that bj must have changed his life.

I didn’t hear from Eric until Sunday afternoon which was fine because work was insane. On Saturday morning, Kendra and I went to a friends and family sale at Preston’s boutique, spent a ton of money and regretted nothing. Afterwards, we got lunch then Kendra abandoned me because John made plans.

I went home and took a bubble bath, watched Frozen (overrated), then went out for drinks with Carly. I met this hot guy from Boston (that accent – my loins) and spent the majority of the night talking to him. He worked as a project manager and was in Chicago on business. He was hilarious. Carly was busy making out with his friend/coworker in the corner of the bar which I didn’t really approve of, but who am I to judge? Afterwards the four of us went to a pizza place and sat around talking for an hour. Boston tried to get me to go back to his hotel with him but I politely declined. We did exchange numbers in case he is ever back in Chicago. And honestly it was nice to have a distraction so I didn’t tipsy-text Eric and have a repeat of Wednesday night.

I was doing squats with whitening strips in on Sunday when Eric called. He said he was ordering Thai for dinner and wanted me to join him. I said yes, but needed two hours to get ready. I showered, packed an overnight bag and put on something comfortable (high waist leather shorts, loose tank, Bombshell bra).

“Hey there, pretty lady,” Eric said when I got in the passenger seat. Then he grabbed me and kissed me and it was really affectionate so either he really missed me or that blow job changed his life.

He stopped and picked up our food then we sat at his new chrome bistro table and ate our noodles and vegetables.

After we ate, I retreated to the couch while Eric cleared our mess, and he joined me when he finished. We spent twenty minutes trying to find something to watch on Netflix and finally settled on Side Effects.

“Did you have a good week, Reese?” he asked as the movie started rolling.

“I did,” I replied. “It was busy, but I didn’t mind. Big things are happening in my company and it’s amazing to be a part of it.”

“That’s awesome. I’m sure it’s all because of you,” he said.

I giggled modestly even though he was absolutely right. “It is all of us. We have a great team.”

“And you’re still down to earth,” Eric smiled.

“Thank you. How was your week?”

“Fine. Busy. I’m happy we’re getting to hang out now.”

At some point, he’d grabbed my feet into his lap and was massaging them and it felt amazing. I don’t know why Eric was being so sweet to me, but I obviously wasn’t complaining.

We talked about his condo decor and him possibly adopting a dog and then finally he pulled into his lap and kissed me. He pulled off my tank top then my bra and squeezed my boobs in his hands. Eric is like the sweetest giant I know, but he’s so rough sexually. I love it. He doesn’t actually hurt me like Christian Grey (eye roll), but it’s just enough to keep me on my toes.

His shirt came off and then my shorts. I could feel his hard penis between my legs and I really just wanted to fuck his brains out. He wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me so he could pull his shorts down and then brought me back down right onto his dick. Bliss.

I bounced up and down while he alternated between kissing my lips, kissing my boobs, and groaning my name. Then I spun so that my feet were on the ground and my back was to Eric. Basically I was riding him while sitting on his lap. Girls, if you haven’t tried this yet do so immediately. It’s a game changer. He pulled my hair off my neck and kissed me until I came. I was exhausted.

Eric, however, apparently wasn’t and bent me over the side of the sectional and fucked me from behind until we both came. Then we both collapsed and fell asleep on the sectional.

drunk reese comes out to play.

Between the launch of the Nantucket Cottage line, the warehouse sale, and the deal with the Indonesian artist, I was swamped on Monday and Tuesday. I didn’t get out of the office until almost midnight both days and obviously passed out as soon as I got home.

On Wednesday, I gave my ad team a long list of tasks to keep them busy and snuck out by 5:30 to meet Kendra for drinks. We went to a place in between both of our jobs and got a pitcher of sangria. It was gone before I even finished recapping my day so we ordered another. And another. After a while, I needed a bathroom break but it was one of those singular bathroom situations so Kendra told me she would meet me outside. Which was honestly kind of offensive because we always go into the bathroom together. But whatever.

