Tag Archives: sex

drunk reese comes out to play.

Between the launch of the Nantucket Cottage line, the warehouse sale, and the deal with the Indonesian artist, I was swamped on Monday and Tuesday. I didn’t get out of the office until almost midnight both days and obviously passed out as soon as I got home.

On Wednesday, I gave my ad team a long list of tasks to keep them busy and snuck out by 5:30 to meet Kendra for drinks. We went to a place in between both of our jobs and got a pitcher of sangria. It was gone before I even finished recapping my day so we ordered another. And another. After a while, I needed a bathroom break but it was one of those singular bathroom situations so Kendra told me she would meet me outside. Which was honestly kind of offensive because we always go into the bathroom together. But whatever. 

Is it just me or do you never realize how drunk you are until you’re alone in a bathroom? I was sitting on the toilet handling my business, giggling like a fucking weirdo. While I was washing my hands I realized that I wanted to see Eric. I hadn’t heard from him all day even though he usually texts me in the morning. I pulled out my phone and called him, but he didn’t answer. Determined, I tried again and he picked up. That’s more like it. 

“Hello?” The background sounded loud, like he was in a bar or something. 

“Hey E!” I shouted. I had never called him “E” nor had he given me permission to. 

“Hi Reese. How are you?” he replied. 

“I’m good. I miss you. Wanna hang out?”

“I’m a little bit busy right now. Can we tomorrow?” 

Drunk Reese does not like rejection. 

“Why? What are you doing?”

“I’m at a bar watching the game with my friends,” he said. 

“So your friends are more important than me?”

It sounded like he stepped outside or into the bathroom because the background noise went away. 

“I didn’t say that,” Eric said. 

“I’ve been busy all week. Don’t you even want to see me?” I cried.

“I do want to see you, Reese, but I’m busy right now.” 

“If you really want to see me, come and get me.”

“I can’t right now.”

“So you don’t want to see me. Wow, Eric, I hope your friends are really worth it!”

He let out a deep sigh. “Are you serious right now, Reese?”

“Dead!” I exclaimed. 

He paused for a moment before saying, “Where are you?” 

I told him and he said he would be there in fifteen minutes. I emerged from the bathroom and Kendra said, “What took so long?” 

“I’m leaving,” I announced.

“Um okay. Where are you going?” she asked. 

“Eric is coming to get me,” I said, happily.

We still had a quarter pitcher of sangria left so I insisted we finish it before leaving. When we got outside, sure enough Eric was waiting at the curb in his Bentley.

“Do you want a ride home?” I asked Kendra, who had taken the subway to the restaurant. 

She said sure so we climbed in.

“Hiiiiii,” I sang. “You remember Kendra, don’t you? She just lives a few minutes away.”

Eric turned to Kendra in the backseat and said hello. I talked nonstop the entire way to Kendra’s while they listened and didn’t say anything. She thanked him for the ride and gave him what looked like a “good luck” look. 

“Did you want to come over?” Eric asked as we left Kendra’s apartment. He sounded exasperated. 

“Duh!” I said. I insisted he stop at a 7-11 so I could use the restroom again and get some Twizzlers (I don’t even like Twizzlers).

When we got to his condo, I immediately stripped off my dress and wedges and sat on his sectional eating my Twizzlers. Eric turned on the game and sat next to me, but didn’t say anything. I totally planned on going to his place and having wild, raunchy sex, but Drunk Reese passed out.

This morning, I woke up next to Eric in his bed. I felt awful about the stunt I pulled, but I’m not good at apologizing so I just gave him the best blow job of his life instead. He dropped me off at home so I could get ready for work and told me he would be busy but in touch. It irritated me a bit that he was claiming busy when I was actually the one who would be busy. But whatever.

Standard

sleep. fuck. eat. repeat.

On Saturday morning I woke up at Eric’s and we had sex, took a shower, had sex again, watched the end of The Dark Knight, ate half a bag of pretzels, and tried to have sex again. He invited me to grab food, but I realized all I had for clothing was my leather dress i.e. not daytime appropriate so he took me home. We made plans to do dinner on Sunday evening, but he canceled because his parents were in town. Cute.

I ended up going to Kendra’s for dinner because she made chicken carbonara. John was already there and then Preston and Carly joined us. We all sat around Kendra’s little drop leaf table with all of the food and drinks in the middle. It’s so cute how Kendra is working on being domestic. She’s going to be a great wife.

“What did you do last night, Pres? Your snaps were weird,” I asked. Preston had sent me a series of random SnapChats on Saturday night while I was deep conditioning my hair. Some were of his shirtless body, the floor, and random objects in a house. I texted him to see if everything was okay and he said he had no idea where he was. Obviously he was inebriated.

“Oh girl,” Preston said, dramatically. He took a sip of his water for effect. “Do you guys remember Shawn, from Grindr? The one with the foot long dick?”

“How could we forget?” I said.

