the airport, he insisted on driving himself straight from work.

So I went to dinner with Luke and Luke’s friend, Callie. She was sweet, but wouldn’t stop dropping the fact that she’s a full time model into conversation. Like, “I can’t have any carbs, I have a huge shoot next week,” and “I’m lucky that I model because I work for two days then I can work out the rest of the week.” It was annoying.

She did win points with me though when she told me that I look like the girl from the Wolf of Wall Street aka Margot Robbie. I’ve only gotten that one other time before and I was super flattered. Margot is so hot. So I was besties with Callie after that.

On Saturday morning I called Brady as soon as I woke up. I missed him so much. He didn’t pick up so I sent him a picture of me in bed. I got up and cleaned a little, made tea and toast, then sat at the dining room table alone. I was like so bored. I can’t remember the last time I was that bored. What did I do before I met Brady? It’s so weird/scary. Not that I think we will break up, but I don’t want my entire life to revolve around him. I should be able to have fun with my friends or alone, right?

Brady eventually called back and I told him to send me a picture of him with the baby. And then he did and I swear my ovaries exploded. So fucking cute! He was even holding it correctly (I don’t think I actually know how to hold a newborn) and it looked so natural. I replied, “Oh my God, I want one.”

And Brady said, “Don’t get any ideas.”

Rude.

On Saturday night, I went out with Preston, his gay friend, Eli, Nicole and Lexi. I mostly hung out with Lexi because Preston and Eli were being super slutty and flirting with straight guys and Nicole had hit it off with some guy who owns a convenience store (i.e. rich) so she was no where to be found.

So Lexi and I did the only thing there was to do at a bar: drink lots and lots of tequila. We literally just sat at the bar drinking sangria margarita swirls and taking the occasional shot. Lexi told me a ton of stories about crazy shit she’s done and was so nonchalant about it. I think that’s why I like her. She’s so chill.

I didn’t realize it, but I hadn’t eaten much on Saturday (just the toast and some fruit) so I got really, really drunk. One of the last things I remember is getting sent a shot of Fireball from a guy at the other end of the bar. Then I blacked out.

I woke up in a bed with dark linens. Brady has the whitest bed I’ve ever seen so I had no idea where I was. I sat up and looked around, noting the brown wingtip dress shoes on the floor near the closet. It took me a full minute to realize that I was in Carly’s brother, Kyle’s bed. He wasn’t in the bed with me (thank GOD), but Lexi was.

“Dude! Lex!” I said loudly.

She rolled over and sat up with a start.

“Yeah?”

I lowered my voice as I asked, “What the hell are we doing here?”

She looked around and shrugged. “At least he let us have the bed.”

Lexi and I were both still wearing our going out clothes which was a great sign because I literally could not remember anything.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Reese, you fucking psycho. You don’t remember?”

“Uh, no. I don’t remember anything. Tell me!”

“Well, you tried to hook me and this guy, Kyle, up, but then told me you’ve already hooked up with him.” She shot me a side eye.

“Oh gosh…”

“But I mean, it’s fine. We made out and stuff, but I insisted you come home with us. I didn’t want him to try anything else.”

“Lexi, Brady is going to kill me,” I said as calmly as I could.

“Why? Nothing even happened,” she said, looking confused.

“Because I have no business being here!” I got up and started looking around for my shoes and bag.

“How’s he going to find out?”

I didn’t have time to explain to Lexi that Brady and I have an honest relationship with a lot of trust so I couldn’t keep this from him.

“I’m leaving. Are you coming?” I asked.

Lexi looked at me then looked around like she was contemplating her options.

“I’m going to lay here for a little while longer,” she finally said.

“Okay. See you later,” I said and opened the door to leave.

I was surprised when I ran right into Kyle in the living room. I gasped. I don’t know why, but I expected to sneak out of there without seeing him.

“Well, well, look who it is,” he greeted me, smiling.

