Oh my God. I want to die.

So on Thursday, I got to Tennessee and headed straight to the store to meet Andrew so we could prep for the visit. Andrew was kind of stressed and freaking out because there was so much that needed to be done and he waited until the last minute to tell us. I told him that he needed to relax and he said, “You’re right. I just want it to go well. I think we are plenty prepared.”

We left the store around 8:00 and Andrew invited everyone out for dinner on him. He said we needed to relax after the long day we had and the long day we had ahead of us. I agreed.

So me, Andrew, the Tennessee manager and assistants, a male manager from a nearby store and a sales director who came to help went a restaurant near the hotel we were staying in. I ended up hitting it off with the male manager from the nearby store. His name is Ty and he’s gay and fabulous. Andrew wanted to go around the table and have everywhere share their most embarrassing work moment. I’m pretty sure mine is hooking up with an intern, but I was not about to share that story. Everyone else’s stories were pretty PG so I didn’t want to be that girl.

Also during dinner, Andrew told me that he and his girlfriend broke up. I feel like he wanted me to admit that Brady and I broke up too, but I was just like, “Oh that’s too bad. You seem to be handling it well.”

After dinner, Andrew suggested we all go to the bar down the street and have a couple of drinks on him. Obviously none of us were going to turn down free drinks so we all agreed.

I knew that I needed to pace myself so I got a really modest skinny mojito when we got to the bar. It looked kind of lame compared to everyone else’s and Andrew was the first to call me out.

“Is that normally your drink of choice, Reese?” he smirked, gesturing toward my glass.

I shrugged. Why is he so annoying?

I hung out with Ty and we danced and drank martinis. Can I just marry a gay guy and have sex with random hot guys all my life? Is that bad? Yes? Okay.

After my third martini, I went to the bartender to get another and as I was waiting for her to make it, Andrew appeared next to me.

“Heyyyy, Andy!” I said, touching his bicep. I was much more tipsy than I intended.

He put his arm around me. “How’s it going, Reese? Still getting those baby drinks?”

As if on cue, the bartender slid a martini in front of me. I gave Andrew a flirty eyebrow raise while taking a sip.

“Can we get two shots of Belvedere?” Andrew asked the bartender.

“Nooo,” I gasped. The last thing I needed was a shot of vodka.

“Oh come onnnn,” Andrew enthused while squeezing my neck.

It wasn’t a vodka shot kind of night, but I took it anyway. And then I ran off with Ty and danced. Everyone was dancing with everyone and at one point, I remember Andrew coming behind me and we danced together. Like with me shaking my ass and him grabbing my hips. I thought it was just innocent fun.

Ty had gone to get us another drink and when he came back I squealed and ran to get my drink from him. Andrew slapped my ass as I ran away.

“Ooo, careful girl. Ain’t that your boss?” Ty said.

I laughed.

Later on, Andrew was sitting on one of the bar stools next to the manager of the Tennessee store and I thought he was being lame so I ran over to him. “Get Your Freak On” by Missy Elliot (she’s making a comeback?) was on and I danced in front of him while rapping along to it. What’s with me getting drunk and giving people lap dances? Once the song was over, I tried to skip away, but Andrew yanked my hand really hard and pulled me back so I could feel his crotch. He was hard. Oops?

I giggled because I didn’t know what he wanted me to do then I ran away. Things started to get blurry. There was lots of dancing – everyone was dancing with each other and Andrew, being the only straight guy, was definitely the center of it.

I remember this part pretty vividly though. I told Ty to hold my drink so I could go to the restroom. I went in and did my business, took a couple selfies and replied to a text then headed back out there. There was a little dark hallway that led back out to the bar area and a tall figure was walking toward the bathrooms as I walking away. Since it was dark I couldn’t tell that it was Andrew until he was close to me.

“I have to fucking piss,” he said and I could tell that he was really, really drunk.

“That way,” I said, pointing behind me.

I thought he was going to keep walking but instead Andrew stopped in front of me and said, “How’s your night going? Are you having fun?”

I nodded. “Mmhm.”

The hallway was small so when Andrew took a step toward me, I took a step back and I was against the wall.

“Think you’re ready for tomorrow?” he asked.

“I am. I think we will be fine. You’ve taught me everything I need to know and how to handle pressure,” I replied. Just because I was drunk didn’t mean I didn’t know the importance of ass kissing.

“Yeah.” Andrew had one hand and forearm resting against the wall on the side of my head and I felt the other hand graze my inner thigh. “I think you are ready too. I’m going to let you take the lead for the tour and only jump in when I need to.”

His hand crept up my thigh. I was wearing a loose floral dress, an oversized cardigan and boots so his hand was on my bare thigh. I couldn’t tell if it was deliberate or if he didn’t realize what he was doing, but I didn’t say anything.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this enough, but Andrew is tall and really good looking. He looks like a young Freddie Prinze Jr., but his personality just kind of ruins it. Not that that is an excuse for anything, but just throwing it out there.

“Okay. That sounds good.”

“My biggest piece of advice for you would be that you need to be able to back up everything you say. They’re going to ask why things are the way they are.” He reached my underwear and I felt him gently nudge my vagina with his knuckle.

“Okay, that isn’t a problem.”

“I mean, your sales are good for this store. You don’t have to worry about that. They’re going to want to know why sales are good.” Andrew started rubbing my clit.

I nodded.

“Now your other stores, on the other hand. Those need some attention,” Andrew said in a very Andrew kind of way.

“I know,” I said, trying not to roll my eyes. “I think I need to start looking at the sales teams and making sure we have the best people working for us.”

“That’s a very good place to start, Reese.”

I hate to admit it, but Andrew rubbing my vagina felt really, really good. So I didn’t stop him.

“Do you think you could come up with a game plan for that at the start of next week?” Andrew asked as he pushed my underwear out of the way and finally pushed him finger into me.

My breathing shallowed and I practically whispered, “Yes. I’ll work on it on Monday.”

“I’ll expect you to be ready to speak about it on the conference call. I need some proof that you’re trying to improve your numbers.”

I nodded, trying to maintain eye contact. Really, I wanted to throw my head back and moan and squirm, but I couldn’t do that because apparently we were pretending like this wasn’t happening.

“I have faith in you, Reese. I hired you for a reason, you know.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll get all of my sales up. I want your job one day.”

“Oh really?” Andrew said sounding surprised as he pulled his finger out.

“Yes.”

Just as I said that, Andrew stuck his finger in my mouth – the one that was just inside me. I sucked on his finger using my tongue much more than necessary until he pulled it out and drug it down my chin. I guess since it was already happening, I decided to milk it. I needed Andrew to know how good I am with my mouth.

“I’m going to use the bathroom then head out of here. Important day tomorrow,” he said suddenly.

As soon as he took a step back, I scurried away. I did not want to stick around and discuss the fact that he’d just fingered me. I found Ty and grabbed my drink from him and downed it.

I didn’t see Andrew before I walked with Ty back to the hotel, but when I got undressed and in bed, I got a text.

It said, “Reese.”

I replied, “Yes, Andrew?”

It took him what felt like twenty minutes to respond. He said, “Come to my room. 410.”

I’m not going to lie, I considered it. One thing I don’t know if y’all can tell about me is that I like to tease boys sometimes. And after the way Andrew has treated me since I’ve known him, I would love to get him all riled up then leave him hanging right before the action began. But I wasn’t too drunk to realize that that wasn’t a good idea. Things had already gotten out of hand.

“Why?” I said back.

“Please. I want you in my bed.”

I giggled, enjoying seeing Andrew beg a little too much.

“What do you want to do?” I asked.

“I want to touch you and kiss you.”

A few minutes later, he added, “Please Reese.”

I wanted to say back, “If I do, can I get a raise?” but didn’t know if Andrew would find it as funny as I did.

“Room 410,” Andrew went on.

I was actually visualizing being in bed with Andrew and him being on top of me. I felt a familiar feeling building up in my tummy. Fuck. No! I hate Andrew. I wasn’t supposed to be feeling like this.