Is it just me or do you never realize how drunk you are until you’re alone in a bathroom? I was sitting on the toilet handling my business, giggling like a fucking weirdo. While I was washing my hands I realized that I wanted to see Eric. I hadn’t heard from him all day even though he usually texts me in the morning. I pulled out my phone and called him, but he didn’t answer. Determined, I tried again and he picked up. That’s more like it.

“Hello?” The background sounded loud, like he was in a bar or something.

“Hey E!” I shouted. I had never called him “E” nor had he given me permission to.

“Hi Reese. How are you?” he replied.

“I’m good. I miss you. Wanna hang out?”

“I’m a little bit busy right now. Can we tomorrow?”

Drunk Reese does not like rejection.

“Why? What are you doing?”

“I’m at a bar watching the game with my friends,” he said.

“So your friends are more important than me?”

It sounded like he stepped outside or into the bathroom because the background noise went away.

“I didn’t say that,” Eric said.

“I’ve been busy all week. Don’t you even want to see me?” I cried.

“I do want to see you, Reese, but I’m busy right now.”

“If you really want to see me, come and get me.”

“I can’t right now.”

“So you don’t want to see me. Wow, Eric, I hope your friends are really worth it!”

He let out a deep sigh. “Are you serious right now, Reese?”

“Dead!” I exclaimed.

He paused for a moment before saying, “Where are you?”

I told him and he said he would be there in fifteen minutes. I emerged from the bathroom and Kendra said, “What took so long?”

“I’m leaving,” I announced.

“Um okay. Where are you going?” she asked.

“Eric is coming to get me,” I said, happily.

We still had a quarter pitcher of sangria left so I insisted we finish it before leaving. When we got outside, sure enough Eric was waiting at the curb in his Bentley.

“Do you want a ride home?” I asked Kendra, who had taken the subway to the restaurant.

She said sure so we climbed in.

“Hiiiiii,” I sang. “You remember Kendra, don’t you? She just lives a few minutes away.”

Eric turned to Kendra in the backseat and said hello. I talked nonstop the entire way to Kendra’s while they listened and didn’t say anything. She thanked him for the ride and gave him what looked like a “good luck” look.

“Did you want to come over?” Eric asked as we left Kendra’s apartment. He sounded exasperated.

“Duh!” I said. I insisted he stop at a 7-11 so I could use the restroom again and get some Twizzlers (I don’t even like Twizzlers).

When we got to his condo, I immediately stripped off my dress and wedges and sat on his sectional eating my Twizzlers. Eric turned on the game and sat next to me, but didn’t say anything. I totally planned on going to his place and having wild, raunchy sex, but Drunk Reese passed out.

This morning, I woke up next to Eric in his bed. I felt awful about the stunt I pulled, but I’m not good at apologizing so I just gave him the best blow job of his life instead. He dropped me off at home so I could get ready for work and told me he would be busy but in touch. It irritated me a bit that he was claiming busy when I was actually the one who would be busy. But whatever.

sleep. fuck. eat. repeat.

On Saturday morning I woke up at Eric’s and we had sex, took a shower, had sex again, watched the end of The Dark Knight, ate half a bag of pretzels, and tried to have sex again. He invited me to grab food, but I realized all I had for clothing was my leather dress i.e. not daytime appropriate so he took me home. We made plans to do dinner on Sunday evening, but he canceled because his parents were in town. Cute.

I ended up going to Kendra’s for dinner because she made chicken carbonara. John was already there and then Preston and Carly joined us. We all sat around Kendra’s little drop leaf table with all of the food and drinks in the middle. It’s so cute how Kendra is working on being domestic. She’s going to be a great wife.

“What did you do last night, Pres? Your snaps were weird,” I asked. Preston had sent me a series of random SnapChats on Saturday night while I was deep conditioning my hair. Some were of his shirtless body, the floor, and random objects in a house. I texted him to see if everything was okay and he said he had no idea where he was. Obviously he was inebriated.