“Hey Kyle. I’m leaving,” I said.

“Already? I was going to order breakfast.”

I couldn’t tell if he was actually serious, but I didn’t care. “Lexi is still here.”

Kyle looked past me at his bedroom door then said, “All right. It was good seeing you.” He pulled me into a hug then I went home. Seriously, I can’t believe I thought that was a good idea, even with how drunk I was.

Brady got back to Chicago that afternoon and I’d cleaned the house from top to bottom and made lasagna for his arrival.

When I heard him unlocking the door I ran to the door so I could greet him.

“Hiiiiiiii bae,” I squealed when I saw him.

“Hey,” he replied and I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him.

He laughed and asked, “Did you miss me?”

“A ton,” I said, pouting. “How was your trip?”

“It was good. I wish you would have come.”

My jaw dropped. “Well, I wasn’t invited.”

Brady didn’t say anything and took his suitcase and bag to the bedroom. I followed him.

“How was your weekend?” he asked.

I’d decided that I was going to come clean about what happened and not drag it out and make it a big deal.

“Oh my gosh,” I began. “Last night I tried to hook Lexi and Kyle up and we all went back to Kyle’s and Lexi and I slept in his bed.”

Brady stopped what he was doing and turned to look at me. “What?”

“I know! It was so weird. Nothing happened obviously.”

“Carly’s brother, Kyle?”

I nodded. “He and Lexi are a thing now.”

Lexi had texted me after she finally left Kyle’s and told me that they made out and fooled around and she was excited to see him again. And did I mind?

Brady just looked at me.

“So yeah. I came home as soon as I woke up.”

“Why did you even go over there?” Brady wanted to know.

“Lexi didn’t want to go alone because she didn’t want him to try anything,” I explained.

“You should have told her no.”

“I know, but I was really drunk…”

“When are you going to stop getting so drunk that you can’t even function? I mean, this is getting ridiculous. You’re not in college anymore, Reese. If you can’t go out and not drink until the point of oblivion then you don’t need to go out and more importantly, you should seek help.”

I was taken aback by this. Whoa. Seek help? The shade.

“No, you don’t understand. I hadn’t eaten. I didn’t drink a lot, but it still hit me pretty hard,” I explained.

Brady shook his head. “I’m sick of this.”

“Sick of what?” I exclaimed.

He didn’t answer and went in the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on and I started crying. I went into a crying coma and didn’t wake up until I heard the bathroom door open. I sat back up. Brady walked out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Brady, I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I was irresponsible. I love you and never want to hurt you.”

I could tell he was surprised by this confession, but tried to keep a straight face. “Okay.”

“Are you mad?”

“I’m disappointed.” Brady walked into his closet to get dressed and I waited on the bed for him to come out.

“What can I do to make it up to you?” I asked.

“Nothing. I would ask that you not do it again, but apparently you don’t know what that means,” Brady said. He walked out of the room and I followed him to the kitchen.

“I made lasagna,” I told him.

“Great, thanks.”

I made our plates then we sat at the dining table eating. Brady showed me more pictures of the baby (so effing cute) and seemed to be over the situation. But one of the takeaways I took from my Friday session with Laura was to address a problem as soon as I felt it eating at me and eliminate it. And the Kyle situation was eating at me. Specifically Brady’s reaction.

“When you said you were sick of this, what did you mean?” I asked.

Brady looked at me blankly for a moment like he didn’t know what I was talking about. Then he realized and said, “Nothing. It’s fine.”

“It isn’t fine! We are never going to stop fighting if we don’t talk about our issues and eliminate them!” I exclaimed.

He looked down. “You get yourself into really stupid situations. I wish you would think more before you do things instead of having to do damage control afterward.”

“I know. I’m really sorry. I was literally blacked out,” I said.

“I’m sick of you using being drunk as an excuse.”