Andrew sent another text (“Are you coming?”) before I put my phone on do not disturb and tried to fall asleep.

I woke up on Friday morning with a start. I’d forgotten to set an alarm and we were supposed to meet at the store at eight. Luckily I woke up at six, but I felt like shit. Going out and getting drunk was Andrew’s worst idea yet. I took a long steaming shower to hopefully wash away how gross I felt and then got dressed in a printed shift dress and pumps and threw my hair in a topknot.

Andrew was waiting for me in the lobby and actually looked awake and professional and the exact opposite of his drunken stupor from the night before.

“Did you bring your notes?” he greeted me.

“Yeah.” I patted my bag.

“Okay, let’s go. I want to do a couple of practice run throughs before they get here,” Andrew said and I followed him to the rental.

I couldn’t tell if he was mad or just stressed, but he was pretty quiet. We practiced for a bit and Andrew was back to his regular self and being an asshole to me. The tour went fine. Between Andrew, the manager and me we were able to answer whatever questions the visitors had. It was the two women who interviewed me, the company president and the head of merchandising. They even complimented me and said, “Wow, Reese, you haven’t been here long, but you sure know your stuff.”

I had to resist turning to Andrew to make sure he heard. After they left Andrew said to me, “You pretty good for your first store tour with the bigwigs. I think the practice I did with you this morning helped.”

I rolled my eyes at him trying to take the credit. I knew I did well and didn’t need him telling me. Andrew left to go back to New York City before my flight took off so I hung around the store for a while. Leah texted me asking how it went.

“Good. They liked me and Andrew tried to take all the credit,” I replied.

“Of course. Ty said he was all over everyone last night. I heard he does that all time, he takes all the hot young girls out and tries to get them drunk and hook up with them.”

Wait. Is that what he did? I thought about it; there was me (obviously young and hot), the Tennessee manager (young and pretty hot), her assistants (young and hot), a sales director from a different region (young and hot) and Ty (gay, but hot. He was probably used as a decoy because Andrew couldn’t be too obvious).

I needed to get more information without giving myself away. “Really lol? Does he hook up with a lot of them?”

“Oh yeah. I’m surprised he didn’t try anything with you. If he wasn’t so good at his job I’m sure he would’ve been fired by now. He’s had so many HR calls on him lol.”

I was mortified. So Andrew tried that with everyone and I was the dumb girl who allowed him to? Gross. I’m not even that attracted to him so I don’t know how that got so out of control.

Suddenly I realized that I can’t work for him anymore. Not after that line had been crossed. And not after I found out about his track record. How is he ever going to take my seriously when we’d allowed that to happen? I know I have no right to say this, but I feel taken advantage of. Andrew knows what he’s doing.

I decided that when I got back to Chicago, I would figure out what my options were.

As I was boarding my flight I checked my email and I had a new one from my apartment management company. I had reached out to them a couple of days ago to see about re-signing my lease since I’m not staying with Brady anymore. One of the managers emailed me back and told me that unfortunately all the one bedrooms including mine were all taken for April.

How is that possible? My apartment building is huge, how are there no one bedrooms available? I emailed back saying that. Then I slept the entire flight home. When I landed, I checked to see if she replied and she said something along the lines of: “When you put in your sixty day notice, we rented out your apartment. One bedrooms get rented out very quickly here. Sorry about that, Reese.”

Meaning, I have to move out. And I have less than a month to find somewhere to live. Suddenly I was rethinking all my life decisions. Why did I yell at Brady so he dumped me and now I have nowhere to live? Actually a better question: why did I put in my sixty day notice without making sure Brady was 100% about our relationship? And why didn’t I buy a condo with Mark when I had the chance?

I got to my apartment and cried. I feel like all I do is cry lately. So much in my life is changing and I can’t handle too much change at once. I decided that I need to get my old job back. I know it’s been filled and everything, but I miss my office and the work I did and actually loving my boss. I haven’t spoken a lot with Diana since I left, but I emailed her asking if she is available to meet with me on Monday morning. I hope it’s not too desperate, but I’m going to beg for my old job back.

When I walked into work on Monday morning, Leah was already there with Andrew. As you can imagine, I was in no mood to deal with him. We talked about business for the first hour or so then he asked how my weekend was. I told him it was fine.

Then he said, “How’s your man?”

Ew. I didn’t like the way he said “your man.” Regardless I wasn’t about to tell him that we broke up so I was like, “Oh he’s good!” super enthusiastically.

Andrew smiled. “Great! Glad to hear it!”

I feel like he’s just always fishing for information on my personal life.

Later on in the day, Leah, Andrew and I were standing behind the counter of the store all working on our respective paperwork when Leah said to me, “So did you call him?”

I was only half listening so I was like, “Who?”

“Your ex! Have you called him?”

That got my attention. I glanced at Andrew quickly to see if he heard. He wasn’t paying attention. 

“Shh,” I told her. “I don’t want Andrew to know we broke up.”

Leah gave me a weird look. “Okay… I already told him though.”

“What? Why?!” I exclaimed. Andrew looked over.

Leah shrugged and whispered, “He asked about my weekend and I told him. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was a secret.”

Ugh. So I don’t know if she told Andrew before or after he asked me about Brady, but he now knows that I lied, right? I’m glad he didn’t confront me about it and make it awkward.

Around lunch time I got a text from Carly that said, “Hey! Brady gave me your stuff to give you!”

I replied, “What?”

“Brady asked me to give you all your stuff you left over there…”

I was livid. Brady didn’t even have the balls to give me my shit back himself? What a puss. 

Andrew wanted to go to lunch and I don’t even remember what we talked about because I was so pissed. When we got back to the store, I locked myself in the bathroom and typed up a scathing message to Brady letting him know what a coward he is and how he was going to be single and lonely forever. And then I deleted it. It wasn’t even worth it.

When Carly dropped my things off later I made her explain to me exactly what happened.

“Well, as I was leaving last night, Brady stopped me and asked if I could take something to you,” Carly said.

“What were his exact words?” I wanted to know.

“‘I have some of Reese’s things. Would you mind giving them to her?'”

“Did you ask him why he couldn’t give them to me himself?”

“Noo, of course not, Reese. He’s just as fragile as you are. I said sure.”

“I’m not fragile,” I muttered.

“So he went in his room and brought out all your stuff. Look how nice he folded everything!”

She was right that he’d packed all my stuff really neatly in a Trader Joe’s bag. He fucking would. I seriously can’t believe he gave my stuff to Carly so he wouldn’t have to talk to me. Actually, yes I can. I hate him.

On Tuesday, Kyle texted me in the morning asking how I was doing which was really nice. We ended up texting all throughout the day and I was happy to have someone to complain to about work. He offered to give me a massage and I accepted so he came over that night. I wasn’t going to turn down a massage.

I poured myself a glass of wine and sat between Kyle’s legs on the couch while he rubbed my neck and shoulders. I was talking his ear off about everything from working out to my living room decor to the Patriots winning the Super Bowl. Clearly I don’t have anyone else to talk to.

Eventually he started going lower and massaged my back and subtly reached around and felt up my boobs. I let him and kept talking like nothing was happening. And then he started kissing my neck. And then he took off my shirt. I continued talking and sipping my wine. And then finally, Kyle took my glass of wine out of my hand, pushed me back on the couch and ran his tongue all over my chest and tummy. Then the only sounds coming out of my mouth were moans.

Sooo, yeah. I kind of hooked up with Kyle again. No tears this time. It was actually really nice and I wouldn’t be opposed to doing it again (I won’t though). I still kicked him out afterwards.

I convinced Kendra to get drinks with me on Wednesday night. I hadn’t seen much of her since she and John got engaged. The first thing she asked about was Brady and even though I had a ton of questions for her, I did want to talk about Brady.

“I think he’s gay,” I said, eating a mozzarella stick.

“What?” Kendra exclaimed, almost laughing.

“It’ll explain a lot of things. He’s so clean. When I first went to his condo, I thought Chris was married and lived with a woman because it was so clean and well decorated. Nope, just Gay Brady putting his gay touch on everything.”