“Oh girl,” Preston said, dramatically. He took a sip of his water for effect. “Do you guys remember Shawn, from Grindr? The one with the foot long dick?”

“How could we forget?” I said.

Preston had exchanged pictures with a hot black guy from the app and he was so appalled by the sheer massiveness of the guy’s penis that he showed all of us. It was terrifying.

“Well, we hung out last night and he got me really drunk off Fireball. We ended up at this party in the suburbs and we went to one of the rooms in the house to have sex,” Preston continued.

“Oh Preston,” Kendra sighed, even though he hadn’t gotten to the climax (pun?) of the story.

“You guys know that I bottom when I’m drunk, right? Do you know where this story is going?”

“Oh no,” Carly said, ominously.

“His penis was so big that I ended up bleeding all over the bed! All over the people’s white sheets! I was mortified!”

I screamed.

“OH MY GOD, I WOULD HAVE DIED!” Carly exclaimed.

“I wanted to. Like, I’ve never bled before. I felt bad for bleeding on those people’s sheets.”

“What did Shawn say?” Kendra asked.

“He said it’s happened to him before. I mean, obviously. His dick is the size of a summer sausage.”

We all giggled, except John who was engrossed in his plate of pasta. I can’t believe he still lets Kendra hang out with us.

The topic switched to me and Eric and I told everyone about our fun night/morning and they seemed impressed.

“So far so good. At least you didn’t threaten to kill him after sex which is a start,” Kendra said.

That only happened once. It was right after I wrecked my Mercedes and I was in a dark place.

John finally excused himself and went home after that and then Carly told us about a guy she’s been hanging out with. If anyone has worse luck with guys than me, it’s Carly. Within the last six months she’s dated a man who was married with a pregnant wife, a felon (extortion), and a homeless guy. She’s such a sweet girl too. She’s a cute little blonde former sorority girl who works as a nanny slash personal assistant for a wealthy family in the suburbs. She parties like Tara Reid in the 2000s, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t a good person.

After dinner, Eric texted me and invited me to spend the night so I went home and packed a little overnight bag. We watched reruns of Chopped, fucked, and snuggled until we passed out.

pillows.

The show started at 7 so I planned on being out of the office by 4:30 to have enough time to get ready. Our weekly staff meeting started at 3 and wrapped up at 4:34 which is super annoying because they usually last no more than an hour. I shoved everything into my bag and tried to escape quickly, but Whitney had other plans. She followed me out of the conference room and cornered me in the hallway.

“Reese, hi,” she said sweetly.

Whitney was that girl in high school who was pretty and nice, but fucking annoying because she was an overachiever and sucked the teacher’s butt. And she knows everything about everything and always has to be right – even when she’s not. We both started out doing social media and had a silent competition when the director position came open. I obviously won and she’s not too happy about it.

“Hi Whitney,” I said, looking at my Marc Jacobs watch. 4:37.

“Hey. I just wanted to touch base with you quickly because the warehouse sale is in just three weeks and there’s no advertisements about it. I’ve been talking about it a ton on Facebook and Twitter, of course, but we have to do more than that. Have you reached out to the radio stations and magazines?”

The bitch is so condescending. I’m effing great at my job and I certainly don’t need any help from her on it. And technically, it’s not even my job. We have an entire advertising team who is responsible for that kind of thing.

“Thanks Whitney, but I have it under control,” I said quickly.

“Okay,” she nodded. “Diana and I are just a little concerned that we haven’t seen anything. This is our first warehouse sale so we really need it to go well.”

“No need to worry. The sale is going to be a hit.” I started to walk around her, but she blocked my path and flagged down Diana, who was walking out of the conference room.

“Diana! I’m so glad we ran into you. I was just relaying our concerns to Reese.”

I rolled my eyes as Diana joined us.

“I’m sure you and the ad team have a plan, but I wanted to make sure the timeline is right. We’re only three weeks out.”

If you aren’t on Diana’s good side, she will be your worst nightmare. She’s a middle aged ice queen with perfect white blonde hair and a killer wardrobe. She joined the company after spending a decade with a luxury interiors company in New York City. She has high standards and has no problem calling people out on their shit. Not me though. She loves me.