I blinked. Brady was still looking down, avoiding eye contact. I felt like I was going to cry so I quickly got up and went to our room. I knew crying was dramatic and I had no right to cry so I didn’t want Brady to see me. But obviously he followed me.

“Reese,” he sighed, sounding exasperated.

“I’m fine,” I said. I wiped my tears away and turned around to look at him.

“Why are you crying?” Brady wanted to know.

“I know you’re telling the truth and the truth hurts. I just need to cry for a few minutes if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t want you to cry.”

“I want to.”

Brady laughed and hugged me. Then I cried like a baby.

I told him I am never drinking again.

He said, “You should just learn moderation.”

“What’s that?” I asked. Moderation isn’t a word in my vocabulary as you probably imagine.

But I think I will try it. Maybe limit myself to two drinks and have the people I’m out with hold me to it. The problem is I can’t stop drinking once I start. That’s probably the sign of a serious problem, right? I’ll ask Laura.

Living with Brady full time has been so different. I usually stayed over three to five times a week, but still. It’s going to take some getting used to. I went grocery shopping for us on Wednesday after work because there was literally no food in the house. I decided to go ahead and get the stuff we would need for the Labor Day party since I was already at the store and ended up spending almost $600. It was sickening! That’s two pairs of shoes!

And the other night he asked me to clean something. I don’t know why, but I was so offended. Why was he bossing me around? I was just sitting there working on my laptop with my feet up on the coffee table and Brady came home from work. He went to put his things down and stuff then came back in the living room and said, “Would you mind cleaning up all the stuff off the counters?”

I just stared at him.

Then he said, “I just don’t want it to be a mess when our guests get here.”

Our guests were Carly and Chris and they flew in that night. Brady went to get them from the airport while I made dinner/cleaned. When I heard the door open, I rushed to the door to see my girl.

“Carrrrlllllyyyy!” I squealed when I saw her walk in behind Chris.

“REEEESIIIEEEE!” she screamed back. She dropped her things and we hugged and cried. It was very dramatic.

“I’m so sorry I missed your birthday. Look what I got you!” Carly reached into her purse and pulled out a little bag. I immediately opened it and it was pretty bracelet set from Anthro. She’s so sweet.

After they put all their stuff down, we sat around the dining room eating and catching up. Carly and Chris say they love Philly. Carly is hoping to find a new job soon (she’s like a secretary now and doesn’t feel like she is making a difference in the world).

After we ate we went downstairs. They all wanted to smoke (just like old times!) and I decided to join. We smoked for literally two hours straight. Afterwards, Brady and I made huge bowls of ice cream and sat on the counter eating them.

“This is amazing,” I moaned.

“Not as amazing as you,” Brady said and I beamed.

On Saturday morning I rolled over and checked my phone, only to realize that it was 7:40 and our appointment with the therapist was at 8:00. I screamed.

Brady rolled over and I jumped over him to begin getting ready.

“What are you doing, Reese?” Brady mumbled.

“We have to be there in twenty minutes!” I exclaimed.

He got up and we got ready. We strolled in at 8:25 and I immediately started apologizing to our new therapist. She didn’t look how I was expecting. She was about 5’0 with wide hips and big boobs and huge blue eyes. She couldn’t have been over thirty five or forty and wouldn’t stop smiling.

“Don’t worry about it, Reese,” she said after I apologized for the fifth time. “Let’s get to it, shall we?”

She had me fill out some forms and surveys then we followed her into her office. Brady and I sat on the gray love seat while our therapist (Laura) sat in an oversized armchair adjacent to us.

The first question Laura asked was, “Brady, why are you here?”

I smiled at her. Yes, grill him Laura!

“I’m not really sure… Uh, Reese suggested we come here,” Brady answered.

I turned and stared at him, wide eyed. Seriously?

“We have been fighting a lot more lately so I thought coming here might help us communicate better,” I said.

Laura smiled and nodded. “That doesn’t answer my question though. Brady, why are you here?”