“Oh, Reese.”

“What? It’s true. And the fact that it took him so long to have sex with me. What straight guy would turn down pussy being thrown at him?”

“He’s just a gentleman. And he wanted more than just sex with you so he waited. I think that’s admirable.”

“And then, I think he has a crush on Chris. He told me that he doesn’t really need a roommate, but it’s nice having one. What straight guy in his late twenties wants a roommate? Gay.”

Kendra scrunched her nose up. “I don’t get that vibe. And Preston hasn’t mentioned anything. You know Preston can sniff a gay out from a mile away.”

Truthfully, I know Brady is not gay. I just wanted to talk shit about him. He did mention that he doesn’t charge Chris very much in rent and he enjoys having him around though.

“So, you’re getting married,” I said to change the subject.

“Yep. Haven’t set a date yet,” Kendra said while admiring her ring. John did really, really well with Kendra’s emerald cut Tacori ring. It’s huge and beautiful. I didn’t think John had that kind of taste.

“Why haven’t you asked me to be a bridesmaid?” I asked.

“We don’t know if we want to do a big wedding with bridesmaids and stuff. We were thinking a beach wedding in Hawaii with just our parents.”

I rolled my eyes. “Y’all are so boring and predictable.”

“Shut up, Reese,” Kendra said and she actually sounded serious. Touchy subject?

Anyway, I’m headed to Tennessee now for our big visit with the directors and presidents from New York. They are coming tomorrow (Friday) so we are going to be prepping pretty much all day. I hope it goes well/Andrew doesn’t make my life hell. Not counting on it though. Bye!

I sulked all week and really did nothing except work, go to the gym and cry at the comments on the blog. Everyone knew what happened and wanted to offer their advice. Preston thought I needed a rebound hook up and Kendra and Carly thought I should reach out to Brady because he’s passive and obviously isn’t going to reach out to me. I disagree. He’s the one who broke up with me, why would I reach out to him? Why should I have to call him and be like, “Are you sure?” He’s a grown up.

On Friday, I worked with the manager of the Chicago store, Leah, and she sensed something was wrong. So I spent the day telling her about me and Brady’s relationship then ending it with how he abruptly dumped me. She said, “Oh Reese, you poor thing.”

I was kind of sick of all the pity from everyone so I was like, “It’s fine. I’m not worried about it.” Which was obviously a lie.

Leah could tell.

“You should call him,” she said. “He probably misses you terribly.”

“So? He decided this. This is what he wanted.”

Leah looked at me sympathetically for a moment until she realized that I wasn’t budging. “Well, it’s my friends birthday tonight and we are all going out. You should come!”

I waved her away. “I’m fine. I’m going to go to the gym then get in bed. That’s what I do every night now.”

Leah put her hand on my arm. “I insist. Please come out! You’re always so fun and bubbly. I don’t like seeing you like this.”

Since she was being so nice I told her that I would think about it. I went home and hit the gym for two hours like I promised myself then I showered and got in bed. All my friends were busy – Preston was going to Boystown with a boy, Kendra was out of town with John and Carly was at Chris’s. I really wanted to lay around and feel sorry for myself but decided I wasn’t going to let Brady ruin me/my social life. 

I put on a black lace minidress, tights, and black booties with straightened hair and vampy maroon lipstick. We met at Leah’s friend’s apartment to pregame/take pics for Instagram and I even posted one where me and my new friends looked super cute to Facebook in case Brady logged on. 

We started off at a lowkey place with wine and appetizers. Leah’s friends were nice, but I was a little annoyed at how prudish they were. They were standoffish to every guy who approached us, scoffed at people who were dancing and started yawning around 11:30.

I think Leah felt the same way so we suggested we all go to a bar that we knew would be more wild. We were celebrating a birthday, for goodness sakes. The next bar was a lot more crowded and the music was louder and everyone seemed to be inebriated. Perfect. Leah and I went to the bartender and ordered six tequila shots. As soon as we cheersed and took our shots, I turned around to hide my grossed out shot face and ran right into Carly’s brother, Kyle.

“Hey you!” he exclaimed, grabbing me. Kyle is so hot. I quickly tried to recover.

“Hey! How have you been?” I asked. We hugged.

He told me about how he’d moved into a condo not far from my apartment and I asked why he didn’t tell me sooner, I needed to welcome him to the neighborhood!

“Well, you’re with that guy. I don’t want to intrude or anything, you know?” Kyle said. I knew that he didn’t care about intruding by the way he was looking at me and touching my hip.

“Not that it matters, but we broke up,” I said as nonchalantly as possible. I think I sounded like a bitter bitch though.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Are you okay?”

I shrugged. “I’m fine. I don’t even care.”

Leah grabbed my shoulder and shoved a drink in my hand and told me we were going to the other side of the bar. I told Kyle I would find him later. Leah’s friends were still being kind of lame, but luckily Leah was still down to have fun. We mingled and drank and I was actually having fun and not feeling super depressed. 

A few drinks later (I was still buying my own #independent), I ran into Kyle again on my way out of the bathroom. We started talking and found ourselves sitting at one of the long hightop tables. He asked why Brady and I broke up which I don’t think he had any right to ask. But whatever. I made up some vague “mutual decision” excuse and he started telling me how amazing I am and blah blah blah. Then he pulled my face toward him and we started making out.

When we pulled away, I felt this rush surge through me. Not like fireworks or butterflies or anything ridiculous like that – it was like an adrenaline rush from kissing someone new. Is that bad? 

A little while later we went our seperate ways and Kyle told me to keep him posted on where we ended up going. Leah’s friends got tired and went home, but Leah and I went to another bar, met some guys to buy us drinks, danced, then went home. I had fun with Leah. She’s one of those genuinely nice people who doesn’t have to try too hard to be nice.

When I got home Kyle texted me asking where we were. I told him that we’d called it a night and I was at home (I left out the detail that I was drunkly heating up a frozen burrito).

He said, “Do you want some company tonight?”

I replied, “Maybe.” I knew what “company” meant and I wasn’t sure if I wanted any. I did want to tease him a bit, regardless.

Kyle sent back a smiling emoji and asked for my address. I debated with myself for about fifteen minutes then I grabbed my phone and typed in my address. Then I threw my phone down and chugged a beer I found in my fridge. I didn’t know what to do. Why was I allowing Kyle to come over? I knew it was a bad idea, even in my drunken stupor. I think I was just enjoying the attention a little too much.

Kyle texted me when he was downstairs and I decided to go get him instead of buzzing him up. Luckily my normal doorman wasn’t working and couldn’t see me bringing home a different guy. Can’t have him judging me.

When we got up to my apartment I told Kyle to sit on the couch and I got him a beer and asked if he wanted a burrito. He did and the one I planned on eating was the last one I had. I was annoyed, but still gave it to him. While he ate my last burrito, I ran in my room to change. I was just wearing a t-shirt when I peeked back out to the living room and Kyle saw me.

“Look at you! Come here,” he said and I ran to take cover because I was half naked.

Kyle followed me into my room and spun me around so he could kiss me. He was kind of trying to walk me back to my bed, but I pushed him away. If this was going to happen, it was going to be on my terms.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Get on the bed,” I instructed.

He did, but grabbed me so I was on top of him. I pushed him back and we kissed for a while. Then he said, “Do you have a condom, Reese?”

I sat back up and shook my head furiously. Kyle shrugged and said, “I might have one. Just a sec.”

He quickly pulled a condom out of his jeans pocket without having to look at all. At the time I was like whatever, at least he came prepared, but now I’m just annoyed because obviously he came over expecting to get some.

So we had sex. Well, kind of. He pushed his pants down a bit and put the condom on then we started having sex with me on top and both of our shirts still on. It started off fine and I was even enjoying it. And then I made the mistake of looking down at Kyle. Don’t get me wrong, Kyle is beautiful, but he’s just not Brady. And he’s Carly’s brother who she’s told me a million times is off limits. And the way he was just laying there, looking all smug like “Ha, I finally fucked her,” made me lose it. I started crying.