“We have everything ready to go out on Monday,” I assured her. “We are all so excited for this. It’s going to be a big success!”

Diana clapped her hands together. “I knew you had this taken care of. That’s my girl.”

I gave Whitney a sweet smile and looked down at my watch. 4:42.

I started to tell them I needed to get going, but Whitney proceeded to share all of her advertising ideas and rattle off every major outlet we should promote through. As if we hadn’t thought of all this already. But I still want Diana to believe I’m a perfect little peach so I stayed there and listened politely while occasionally checking my watch.

At 5:03, Diana announced that she needed to get home to her kid and I took that opportunity to sneak out with her. I finally got back to my apartment at 5:30. I don’t know about you but an hour and a half is just not enough time to get ready for a date. So I quickly showered and slipped into a tiny little vegan leather dress (per Eric’s request), Stuart Weitzman booties, and a black lace Cosabella thong just in case. I ran a curling wand through my hair and put on the basic makeup essentials: foundation, concealer, setting powder, bronzer, eight coats of mascara, winged eyeliner and YSL’s Exiqusite Plum lipstick.

Eric met me down in my lobby and pulled me into an embrace.

“Reese, you look sexy,” he greeted me with a bear hug. His lips brushed across my neck and it instantly made my heart rate quicken – that sexting sesh definitely changed our dynamic. At first we were just two people politely dating, not quite sure what the boundaries were. Now it was palpable sexual tension.

The comedy show was fun I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing which I’m not. Eric seemed to enjoy it and would look over and make sure that I was laughing at all the key points. So then I would pretend to laugh all daintily so I wouldn’t ruin my lipstick. Life is so complicated.

Afterwards we walked down the block to the bar. He ordered us Coronas and we settled into a spot in a corner of the bar.

“So what’s new with you? I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks,” I said. In actuality it had only been five days, but who’s really counting?

Eric took a swig of his beer. “Just going to rehab for my leg. I’m almost back to health. And trying to get the place finished. I picked out a backsplash yesterday.”

“I hope you chose the mother of pearl tile,” I said.

“Of course I did,” Eric smiled. “You picked those out and you have great taste.”

Obviously.

“What’s new with you?”

“I just secured an awesome deal with a batik artist out of Indonesia. It’s supposed to be secret, but I’m just so excited!” I practically squealed.

The only people who knew about the deal were Diana and our president, Dave. The contract hasn’t been drawn up or signed yet so they want to keep it under wraps until then. It’s so exciting though!

“Awesome job! You’re such a hardworker, Reese.” Eric put his arm around my shoulders.

“Thank you! I get my work ethic from my dad. He started out as an intern for a Fortune 500 company and now he’s one of the financial operators. He’s so dedicated. You should meet him,” I babbled.

Eric nodded and quickly put the Corona bottle to his lips.

“Anyway, we’re going to collaborate on a line of bohemian inspired pillows, rugs and curtains. My boss said if it does well, we’re going to carry the line permanently. And I’ll get an amazing bonus, which means I could finally get the Givenchy Antigona bag I’ve been wanting. I know that like, everyone has it now, but I still have to have it…”

Eric was looking at me with his eyes glazed over and his mouth curled into an amused smirk.

“Come here,” he said, pulling my barstool close to him. And then he grabbed my neck and kissed me – nibbling my lip and probably getting a mouthful of lipstick. His scruffy face was rubbing against my cheek and it tickled. I began giggling.

He pulled away and studied my face. “What?”

“Your beard tickles,” I said, running a hand across his pricky face.

Eric gave me a relieved looking smile. “You are so cute. Do you want another drink?”

I got a mojito then a vodka Sprite and then I convinced Eric to take a tequila shot with me.

At this point I was bouncing up and down in my barstool, dancing to that annoying ass “Happy” song.

“Hey,” Eric said. He put his hands on my shoulders to steady me. I continued swaying on my seat. “Do you want to come help me pick out pillows?”