“Oh. Because Reese asked me to come,” he answered.

“You don’t think your relationship needs any improvement?” Laura continued.

“Not really, no.”

I turned and looked at him again. I wanted to strangle him. “Brady.”

“What?” he said, looking back at me defensively.

I was really embarrassed about arguing in front of Laura so I said, “Brady has issues opening up which is a big part of the problem,”

“Brady, if you could change one thing about your relationship with Reese, what would it be?”

“The way she throws a fit whenever she doesn’t get her way about anything,” Brady said.

“So that’s what you would change about Reese. What would you change about your relationship?” Laura smiled.

“Oh. Nothing.”

I wanted to turn and glare at him but decided that I couldn’t get mad because at least he was opening up.

“Reese, what would you change?”

“I wish we had more conversations about our future and more serious stuff in general,” I said.

“Does Brady know that?”

Laura and I both looked at him and he shrugged.

“We do have conversations about our future and stuff but only after we’ve been…partying. I wish he would initiate it under normal circumstances,” I continued.

“Brady, what do you think about that?” Laura asked him.

After a little pause, Brady said, “Honestly, I think it’s really ridiculous that we’re here. It’s completely unnecessary.”

I literally gasped.

“How about this – Brady, let’s chat alone. Reese, will you wait in the reception area? We’ve already spoken briefly, but now I would like to hear from Brady,” Laura said.

I stood up and glanced at Brady and I swear he shot daggers at me. The nerve! I went out into the waiting room fuming. Brady and the therapist talked alone for a whole hour. I sat in one of the chairs watching the door the entire time, waiting for them to come out. I was dying to know what they were talking about.

Finally, the door opened and Brady emerged first. Laura followed him and she was smiling like he had just proposed.

“Hi,” I said.

Laura whispered something to Brady then motioned for me to follow her into her office. So Brady and I basically switched spots. He smiled at me as we walked past each other and I rolled my eyes at him.

“What did you guys talk about?” I asked Laura as soon as we sat down next to each other on the love seat.

She laughed. “I can’t tell you that. It’s confidential.”

Rude. I thought she was supposed to be on my side.

“Reese, I have a question for you,” the shady therapist said.

“K.”

“Do you love Brady?”

This caught me off guard. I almost didn’t even know what to say.

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

Laura continued smiling like the psychopath that she is.

“Why do you love him?”

“I don’t know. Because he’s my boyfriend.”

She grabbed my forearm and leaned down close to me, looking concerned. “Seriously. Tell me why.”

I was honestly stumped. Like, I don’t know. I love him because I love him. But I tried to put into words exactly why. I was even curious myself.

“He’s my favorite person to be around. I can be myself and he still accepts me. We can talk all day and night and still have things to talk about. I’ve never met someone I can do that with. I’m not tired of him either and I think that says a lot. I have ADD,” I said.

Laura smiled and leaned down close to me. “I asked Brady the same question about you. What do you think he said?”

“I have no clue!” I blurted out.

She leaned back, looking surprised. “You don’t know why Brady loves you? Do you think he loves you?”

For some reason, I felt myself starting to tear up. I feel like you kind of have to cry in a therapist’s office or your session was useless, but I definitely didn’t plan on it.

“I mean, I hope so.”

“Do you believe he does?”

“Yes…”

“Why?”

“He probably said no. I don’t know. I’m a terrible girlfriend,” I said. I started crying. Laura handed me a few tissues like she had been waiting for the dam to break the whole time. I think it’s what she wanted.

“Guilt,” she said.

“No I’m fine,” I said.

“No, you’re obviously very guilty about not being a good partner. I’m glad you recognize it. And I hope we can come up with some solutions today,” Laura said.

“So it’s all my fault.”

“Do you think it’s your fault?”

“I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore.”

“Reese.” At this point Laura was way too close to my face and I could smell the coffee on her breath. “I’m not here to place blame on anyone. I’m here to help you.”