Kyle didn’t notice at first until I started sniffling. He looked at me and saw that I was crying and said, “Uh…are you okay?”

I wanted to shout, “Do I look okay?!” but instead I dismounted and sat on the bed next to him. By then I was bawling. Rebound dick was the worst idea ever. 

“Reese, what’s wrong?” Kyle persisted.

I glanced at him, laying on my bed with his penis out and I just felt gross. I don’t even think I’d changed my sheets since the last time Brady and I had sex in my bed. I was disgusted.

“I think you should leave,” I managed between my sobs.

“Uhh,” Kyle waited a moment, probably to make sure I was serious. “Okay.”

“Please don’t tell Carly that this happened.”

“I won’t.” I heard Kyle get up and pull his pants up and then say, “See you later,” before letting himself out.

Luckily I past out right after that. On Saturday morning, I made Preston get breakfast with me. I had to tell him what happened and how his idea backfired. After I told him the story he said, “Holy fuck. Kyle is so sexy though. Was it big?”

I could barely remember and I really didn’t care. “It was really long. It wasn’t super thick or anything. It was pretty nice.”

“Mmmm, I wanna see it,” Preston said dreamily.

“But that doesn’t change the fact that I should have never had sex with him. I literally hate myself right now.”

“Oh, buttercup, you’re being dramatic. Let’s go shopping after this and you’ll forget all about it.”

“Preston, this isn’t something shopping can fix.” I had to look skyward so my tears wouldn’t fall. I was not going to cry in the middle of a restaurant. “I’m still in love with Brady and I fucking miss him.”

“Here’s what I think,” Preston said and I prepared myself for his brutally honest opinion. “You need to call him. I know, I know, you don’t think it’s your job to have to call him, but if you miss him as much as you say you do, you’ll have to. What do you have to lose? If you don’t call him, he isn’t going to call you and you’ll never speak to him again. If you do call him, he will either want to talk or he won’t. If he does, perfect. If he doesn’t, then whatever. You’ll move on. I can name a thousand guys who would love a chance with you.”

“Wait. You really don’t think he will call me?”

Preston shook his head as he sipped his latte. “He isn’t going to call you, boo. When have we ever seen Brady go after what he wanted? Didn’t you have to shove your tits in his face to get him to have sex with you?”

I did. And it had been exactly ten days since the last time I had seen or spoken to him and I hadn’t heard a peep from Brady at all. I could be dead for all he knows. Does he even care?

Kyle texted me on Saturday morning too. He said, “Hey. I hope you’re doing better today. Let me know if you need anything.” Which was really sweet, but I didn’t respond. Too embarrassed and ashamed.

Later on, I got on Facebook and saw that I had uploaded a really cute selfie of me and Kyle with the caption, “Look who I ran into!” I don’t even remember doing that. Even though it had 72 likes and I looked really hot, I deleted it. Can’t have any evidence.

So yeah. Definitely hooked up with someone I shouldn’t have over the weekend. Preston is the only person who knows because everyone else would murder me. This sounds bad, but me hooking up with Kyle might be a good sign that I’m getting back to normal (not heartbroken and sad). So it’s a good thing, right?! No? I’m kidding. I hate myself.

I thought it might be fun to do a #throwbackthursday post with a story from college so here’s one. Y’all can’t judge me for this. This was probably five years ago and I’m a completely changed woman now. So let’s just look back and laugh. 

When I was in college one of my closest friends and roommates was a girl named Lauren. Everyone always got me and Lauren mixed up – we had the same height and build (short, small, big boobs), looked kind of similar (lightish hair, hazel/green eyes, big smiles), had the same crass, sarcastic sense of humor, and could regularly be found drinking tequila by the handle at parties around campus.

So one time, we heard that my ex – I’ll just give him a name, let’s call him Devin – was texting/sexting this girl we hated. Devin and I were on some sort of break at the time, but I was still furious and upset that he was texting her of all people. Naturally I wanted to confront him about it so I decided the best place to do it was outside the gym where he was working out. This was on a Thursday and he always worked out until around 7:30 on Thursday nights (I had his entire schedule memorized, obviously).

Lauren tagged along for moral support and we waited outside the gym for him to come out. When he finally emerged, I stepped in front of him to block his path. He didn’t look surprised or happy to see me.

“What’s up?” he asked.

Just so you can have a mental picture in your head, Devin is around 6’3 or 6’4 – he’s tall – with an athletic build and some tattoos on his arms and body. He’s black, white and Filipino and his face was clean shaven at the time.

“I heard you’re texting [girl who we hate who doesn’t deserve a name],” I said, crossing my arms.

Devin scrunched his face up. “Who told you that?”

“Everyone!” I exclaimed, when in actuality it was only two people, but one of them was the girl we hate’s friend.

“Well it doesn’t matter if I am or not. It’s none of your business,” Devin said. Rude. I knew that meant he was definitely sexting her. 

We began arguing and he started to walk away. I tried to grab his t-shirt to stop him but he pulled out of my grip. So I did the only thing I could think to do next: I jumped on his back and started punching him in the side of his head. Lauren, being the great friend that she was, jumped in front of him and held his arms down so I could beat him without him fighting me off.

So for the next minute I punched him, clawed him, choked him and whatever else I could do to hurt him. Lauren successfully restrained him for that minute (and also got a few jabs in) while his muffled voice called me psycho and demanded I get off. A campus security guard was patrolling the area, walked past and saw the scuffle.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” the guard shouted and ran over to us. “What’s going on? Get down!”

He literally had to pry me off Devin’s back and I used my nails to dig into Devin’s skin as the guard pulled me off. He turned to me and I was delighted to see red scratches on his neck and along his jaw. 

“You’re such a crazy bitch,” he mumbled as he began walking away. “And fuck you, Lauren.”

“This isn’t over!” I called after him.

The security guard grabbed me again as if I were going to chase Devin and I pushed him away. “Do not touch me.”

He told us that we needed to leave so we did. I think this was during finals week or something because Lauren and I decided to go out and drink after that. Usually we drank all day during finals. That night there was a party at one of the football player’s off campus house and we knew Devin would be there so we decided to seek revenge then. Devin drove a really nice car back then, I think it was like a Camaro or something. It was brand new and he had pimped it out with rims and stuff and loved to showroom park it wherever he went. It was actually pretty tacky.

So obviously that was what we were going to go after. We were pretty drunk and we asked one of Lauren’s guy friends to take us to Walmart so we could get supplies to vandalize his car. We spent like $70 on silly string, shaving cream, toilet paper, eggs, and Cheetos puffs (for us to eat) then had the guy take us to the party.

Sure enough, Devin’s pretty black car was parked on the front lawn. We had to move quickly so we didn’t get caught in the act (not that we cared, he would know it was us anyway. We did stupid things like this all the time) so we began spraying the car with shaving cream and silly string, smashing eggs on it and wrapping it with toilet paper. We were laughing so hard that we were being really loud and kind of causing a scene. It was fun though.

We had covered a really good amount of  the car when a football player came out from inside the party. He shouted something like, “Yooo, what the fuck?” so Lauren and I laughed and ran next door to another house party before he could confront us.

I didn’t hear from Devin until the next morning. I expected him to be pissed and tell me off, which was the goal. We did this practically every week: he pissed me off, I retaliated, he got pissed then we made up. It’s just what we did. So I was anticipating his pissed off text.

I was surprised when I opened it and it said, “Did you shit on my car?”

I replied, “What?” because I was confused. I figured he meant to say, “Did you put all this shit on my car?” and just missed a few words. But no. He meant exactly what he said.

“Did you take a dump on my car? [Football player who caught us in the act] said he saw you and Lauren fucking with it last night. You’re sick.”

After a little back and forth, I realized that after Lauren and I left, someone must have seen the vandalized car and decided to add their own touch – by pooping on it. But Devin thought we did it! I was mortified. 

I explained that we only used the shaving cream, silly string, eggs and toilet paper and denied the poop over and over until he finally said, “Okay whatever. Stay away from my car.”