Preston had exchanged pictures with a hot black guy from the app and he was so appalled by the sheer massiveness of the guy’s penis that he showed all of us. It was terrifying.

“Well, we hung out last night and he got me really drunk off Fireball. We ended up at this party in the suburbs and we went to one of the rooms in the house to have sex,” Preston continued.

“Oh Preston,” Kendra sighed, even though he hadn’t gotten to the climax (pun?) of the story.

“You guys know that I bottom when I’m drunk, right? Do you know where this story is going?”

“Oh no,” Carly said, ominously.

“His penis was so big that I ended up bleeding all over the bed! All over the people’s white sheets! I was mortified!”

I screamed.

“OH MY GOD, I WOULD HAVE DIED!” Carly exclaimed.

“I wanted to. Like, I’ve never bled before. I felt bad for bleeding on those people’s sheets.”

“What did Shawn say?” Kendra asked.

“He said it’s happened to him before. I mean, obviously. His dick is the size of a summer sausage.”

We all giggled, except John who was engrossed in his plate of pasta. I can’t believe he still lets Kendra hang out with us.

The topic switched to me and Eric and I told everyone about our fun night/morning and they seemed impressed.

“So far so good. At least you didn’t threaten to kill him after sex which is a start,” Kendra said.

That only happened once. It was right after I wrecked my Mercedes and I was in a dark place.

John finally excused himself and went home after that and then Carly told us about a guy she’s been hanging out with. If anyone has worse luck with guys than me, it’s Carly. Within the last six months she’s dated a man who was married with a pregnant wife, a felon (extortion), and a homeless guy. She’s such a sweet girl too. She’s a cute little blonde former sorority girl who works as a nanny slash personal assistant for a wealthy family in the suburbs. She parties like Tara Reid in the 2000s, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t a good person.

After dinner, Eric texted me and invited me to spend the night so I went home and packed a little overnight bag. We watched reruns of Chopped, fucked, and snuggled until we passed out.

Standard

pillows.

The show started at 7 so I planned on being out of the office by 4:30 to have enough time to get ready. Our weekly staff meeting started at 3 and wrapped up at 4:34 which is super annoying because they usually last no more than an hour. I shoved everything into my bag and tried to escape quickly, but Whitney had other plans. She followed me out of the conference room and cornered me in the hallway.

“Reese, hi,” she said sweetly. 

Whitney was that girl in high school who was pretty and nice, but fucking annoying because she was an overachiever and sucked the teacher’s butt. And she knows everything about everything and always has to be right – even when she’s not. We both started out doing social media and had a silent competition when the director position came open. I obviously won and she’s not too happy about it. 

“Hi Whitney,” I said, looking at my Marc Jacobs watch. 4:37.  

“Hey. I just wanted to touch base with you quickly because the warehouse sale is in just three weeks and there’s no advertisements about it. I’ve been talking about it a ton on Facebook and Twitter, of course, but we have to do more than that. Have you reached out to the radio stations and magazines?” 

The bitch is so condescending. I’m effing great at my job and I certainly don’t need any help from her on it. And technically, it’s not even my job. We have an entire advertising team who is responsible for that kind of thing.

“Thanks Whitney, but I have it under control,” I said quickly. 

“Okay,” she nodded. “Diana and I are just a little concerned that we haven’t seen anything. This is our first warehouse sale so we really need it to go well.”

“No need to worry. The sale is going to be a hit.” I started to walk around her, but she blocked my path and flagged down Diana, who was walking out of the conference room.

“Diana! I’m so glad we ran into you. I was just relaying our concerns to Reese.”

I rolled my eyes as Diana joined us. 

“I’m sure you and the ad team have a plan, but I wanted to make sure the timeline is right. We’re only three weeks out.”

If you aren’t on Diana’s good side, she will be your worst nightmare. She’s a middle aged ice queen with perfect white blonde hair and a killer wardrobe. She joined the company after spending a decade with a luxury interiors company in New York City. She has high standards and has no problem calling people out on their shit. Not me though. She loves me.

“We have everything ready to go out on Monday,” I assured her. “We are all so excited for this. It’s going to be a big success!”

Diana clapped her hands together. “I knew you had this taken care of. That’s my girl.”

I gave Whitney a sweet smile and looked down at my watch. 4:42. 

I started to tell them I needed to get going, but Whitney proceeded to share all of her advertising ideas and rattle off every major outlet we should promote through. As if we hadn’t thought of all this already. But I still want Diana to believe I’m a perfect little peach so I stayed there and listened politely while occasionally checking my watch. 

At 5:03, Diana announced that she needed to get home to her kid and I took that opportunity to sneak out with her. I finally got back to my apartment at 5:30. I don’t know about you but an hour and a half is just not enough time to get ready for a date. So I quickly showered and slipped into a tiny little vegan leather dress (per Eric’s request), Stuart Weitzman booties, and a black lace Cosabella thong just in case. I ran a curling wand through my hair and put on the basic makeup essentials: foundation, concealer, setting powder, bronzer, eight coats of mascara, winged eyeliner and YSL’s Exiqusite Plum lipstick.