I eyed her.

“So you don’t think Brady loves you. Let’s talk about that,” Laura continued.

“I didn’t even say that. Chill,” I said. Do you see why I was hesitant to see a therapist?

“Let’s do an exercise,” Laura suggested.

And since she kind of pissed me off, I refused. I was being really short and standoffish with her so I decided to just end the session since it was basically ruined.

Brady and I made it almost all the way before even discussing what happened.

“So, how was that?” he asked me.

“Ugh,” I said. I was driving and made an overly wide right turn. Brady had to hold on to the door handle. “Stupid. I’m not going back.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I didn’t find it helpful,” I explained.

“Oh. I thought she kind of was,” Brady said.

“Probably because she put all the relationship problems on me,” I mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing. It was dumb. I’m not going back.”

But maybe it was kind of helpful because Brady and I were super sweet to each other all day. We even made blackberry cheesecake bites together.

On Saturday night, we went to a bar with Carly and Chris, but came home fairly early. On Sunday we had people over for Labor Day (a day early because Chris were flying out early in the morning). Brady manned the grill and I made salsa, guacamole and margaritas. Carly made pot brownies. I was drunk before the first guest even arrived, per usual.

I told Kendra and Carly the therapist story and Kendra said, “Reese, I think you were way too defensive.”

I’m like, “Are you kidding? She tried to call me out!”

“She did not.”

“Carly!” I exclaimed. “Can you imagine if you were in my situation?”

She shook her head with wide eyes like she didn’t want to get involved.

“I wonder what Brady told her,” Kendra said. “He probably made you sound like such a heartless bitch.”

I gasped. “Do you think so?”

Kendra shrugged.

“No, I bet he didn’t,” Carly said.

“I just feel like the therapist was being so unfair,” I sniffled.

“We don’t even know what she talked to Brady about,” Carly said.

“What about me?” Brady asked, walking over.

We all stared at each other and didn’t answer. Conversation over.

Oh my gosh, get this. Later on, I was sitting with Brady, Chris, Carly and one of their friends and someone mentioned threesomes. Like in a joking way. Brady said something like, “Not since 2010.”

I was like, “Wait, what?”

And Brady laughed and put his arm around me playfully.

“Wait, you’ve had a threesome?” I whisper-yelled.

He looked at me like I was being ridiculous and said, “Reese.”

Chris said something and Brady started laughing and talking to him, but I grabbed his arm.

“With two girls or two guys?” I asked.

He gave me that look like I was being a Nagging Nancy, but I didn’t even care. I needed answers!

“What do you think?” he asked.

I glared at him. “You’re gross.”

He laughed and went back to talking to his friends. I was shocked and appalled. I feel like I don’t even know him at all. Obviously he’s changed a lot since college.

Guess who texted me on Monday. Andrew! He said his friend has a boat and he was inviting me out on it. I have no idea why he invited me, but I considered it for about five minutes before deciding it wasn’t a good idea.

Plus, one of Brady’s friends was having people over and I needed to escort him there. It was one of those situations where everyone was super intelligent and had sophisticated sounding jobs (a chief dental resident, a financial auditor, an industrial engineer). Like “Hi, I help design pillows, nice to meet you.” I was definitely feeling mediocre/stupid. I even asked one of the girls if her top was J. Crew and she looked at me like I was an idiot and said she had no idea. So I stopped trying to make conversation with them after that.

How was everyone else’s Labor Day? This week is going to be hectic because one of my team members is still on vacation. You never realize how important someone is until they are gone. Speaking of, I need to plan a vacation for next month. Possibly around Halloween. Possibly without my slutty boyfriend (I haven’t had sex with him since finding out about his threesome and I won’t until I get more answers).
Update: I guess I should add this – I know I said I won’t go back to laura, but I’m going to see her alone on Friday morning. I paid for four sessions already so I may as well use them. Hopefully it’s better. 