We never found out who the real pooping culprit was, but I’m sure Devin probably still thinks it was us. Not that I care anymore. Can I also say that I do not condone domestic violence? Devin and I got into fights like that all the time. Well, I usually beat up on him, but he never hit me back. Which I guess is the only nice thing about him.

The funny thing is, Lauren and Devin are both living in LA now. She and I don’t talk much anymore because she has changed into a completely different person, but she’s doing great.

So back to present day. I haven’t talked to Brady (can we give him a fake name? Typing it makes me sad), but I asked Carly if she’s seen him. She said he’s still always just working in the dining room on his laptop. And that Brady told Chris that we broke up, but won’t talk to her about it. I mean, not that he should, but she said he’s almost awkward about it. Like he tries to talk about everything except me. She said the other day he complimented her boots and they proceeded to have a fifteen minute conversation about women’s boots. That makes me really, really sad for some reason.

Anyway, I’m going to get to work and cry. Bye!

I flew to Tennessee on Tuesday morning to meet Andrew for our mock store walk through. On my way to the store he let me know that he would be in later on in the afternoon so I was relieved to have some time to prepare and perfect the store.

Since I sent a detailed and specific email with what needed to be done I expected the store to only need a few final touches, but when I walked in I saw that almost nothing on my to-do list got completed. I was horrified.

“What happened?” I asked the manager. 

“What do you mean?” she said back, looking confused.

“Did you just not want to do what I asked you to do?” I was trying to be as calm as I could, but I could feel myself about to explode.

“We’ve been really busy. We didn’t get to everything,” she explained.

I was so irritated. They obviously weren’t that busy because they didn’t even meet their sales projections. I pointed that out.

“We wanted to focus all our attention on selling so we didn’t want to get too wrapped up in those tasks,” she said which sounded like an excuse to me.

I wasn’t about to waste anymore time arguing with her and instead started tackling the list myself. By the time Andrew arrived later on that afternoon I was drenched in sweat from moving so much stuff around. I felt disgusting. He showed up with a tallish blonde girl and introduced her as “Tori,” a senior sales director who was getting promoted soon.

Tori was wearing a Dannijo statement necklace (I’ve been eyeing the same one), leggings and unnecessarily high booties. She was cute, but a little too fake smiley for me.

“So Reese, how was your weekend?” Andrew asked.

“It was good! I had fun. Thanks for asking,” I replied as cheerfully as I could.

“Yeah? I guess your guy did well?” Andrew continued.

I clasped my hands behind my back so he couldn’t see my bracelet. I feel like he would have found a way to make me feel like shit about it. Andrew seems like that boyfriend who would make you go change if he didn’t like your outfit for date night.

“He did, yes.”

Luckily (or unluckily I guess), Andrew started grilling me about business numbers after that.

“So last week your region was down nineteen percent, but the company was only down six percent. Any guesses why?” he asked me.

I obviously didn’t have an answer so he started calling out all the things he saw wrong in the store. All the things I hadn’t gotten a chance to get to, of course. He didn’t exactly yell at me, but definitely made me feel awful about it. After that we went to the office and Andrew grilled me on more stuff. I kind of feel like he was just trying to show off for Tori. I kept noticing him looking at her for approval. And possibly lust too. I think he has a crush on her.

On Wednesday morning, Andrew wanted the three of us to meet early (7:00 am) to have breakfast then go to the store for a few hours. I got up and got ready and went down to the lobby to meet them. I waited ten minutes then texted Andrew asking if we were still supposed to meet. He replied a few minutes later, “Yeah, I’ll be right down!”

Literally twenty minutes later, he and Tori came strolling in like they didn’t have a care in the world. Seriously? 

“Heya Reese! Ready to grub?” he asked like it wasn’t a big deal.

I put on my fakest smile and nodded. So that began my hellish day of getting tag teamed by Andrew and Tori/watching them flirt like high schoolers. They both kept calling me out on stuff and I can’t even tell you how many times Tori said, “Yeah Reese, that’s definitely something you should’ve noticed.” Maybe I’m just being a hater bitch, but I couldn’t fucking stand her. Probably because Andrew was all over her and she was actually really funny.

Toward the end of the day when Tori was in the bathroom or something, Andrew was like, “Don’t you want to be more like her?”

What kind of question is that? She’s not Beyonce. 

They left around 2:00; they were flying to New York together and my flight was later in the afternoon. Before they left Andrew clapped me on the shoulder and said, “I challenge you to do better from now on. Don’t let Tori come in here and show you up.”

What the fuck? As if he gave me a choice. His head was up her ass the entire visit. 

Needless to say I was ready to go home and see my boyfriend. I called him as soon as I landed and told him I was coming over. It was probably my own fault for going over there in a horrible mood. Brady let me in and I immediately told him that I needed to vent. We sat on the couch and I started spilling all the details about my stupid trip.

I was only to the part where I was describing Tori when I noticed that Brady was looking down at his phone. Seriously?

“Are you kidding me?” I asked.

“Hmm?” Brady barely glanced up at me. 

“What the fuck is on your phone that is so important?” I demanded, standing up.

Brady looked up at me, phone still perched in his hand.

“Seriously, that’s incredibly rude. I’m asking for ten minutes of your time, I don’t think that’s unreasonable.”

He started to apologize, but I cut him off. I started flipping out on him, telling him how inconsiderate he is and he looked at me like I had three heads.

“Stop fucking looking at me like that!”

Brady kept looking at me like I was crazy.

I rolled my eyes and started to grab my bag off the couch. I was going to go to his room and let my anger wear off naturally.

But Brady said, “Reese, I can’t do this.”

I was like, “Do what?”

“I can’t…be what you need right now.” He seemed to be struggling with what to say.

“Uhhh…okay?” I was genuinely confused, but felt my heart sinking. “Because you can’t stay off your phone for five minutes?”

Brady looked down and shook his head. We were both silent.

“Can you say something?” I asked. 

“I can’t do this, I’m sorry,” he said, not looking up.

“You’re so lame,” I said because I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I couldn’t believe he was breaking up with me – because I yelled at him for being on his phone. I was livid. “This doesn’t surprise me at all, Brady. You’re such a fucking pussy.”

He finally looked up at me and he looked like he was going to cry. I didn’t care.

“Well, have a nice life then,” I said sarcastically and turned to leave. He didn’t stop me – not that I thought he would.

I got in my car and drove home and got increasingly more pissed about what happened. Brady is the one who messed up, not me. He should not have been on his phone! I feel like that’s not a lot to ask for.

I couldn’t sleep that night. I kind of thought Brady was going to call me and apologize and admit that he was being ridiculous. Clearly it was just a fight that spiraled out of control, right? But he didn’t. 

On Thursday I worked from home, but obviously got no work done. I was pissed and annoyed with Brady for giving up on us and blaming everything on my “needs.” I drafted a long, mean text message letting him know what a coward he is, but I’m sure he already knows that so I didn’t send it.

After work I called Kendra and told her that I was coming over. She seemed annoyed and told me she already had plans with John.

“Brady dumped me,” I said dryly.

Kendra gasped. “Oh my gosh, what? Why?”

“Because he’s stupid. He thinks he can’t please me which is probably true. He’s so useless,” I said.

“Oh Reese,” Kendra said in a voice that told me I was being ridiculous.

“Honestly it’s fine. I’m over it. Have fun with John.” I hung up and refused to answer her calls or texts for the rest of the night.

Friday was rough. I missed Brady and it was starting to sink in that we were really over. It didn’t help that I had to run an errand near the hospital and for a very brief moment I got excited thinking I could go visit Brady at work. Then I was like oh yeah. I started to feel bad about being mean to him and also selfish because obviously he’s going through something right now. Should I apologize? Not that it’ll help now, but still. 

Friday was also Kendra’s birthday and we had pre-existing plans to go barhopping. I obviously didn’t want to go, but waited until the last minute to tell Kendra that I wasn’t up for it. She was already drunk from dinner and would not take no for an answer.

“Reese, you have to come out! You need to take your mind off everything!”