Eric met me down in my lobby and pulled me into an embrace.

“Reese, you look sexy,” he greeted me with a bear hug. His lips brushed across my neck and it instantly made my heart rate quicken – that sexting sesh definitely changed our dynamic. At first we were just two people politely dating, not quite sure what the boundaries were. Now it was palpable sexual tension. 

The comedy show was fun I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing which I’m not. Eric seemed to enjoy it and would look over and make sure that I was laughing at all the key points. So then I would pretend to laugh all daintily so I wouldn’t ruin my lipstick. Life is so complicated. 

Afterwards we walked down the block to the bar. He ordered us Coronas and we settled into a spot in a corner of the bar. 

“So what’s new with you? I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks,” I said. In actuality it had only been five days, but who’s really counting? 

Eric took a swig of his beer. “Just going to rehab for my leg. I’m almost back to health. And trying to get the place finished. I picked out a backsplash yesterday.” 

“I hope you chose the mother of pearl tile,” I said. 

“Of course I did,” Eric smiled. “You picked those out and you have great taste.” 

Obviously. 

“What’s new with you?”

“I just secured an awesome deal with a batik artist out of Indonesia. It’s supposed to be secret, but I’m just so excited!” I practically squealed. 

The only people who knew about the deal were Diana and our president, Dave. The contract hasn’t been drawn up or signed yet so they want to keep it under wraps until then. It’s so exciting though! 

“Awesome job! You’re such a hardworker, Reese.” Eric put his arm around my shoulders.

“Thank you! I get my work ethic from my dad. He started out as an intern for a Fortune 500 company and now he’s one of the financial operators. He’s so dedicated. You should meet him,” I babbled.

Eric nodded and quickly put the Corona bottle to his lips. 

“Anyway, we’re going to collaborate on a line of bohemian inspired pillows, rugs and curtains. My boss said if it does well, we’re going to carry the line permanently. And I’ll get an amazing bonus, which means I could finally get the Givenchy Antigona bag I’ve been wanting. I know that like, everyone has it now, but I still have to have it…”

Eric was looking at me with his eyes glazed over and his mouth curled into an amused smirk.

“Come here,” he said, pulling my barstool close to him. And then he grabbed my neck and kissed me – nibbling my lip and probably getting a mouthful of lipstick. His scruffy face was rubbing against my cheek and it tickled. I began giggling. 

He pulled away and studied my face. “What?” 

“Your beard tickles,” I said, running a hand across his pricky face.

Eric gave me a relieved looking smile. “You are so cute. Do you want another drink?” 

I got a mojito then a vodka Sprite and then I convinced Eric to take a tequila shot with me.

At this point I was bouncing up and down in my barstool, dancing to that annoying ass “Happy” song.

“Hey,” Eric said. He put his hands on my shoulders to steady me. I continued swaying on my seat. “Do you want to come help me pick out pillows?” 

I knew what that was code for so I nodded. He paid the bar tab and we made the short walk to his condo. In the elevator, Eric grabbed my ass and pulled me close to him, planting kisses on my neck. That’s my spot so I let him go on for a moment and then I pulled away. 

“What kind of pillows do you have in mind?” 

He shrugged and pulled me close, kissing me on the lips. Probably so I would shut up. 

Eric didn’t bother turning on any lights and immediately led me to his bedroom. It was dark but from the light coming in from the floor to ceiling windows I could see a kind sized bed and a mound of pillows.

“Looks like you have enough pillows already,” I said, turning back to Eric. He was unbuttoning his shirt and I watched his massive fingers meticulously handle each button with lust in my eyes. 

Then he pulled his shirt off and before I could take in his shirtless body, he pushed me back on the bed and kissed me. Without taking his lips off me, he pulled off my booties, ran a hand up my inner thigh and started rubbing me just like he said he would. His lips trailed down to my neck – my spot – and his finger was moving in vigorous little circles. I was panting like a puppy and I felt my legs starting to quiver. 

Suddenly he stopped and climbed off me, but only to rip his jeans down to his knees. He quickly pulled my dress over my head, leaned back down and whispered, “Is this what you wanted, Reese?” 

I nodded.

And then without taking off my thong, he rammed into me so hard and quickly that I gasped. He grabbed a fist full of my hair and kept pushing and pushing until the bed started banging against the wall. His poor neighbors.

He buried his face in my hair and kept moaning my name over and over which has never happened to me before but it was really hot. The combination of him moaning my name and his perfect penis made me orgasm hard. He let out one last low groan and collapsed on top of me.

Eric doesn’t strike me as much of a post sex cuddler, but he pulled me close and spooned the shit out of me. We laid there in silence for a moment and then he said, “Maybe dark blue or green.”

I was in a groggy, coitus induced hangover, so I was like, “Huh?” 

And he said, “Pillows.” 

Standard