My birthday was on Sunday and I celebrated all weekend. Obviously. On Friday, Preston met me at the office and we (Preston, Luke and me) went out for drinks. We started off with birthday cake shots and then just sat there talking and drinking. I still didn’t have any plans for my actual birthday, but we reserved a table at a nightclub for
Saturday night. We never go out to clubs anymore, but I figured since it was my birthday, I may as well do it.

On Saturday, Brady and I spent the majority of the day rearranging his house and making it more suitable for me. I wanted to spice the place up and make room for some of my items. I ordered a ton of stuff from work to decorate like a pompom trimmed throw blanket, a faceted full length mirror, monogrammed pillows with our initials and a fucking whale bookend. I love it all. I decided to take over the spare room so we can at least have a little privacy from each other if we ever need it.

That night I invited everyone over to pregame. I wore Alice + Olivia leather leggings and an off white lacy crop top with my Louboutin booties and dramatic red lips. Kendra brought over white chocolate and strawberry cupcakes and by the time she got there, I was drunk and cried because I thought the gesture was so nice. I mean, it was really nice of her especially since she’s so swamped with wedding stuff. Love her. Everyone sang Happy Birthday to me then we scarfed down cupcakes before making our way to the club.

So the night started off really nicely. Bottle service, tons of photos and dancing on the table and dancing with bae. How a birthday should be. I was mostly hanging all over Luke and we were talking to the guys at the table next to us who were so drunk they didn’t even know their names.

Suddenly one of their friends (who was wearing a fucking soccer jersey to the club, ew) came running over to their booth, barreling into me and knocking my vodka cranberry out of my hand and onto my legs and shoes. I screamed.

Luke yelled, “Dude, what the fuck is your problem?” but the guy was already on the other side of the booth.

I ran to the bathroom to clean myself up a bit then ran back out there because I didn’t want to miss any of the party. I came back and found Brady sitting down and I hopped in his lap and kissed his cheek.

“Baaaabe, are you even having fun?” I asked.

“Mmhm,” he replied.

There was a huge lipstick print on his cheek and I was so obsessed and told him to never wipe it off. Then I took a picture of it and uploaded it to Instagram.

Later on, Preston’s friend, Lexi, and I made a bathroom run. On the way back, I passed the table with all the drunk guys and saw the guy who had run into me and spilled my drink earlier. I was suddenly really annoyed again and flipped him the bird. He leaned forward and shook his head in my face, trying to taunt me. It was way too close for comfort so I shoved him. He was so drunk that he went down immediately, but not before grabbing onto my top to try to save himself.

This infuriated me so a scuffle ensued. I leaned over him and started screaming at him for assaulting me and ruining my outfit. All his friends started crowding around which I feel like only pissed me off more. The next thing I remember is being picked up and taken away from the scene. I feel like that happens to me way more than normal. Luke picked me up and brought me back to our table and everyone was asking if I was okay and telling me to calm down.

I told them that it wasn’t even my fault then I cried for one minute.

“Where’s Brady?” I asked after realizing that he was nowhere to be found.

Kendra informed me that he and John had gone to the bar and would be back soon. My first instinct was to go find them because I didn’t want my boyfriend hanging out with cheater John. Is that mean? I don’t care. So I walked to the bar and found Brady and John standing there waiting for drinks. I started crying immediately upon seeing my boyfriend.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. I threw my arms around him and he hugged me back.

“I just got in a fight,” I sobbed.

“With who?” he wanted to know.

“This ugly guy! He ruined my shirt, look!” I realized that my shirt was fine which for some reason made me cry harder.

“What guy? Where is he?” Brady asked.

“Security escorted him out,” I sniffled.

I wasn’t even talking to John and he said to me, “Why does this kind of stuff always happen to you?”

As if it was my fault! I glared at him and Brady asked if I was okay. I nodded and we went back to our booth. After my fight with that guy, I was no longer in the mood to party so I stood there with my arms crossed until Brady asked if I was ready to go. I said yes.