I literally cried and said I wanted to stay home and sulk. But Kendra talked me into it and it was her birthday so I threw on white jeans, an oversized navy sweater, red lipstick and a pony. 

I wouldn’t let any of the thirsty men at the bars buy me drinks. I’m an independent woman now and can fund my own alcohol addiction. Kendra, Carly, Preston and some of Kendra’s coworkers were there and I didn’t tell anyone else about getting dumped. By the time we got to the third bar, I was pretty much blacked out. I remember telling Kendra that I had to use the bathroom and she insisted on going with me. Probably to make sure I didn’t do anything rash.

I had a meltdown in the bathroom. I was really drunk, but I was also really sad. Plus I think I just wanted to cry (and I love crying in bar bathrooms, obv). Kendra was really sweet and babied me even though it was her birthday. Carly came to the bathroom and found us and seemed super confused as to why I was crying. I heard Kendra whisper, “Brady broke up with her.”

Carly gasped. “Are you serious? When? I just saw him earlier. He didn’t mention anything. He said you were fine!”

“How would he know?” I sobbed. What a liar.

“I’m so sorry, babe. Did he say why?” Carly asked.

I obviously didn’t answer that.

On Saturday morning I woke up in Kendra’s bed with the worst hangover. I hadn’t eaten much but I still felt like I was going to puke everywhere. Kendra would kill me if I vommed in her bed (again, oops) so I locked myself in the bathroom for an hour. Then I went home.

This is probably going to be surprising, but when I go through a heartbreak, I don’t eat my feelings. I work out. I just don’t want to turn into a fat slob – the best form of revenge is a good body right? So I threw on some shorts and a sports bra and killed it at the fitness center in my apartment. I even met a guy who lives in my building who gave me endless compliments so that was nice. Afterwards I went to Whole Foods and spent half my life savings on food that won’t make me fat (and a couple of bottles of wine).

That night Kendra had plans with John and I was not in the mood to socialize anyway so I stayed home and drank wine, pinned some recipes, and checked Brady’s Facebook a thousand times for any signs of life. He doesn’t ever use Facebook so there were no updates. I really wanted to know what he was up to though. Did he miss me? Was he bored? Did he regret everything?!

Later that night, I was laying on the couch reading reviews from the Fifty Shades movie (if you have a moment, do it. So entertaining) when I got a text message from Kendra.

It said, “John proposed.”

Holy shit. Wait, what? How? Didn’t they just get back together? Weren’t they supposed to wait until he was done with his residency or whatever? Most importantly, why didn’t he ask me for permission before proposing? The nerve.

I replied, “Excuse me, you typed that John proposed. It must have been a typo. What?”

I waited an agonizing hour for Kendra to respond. Then she said, “It’s true. I’ll call you in a bit. I’m so surprised!”

So he really did put a ring on it. So I cried. I cried for a few of reasons. 1. My best friend is engaged and I was happy for her. 2. My best friend is engaged and probably going to spend all of her free time planning her wedding/with her fiancé/not getting drunk with me and 3. I wanted to eventually get to text her, “Brady proposed,” but that will never happen.

So yeah. Kendra’s engaged now. I’m a little disappointed in John for not making sure all her family and friends were there to witness it, but Kendra said it was very sweet and romantic. Good for them.

Anyway, I really struggled with writing this. The conversation/fight Brady and I had on Wednesday night seems really, really ridiculous now. I wonder if he has looked back on it and thought the same thing. But we haven’t spoken at all since. Literally the last thing I said to him was, “Have a nice life.” At least it wasn’t “I hate you,” or “I hope you get cancer,” I guess? There’s no way we will never talk again though, right? I still have things at his place. Plus it’s like, we were/are in love. You can’t just turn that off.

I had a rough few days/weekend but I think I’m okay now. Also, I want to thank everyone for being so sweet to me on my last post. I probably shouldn’t have posted that knowing I was upset and volatile and everything. I do want to apologize to the commenter, Jia, for being so rude and nasty to her (even though she won’t be reading anymore). Like I said, I should not have posted that when I did. But thanks for the kind words everyone! Love y’all!!

Hii! This is going to be super short – Brady and I broke up. I’ll talk about it more in a couple of days, but I just wanted to let everyone know. Have a good day y’all!

❤ Reese

My week was pretty uneventful. I went to Dallas on Tuesday and Wednesday and I actually had a lot of fun. Something about Dallas just feels homey and nostalgic to me. I love it.

When I got back to Chicago on Wednesday Kendra texted me and asked if I wanted to meet up. I told her I would so we got sushi. Apparently she wanted to come clean about getting back with John. She said that they’re taking it slow and discussing their options. I nodded and agreed at first even though I did not agree at all. But as she continued talking, I started to realize that I was being a bit ridiculous. She and John were together for six years and he was a pretty stand up boyfriend for all of it. Every single time my college boyfriend and I broke up or he cheated on me, Kendra was right there supporting me. She was usually telling me how stupid he was or how I needed to be done with him because I looked like a fool, but she was always there. I needed to be like that for her. 

I can’t believe I was actually supporting Kendra and John getting back together. And she admitted that it’s been going on since November. So I mean, whatever, but I don’t appreciate her hiding it this long.

I went to Brady’s on Thursday after work. He was sitting there on his laptop looking like he was completely over life which seems to be the norm lately. I tried to get him to talk, but he was short so I left him alone for a while, figuring he could finish his work. Then I went back and decided he needed a break.

“Okay, Mopey,” I said. “Get up. We are going out.”

Brady looked up at me, looking somewhat amused. “Where are we going?”

“I don’t know, but you need to get away from that fucking laptop. It does nothing but piss you off.”

He nodded slowly and sighed like he knew that was true. So we went to one of my fave places where a lot of finance guys go after work. I used to like to go there to get hit on, but they have good drink specials and quesadillas too. After we got settled in I asked him to tell me about work.

“It’s fine,” he started to say, but I cut him off.

“No it isn’t. Tell me what’s going on. You can vent to me,” I said.

So he did, finally. But I still felt like he was kind of annoyed with having to tell me. Maybe I’m just not a good person to talk to. I wish I was. I feel like my friend, Brittany, is. I mean, I don’t really talk to her about anything but apparently she and Brady had a ton to talk about.

We ate and had drinks and actually had fun. I’m glad he didn’t let his stupid job ruin his mood. I would have. #negativenancy

It started to get late and Brady said, “We should take a shot and then get going.”

Patron shots were on special so we got those, paid the bill then left. Even though it was cold out, we didn’t rush to the car. We slowly enjoyed the night and the buildings and people and each other. It was actually pretty sweet. Until I got too cold and ran to the car. Then we went home and warmed each other up.

On Friday I had conference calls plus a one on one call with Andrew. I felt like we had been pretty good the past few weeks, but he was back to being an asshole. He was like, “Reese, you and I are going to do a mock walk through of the Tennessee store next week and I expect it to be perfect. And if something isn’t, you better have a good reason why it isn’t.”

I wanted to argue that I wouldn’t even be in the store before then to make sure it was in good shape, but I was too afraid to. His tone sounded really threatening. I started an email to the Tennessee manager instead.

After work I got dinner and went to Brady’s. He let me in and I followed him to the dining room where a bouquet of red roses were sitting on the table. And a little red Cartier box was sitting in front of it. I automatically thought he was proposing and was disappointed at how not romantic it was.

I looked at Brady and he was just standing there looking really exhausted. Poor guy.

“I got you something,” he said and passed me the box.

“Thanks,” I said, taking it. I actually did get him something but I planned on giving it to him Saturday (Valentine’s Day).

So it wasn’t an engagement ring. Obviously. It was a Cartier Love bracelet – the classic one you have to use the little screwdriver to get on. Kylie Jenner has like a dozen of them. It’s a classic bracelet and I do like it but I never really thought of getting one on my own.

“Wow, thank you. It’s beautiful,” I said genuinely and I leaned over to hug him. He hugged me back and seemed to sigh in relief that I liked it.

He helped me put it on then gave me the rest of my gift: a box of macarons which I didn’t need at all. But obviously I wasn’t complaining and ate them all before the night was over.

We drank wine and had a relaxing evening. On Saturday we hung out around the house and I finally decided to aplogize about my most recent antics.

“I sent that stuff I ordered back,” I said while we were sitting in bed. 

“What stuff?” he asked.

“The stuff I ordered with your credit card. You know, the bag…”

“Oh yeah!”

“Yeah. So I feel really bad. I shouldn’t have ordered all that stuff. I’m glad you’re not mad. Are you?”

“Mmhm,” Brady murmured. That’s when I realized that he was looking at his phone and not paying attention to me.

“Are you even listening to me?” I asked through clenched teeth. I felt a tantrum coming on.

“Of course I am,” he said, putting his phone down. He put his arms around my waist, but didn’t answer whether or not he was mad. So obviously he wasn’t listening.

I was silent for a moment before saying, “So you aren’t mad?”

“It isn’t that big of a deal. You didn’t have to send anything back,” Brady said.

I wanted to strangle him. Why doesn’t he ever want to talk about anything when I bring it up? How am I supposed to talk about anything when he just brushes everything off and says it wasn’t a big deal? I wasn’t even about to bring up the phone because I was so frustrated.

We went to dinner with Chris, Carly, Kendra and John for Valentine’s Day. I was annoyed, but we had a good time still. We got chocolate covered strawberries and I had to watch Kendra and John feed them to each other. It was actually pretty disgusting, but good for them.

After dinner I gave Brady his gift: a massage at a spa. I included a card that said, “I know between me and the hospital you’re really stressed. I hope this helps! <3" It wasn't nearly as nice as the gift he got me but I didn't know we were doing extravagant gifts. Plus Valentine's Day is supposed to be all about the girl, right? No? Okay.

Anyway, thanks for all the comments on my last post. I appreciate all of them! As most of you know I started this blog to learn more about myself and this is teaching me so much more than I ever imagined. Like one commenter said, this blog is all of my unfiltered and honest thoughts. That's the only way I think I can expect honest comments from you guys. I definitely take all of the advice into consideration, but I can't change who I am or how I act. That just isn't going to happen. But I'm honestly trying to become a better version of myself and become more aware of how I treat people. I think I'm getting there. So thanks.

So Brady stayed mad at me most of Friday. I had conference calls all day then met Preston for dinner. Preston always makes me feel better about my life. I told him what was going on and he rolled his eyes and said, “Why does Brady pretend like he didn’t know you were a crazy bitch from the beginning?”

He has a point.

During dinner Preston said, “Can you believe Kendra and John are back together? Did you think she would take him back?”

I almost spit out my drink. “Wait, how do you know?”

I had no idea that Kendra and John were officially back together. She hadn’t mentioned anything to me.

Preston gasped dramatically. “She didn’t tell you?!”

I shook my head.

“Well forget I said anything,” he said, but I was already texting Kendra something along the lines of, “Thanks for the relationship status update!”

When I got home I wasted time until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I texted Brady, “Hey, miss you!”

He replied an hour later, “You too.”

Ugh. After taking a moment to calm myself down, I called him. He didn’t answer. I was drafting a hateful message about how he is lucky to have me when he said, “I’ll call you in a bit. I’m wrapping up things at work.”

Still? It was almost 11:00 PM. I’m not exactly sure what Brady does at work, but that seems really late. Especially since he had gone in so early.

When he called, I immediately invited him over. He agreed so I had to speed clean/throw everything in my closet.

I threw my arms around Brady when I let him in. I completely forgot that he was supposed to be mad at me and I think he did too.

“How was work?” I asked as we sat down on my couch.

“Fine. Busy,” Brady yawned. He even looked exhausted. I felt bad for never letting him vent about work to me.

“Really? What were you doing?” I asked.

Brady gave me an almost annoyed look. “Working.”

I was taken aback and got up before I said something bitchy/cried. I went to the kitchen and made a bag of popcorn and when I came back, Brady was sleeping – sitting straight up with his shoes still on. He looked so cute that I didn’t even want to wake him up. I did eventually and made him get in bed with me.

On Saturday morning I allowed Brady to sleep in because he was obviously exhausted. I planned on making breakfast but I ended up watching Sex and the City so we went to brunch instead. We were talking about everything except the bags and the phone thing so I didn’t want to bring it up. Why ruin a nice meal?

After brunch when we were walking to the car, Brady suddenly stopped walking and kissed me in the middle of the sidewalk. I absolutely hate PDA unless I’m drunk, but I actually didn’t mind it.

On Saturday night Carly got invited to some nightclub so we got dressed up and went. I really didn’t want to, but everyone was going and I didn’t want to miss out. Plus everyone told me I should take a break from drinking so I needed one last hoorah.

I felt like being the hottest chick at the club so I wore a tiny dress, a blazer and pumps. Brady, Carly, Chris and I met Preston, his date and one of Preston’s friends there and we started drinking immediately. I told myself I would pace myself and not get too crazy so I got a beer. I like beer, but I hate how it makes me bloated so I switched to liquor. Turn up.

So we were all just hanging out in between the bathrooms and the bar and while Brady was talking, I guess he kind of bumped into a girl who was walking past. She dramatically grabbed her chest and shouted, “Ouch!”

Brady started apologizing and the girl was being super loud and telling him he needed to watch what he was doing, etc. Like you’re in a crowded club, you psycho. Of course you’re going to get bumped into.

Brady was standing in between me and the girl so I peeked around him so I could see her.

“Do we have a problem?” I asked really sweetly and literally everyone was like, “No Reese, everything is fine, calm down, it’s not a big deal, Reese breathe, chill out, etc etc…”

Lol what? I didn’t even do anything. I guess everyone is just used to me causing a scene.

Later on, Brady and I were hiding out in a corner being THAT couple. His hands were all over me and he was kissing my neck and I didn’t even care.

“Hey!” I said abruptly. “Are you pissed at me?”

He barely took his lips off me to say, “No, should I be?”

“Well because I bought stuff!” I yelled over the music.

“Oh. It’s cool.”

So yeah. Guess I can keep the bags?

When we got back to Brady and Chris’s, it was really late and I planned on eating then going to bed. But they all wanted to keep drinking. I was like hell no. So after I finished my chips and applesauce, I went to Brady’s room and got in bed.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember is Brady loudly joining me in bed.

“Are you okay?” I asked. 

“Mmmmhm,” Brady said climbing on top of me. “I love you.”

And then he started rambling and I could tell he was super, super drunk. I kind of felt bad for him. Brady usually holds his alcohol pretty well, but clearly he’d had too much. I made him lay his head on my boobs while I rubbed his back and he passed out like that. Two hours later my entire body felt numb so I had to push him off.

On Sunday morning I expected Brady to be hungover but he woke up early for a run. Why can’t I recover like that? I didn’t drink as much but still couldn’t get out of bed.

Brady spent the day working at home which was annoying, but I took y’all’s advice and made him dinner, rubbed his shoulders and even made him take a break so we could hook up. Who says I’m not wife material?

On Monday, I went into the store to do my paperwork. Andrew sent me a ton of emails with things I needed to do and he needed reports on so I worked on that. In the middle of the day I got a phone call from one of the managers who said a family emergency came up and she needed to leave work as soon as possible. None of the assistants were answering their phones, but she said she was leaving no matter what. On top of that, the Chicago manager, Leah, came back to me frantic because she’d just accidentally accepted a stolen credit card for a $2,600 sale and didn’t know what to do.

I decided to tackle the first problem first and called Andrew to see what the proper procedure was. I couldn’t just let the girl leave the store unattended. Andrew didn’t answer so I sent him a text asking him what I should do. I figured I might get a quicker response that way.

I did. Andrew replied, “Figure it out. I’m in a meeting.”

Uh, okay.

And almost immediately he sent another text. “Can you hurry and finish your reports? I needed them an hour ago.”

Leah came to the office to ask a question that I didn’t know the answer to and I told her that I would find out. Then I went to the bathroom and cried. I can’t believe I cried at work again. I just felt like I had no control of what was going on. After about two minutes, I pulled myself together and went back to work. Sometimes you just need a good cry.