When we got home I immediately started asking Brady what he got me for my birthday. He told me to go to sleep and I’d see in the morning. I argued that it was the morning. Then he got in bed and stopped responding to me. So mean.

I slept in on Sunday morning and Brady woke me up. I was feeling a little sick and cranky, but Brady told me he had a surprise for me so I got up. He led me to the dining room where he had a breakfast feast set up complete with waffles, bacon, eggs, fruit and juice. And then sitting on a placemat where a plate should be was a small gray Chloé bag with gold hardware. The whole setup was so freaking cute and perfect for Instagram. But I was so excited that I forgot to even take a picture. I don’t know who he’s been talking to, but the bag is perfect and so me. How does he know me so well? I love it.

On Sunday evening, Brady and I got dressed up to go out for a nice dinner. It was like my birthday dinner plus our anniversary dinner which we never celebrated (I don’t even know when our actual anniversary is). I wore a Haute Hippie dress and my hair down with a middle part. We went to a super romantic Italian place and had a lot of wine and a four course meal. It was pretty good even though I’m not a huge fan of real Italian food (just every kind of pizza that ever existed, obv).

After dinner, I was feeling all happy from the wine and I wanted to keep celebrating. We walked a few blocks to a bar to have drinks. We were way overdressed, but it was fine. We talked a lot about Kendra and John’s wedding. I was complaining about not really liking John (his comment on Saturday night rubbed me the wrong way) and Brady said, “If she loves him and he makes her happy, do your personal feelings really matter?”

He was right so I stopped complaining and started talking to him about couples counseling because obviously this was the perfect time and place.

I said, “Since we’ve been arguing so much lately, my friends and I got a great idea: me and you should do couples therapy! If we are going to get married we have to do it!”

Brady’s eyebrows furrowed. “We haven’t been arguing that much.”

“Uhh, are you kidding? We’ve done nothing but fight for the last month. I didn’t even think we would last until my birthday!” I said.

“I think you’re completely exaggerating,” he said.

My jaw dropped. I think Brady saw that I was getting upset so he quickly added, “But if you think it’ll be beneficial, we can go. I don’t mind.”

Yay!

When we got home after the bar, I sat on the counter and polished off Kendra’s cupcakes. Brady got a text while we were out and found out that his brother and his wife had their baby. On my birthday! Is it bratty that I wished the baby would’ve waited an extra day to hatch? I don’t want it stealing my thunder! Brady decided that he’s going to go to California to visit them in two weeks and he didn’t invite me. Not that I want to go or anything, but still. I feel left out.

I took Monday off so I could recover and spent most of the morning in bed. Brady came home on his lunch break and I was sitting on the couch paying some credit card bills on my laptop. Brady came and sat next to me and I excitedly informed him of the responsible adultly task I was doing. I showed him my computer and Brady’s eyes got big.

“Wow, is that how much you owe?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I shrugged. “This card doesn’t have a limit. At least not that I’ve ever reached.”

“What do you use it for?” he wanted to know.

“Just shopping.”

Brady proceeded to lecture me about credit cards versus charge cards and told me that I shouldn’t be buying things if I can’t pay them off at the end of the month. I rolled my eyes and told him to stop lecturing me. He said that he wasn’t trying to lecture me, but the way I spend money is “childish.”

“Did you come all the way home from work to fight with me?” I asked.

Brady didn’t answer me and got up to go to the kitchen.

I started researching couples counseling right then and there. That was exactly why we need it. I wrote down some numbers and called around after Brady went back to work. I ended up talking to a lady for an hour and we really connected and she said she can see us on Saturday morning! I texted Brady letting him know the news and all he said was, “Ok.” I guess he’s not too enthused about it.

That’s about it. I had a drama filled birthday weekend, but that’s expected. Plus it wasn’t even as bad as usual. Cheers to another year! Bye!