After work I was so done with the day. I just wanted to see my boyfriend. I went over there when he got off prepared to tell him how horrible my day and boss were, but he was obviously just as stressed as I was. He was working on his laptop and told me that he would be done in a minute. He didn’t look pleased at all.

When he was done, Brady came in his room and got undressed without a word. I pried and pried asking if everything was okay and finally Brady said, “I don’t know. I just feel like I don’t want to be a pharmacist anymore.”

That was not what I was expecting him to say at all. I thought he said he enjoyed his job and thought it was rewarding and all that?

“Really?” I said surprised. “What else would you want to do?”

“Nothing. I don’t know. It’s fine.”

I felt awful because it obviously wasn’t fine and I felt like there was nothing I could do for him. What is a person supposed to do when they don’t want to do the only thing they know how to do anymore? At least we have that vacation next month to look forward to. We obviously both need it. 

Anyway, Valentine’s Day is this weekend and I think I should do something cute. We don’t have plans or anything yet (so he probably isn’t proposing lol) but what can a non-romantic girl like me do?

I kind of forgot about all the stuff I ordered until Wednesday morning when Brady texted me, “How much did you spend on Sunday?”

I had just gotten to work so I stalled by putting my stuff down and talking to everyone. Then I replied, “I can’t remember but I got you something!”

He said, “I don’t want anything.”

“But you’ll love it!”

“Ok.”

I could tell he wasn’t happy with me so I said, “Love you! Can’t wait to see you later!”

He didn’t reply until lunch time so I distracted myself with work all morning. Because of the weather I didn’t have to travel on Tuesday and Wednesday and instead communicated with the managers via phone and email. Andrew told me that I should check in with each store at least once a day to go over business. So he wants me to nag them like he nags me.

At around 1:00, Brady finally texted me back, “You too.”

Shit. He was pissed. I knew I needed to apologize so I immediately called him. I figured he was probably taking a break for lunch too.

He sent me to voicemail and texted me, “Sorry, I’m busy.”

RUDE. Have you ever had someone reject you and you actually felt your heart break? That was me. I decided not to bother him for the rest of the day and met Kendra and Preston for happy hour.

Preston wanted us to know that he was officially done with Mr. Murphy and on the prowl. Kendra said that a new gay started at her office and she thought he and Preston should meet. Preston immediately wanted to know his Facebook/Instagram/LinkedIn which Kendra didn’t know. She isn’t a very good matchmaker.

In the middle of happy hour, Brady finally called me back and I jumped up from the table and ran to the bathroom to answer it. Thirsty.

“Hey,” I answered coolly.

“Hey, sorry. I’m just now leaving work,” Brady said.

“Oh, it’s fine,” I said and we began some almost awkward small talk for a few minutes.

Then he said, “I’m almost home, do you want to come over?”

Whew. At least he still wanted to hang out with me. I went and wrapped up happy hour then headed over. When I got there Brady was doing something I’ve never seen him do. Smoking alone. And on a weeknight which I don’t think I’ve seen him do either. I knew it was probs my fault.

He offered me the pipe thingy and I took it. An hour later Brady was sitting on the couch with his hands behind his head and I was straddling him topless with my tits dangling in his face. He looked so fucking cute.

I climbed off a little so I could pull Brady’s penis out then I pushed my thong to the side and hopped on. I don’t know if it was the friction from my panties or the weed or how hot Brady looked or the fact that he was actually whispering dirty things to me, but I came almost immediately. That never happens to me from just intercourse.

I quickly dropped to my knees in between Brady’s thighs and started sucking. I could at least finish him off nicely. This lasted a few minutes until he was about to come then he yanked me up and put me back on his penis. Oh. He grabbed my hips and bounced me up and down until he came.

So I’m not going to lie, Brady and I never use condoms anymore which I know is bad. Usually he pulls out, but sometimes he doesn’t. He’s never deliberately came inside me like that though.

On Thursday I worked from home so by 6:30 I was going stir crazy and ready to get out of the house. I texted Brady that we should get dinner and drinks when he got off and he said he would pick me up around 8:00. I don’t know why, but I was already ready to drink so I made myself a glass of tequila and Sprite. I put on a pair of jeans, a sweater, booties and some jewelry then pulled my hair into a side braid.

I hadn’t really eaten much during the day so by the time Brady came to get me I was tipsy. I tried to hide it though because I didn’t want him to judge me for a. drinking alone, b. getting drunk alone and c. being a hot mess.

“Hey you,” I said, climbing in the passenger seat.

I was trying so hard not to let on that I was tipsy that the car ride to the Mexican place was kind of awkward lol. As soon as we sat down I started shoveling chips and salsa in my mouth because I was starving. Then we ordered pineapple margaritas and when they came out they were fucking huge.

Brady ordered food, but all I needed was my margarita. By the time I finished it, I was druuuuunk. The waitress came back to check on us and I ordered one more for me and one for Brady even though he wasn’t even halfway done with his first one.

I started rambling on and on about work and Brady kept looking around and telling me to shh. Apparently I was being loud. There weren’t really a lot of people in the small restaurant so I really didn’t think it was a big deal.

I announced that I had to use the bathroom and after getting lost (the restaurant was dark) I went in and pottied then called my mom and Kendra. Then I took some selfies because the Spanish tiles and Mexican decor was so pretty.

I must have been gone for a while because when I got back to the table, Brady asked, “Where have you been?”

“Whatttt?” I said defensively.

He just kind of shook his head and didn’t reply.

Not long after that our waitress came over to tell us the bar was closing and did we want anything else? Someone had turned the music down and the lights came on and it felt like when you stay at the club until it closes.

I said something like, “I guess I’ll take the hint when I’m not wanted.”

And Brady was like, “Reese!”

Was that rude? The waitress didn’t even hear me. We got outside and I suddenly decided that I wanted to take a nice stroll around the neighborhood. I grabbed Brady’s hand and told him we should take a romantic walk.

“Reese, no,” he said calmly.

I pouted. “Why are you being mean?”

“I’m not. It’s just really cold.” Brady was rubbing his gloved hands together and was visibly uncomfortable, but I felt fine.

“Oh my gosh, you’re such a babyyyyy,” Drunk Reese said and continued walking. He would have to follow, right?

I was halfway down the block when I felt Brady grab my arm, hard.

“Reese, it’s too fucking cold for this. Let’s go,” he said sternly.

I actually liked the way he was standing up to me so I happily followed him to the car. On the way home he said, “We can take a walk in the spring, okay?” Which was sweet.

We immediately got undressed and in bed and fooled around for a little bit before Brady fell asleep. I couldn’t sleep so I sat up reading work emails. Drunk Reese spotted Brady’s phone sitting on the nightstand and got a really good dumb idea. I crawled over his body to get the phone and as stealthily as I could, I put his thumb on the touch ID thing.

Well, apparently it wasn’t stealthy enough because Brady pulled his hand away and opened his eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he demanded.

I really didn’t have an answer to that because I don’t really know what I was doing. So I just giggled.

Brady seemed to realize what I was trying to do and snatched the phone from my hand and got out of bed.

“What are you doing?” I asked nervously. He seemed really, really pissed. 

“I’ll see you in the morning,” he mumbled, grabbed a pillow and stormed out.

So that worked out well. I don’t even know why I did that. I think I just saw an opportunity and took it. I haven’t had the urge to go through his phone or anything since our heart to heart which I was proud of. This just diminished all that.

At the time I was just like whatever and fell asleep. But when I woke up I felt awful especially when I realized that Brady was already at work and didn’t even say goodbye to me.

So, time for some damage control I guess.

Since Sunday was the Super Bowl, Brady and Chris (and me #thirdroommate) were going to have people over. There was a fucking blizzard out so everyone pretty much cancelled except Kendra because she doesn’t live that far from Brady. And she said she was dying to get out of her apartment. So I made a pizza and some baked buffalo wings I saw on Pinterest. They actually turned out really, really good. We also had wine and Brady made drinks so by the time Kendra got there I was drunk.