I knew what that was code for so I nodded. He paid the bar tab and we made the short walk to his condo. In the elevator, Eric grabbed my ass and pulled me close to him, planting kisses on my neck. That’s my spot so I let him go on for a moment and then I pulled away.

“What kind of pillows do you have in mind?”

He shrugged and pulled me close, kissing me on the lips. Probably so I would shut up.

Eric didn’t bother turning on any lights and immediately led me to his bedroom. It was dark but from the light coming in from the floor to ceiling windows I could see a kind sized bed and a mound of pillows.

“Looks like you have enough pillows already,” I said, turning back to Eric. He was unbuttoning his shirt and I watched his massive fingers meticulously handle each button with lust in my eyes.

Then he pulled his shirt off and before I could take in his shirtless body, he pushed me back on the bed and kissed me. Without taking his lips off me, he pulled off my booties, ran a hand up my inner thigh and started rubbing me just like he said he would. His lips trailed down to my neck – my spot – and his finger was moving in vigorous little circles. I was panting like a puppy and I felt my legs starting to quiver.

Suddenly he stopped and climbed off me, but only to rip his jeans down to his knees. He quickly pulled my dress over my head, leaned back down and whispered, “Is this what you wanted, Reese?”

I nodded.

And then without taking off my thong, he rammed into me so hard and quickly that I gasped. He grabbed a fist full of my hair and kept pushing and pushing until the bed started banging against the wall. His poor neighbors.

He buried his face in my hair and kept moaning my name over and over which has never happened to me before but it was really hot. The combination of him moaning my name and his perfect penis made me orgasm hard. He let out one last low groan and collapsed on top of me.

Eric doesn’t strike me as much of a post sex cuddler, but he pulled me close and spooned the shit out of me. We laid there in silence for a moment and then he said, “Maybe dark blue or green.”

I was in a groggy, coitus induced hangover, so I was like, “Huh?”

And he said, “Pillows.”

why are you single?

I didn’t hear from Eric all day on Saturday and Preston came over that evening with a bottle of red and we split it. He told me all about his Grindr conquests of the week – which were equally as raunchy and wonderful as usual. Preston meets up with guys from Grindr and they have the wildest sexcapades you couldn’t even dream up. I’m either seriously repulsed by this or jealous – I haven’t decided yet.

“So I was in the bathroom at the gay bar having sex with the guy from Grindr while my date was waiting with our drinks. Half an hour later, I found my date and we went back to his apartment and had sex,” he told me.

“Preston, no,” I said. That didn’t even sound sanitary.

“Yes! And then the next day, I talked to this sexy Hispanic guy on Grindr and he wants me to have a threesome with him and his boyfriend. We’re doing it tomorrow.”

See what I mean? I don’t even bat a Dior Show coated eyelash at stories like this anymore.

We passed out on my linen tufted sofa and I woke up with a text from Eric.

“Good morning, Reese. Do you want to grab dinner tonight?”

Is water wet? Is Lindsay Lohan back on meth? Of course I did.

I responded, “I would love to.”

He said he was going to the game during the day but would pick me up around 6 PM. Preston and I met Kendra and Carly for brunch then I dragged Kendra to Bloomys to help me pick out an outfit. Three hours and a $600 credit card charge later, I went home with a striped Marc by Marc Jacobs dress and a Rebecca Minkoff bangle plus a Mara Hoffman bikini to wear to the pool this summer.

We went to a sushi place and Eric ordered pretty much the entire left side of the menu for us plus lychee sake which I was obviously okay with. We ate and drank and by 8:00, I was over on his side of the booth – tipsy. Sake really hits me hard.

“Soooo Eric,” I said, touching his massive bicep lightly. “You’re hot, rich, and super sweet. Why are you single?”

I never claimed to be subtle.

He smiled sheepishly. “I don’t know. I guess I’m still seeing what’s out there.”

It was totally a playboy kind of answer but whatever.

“Why are you single, Reese?”

Even in my drunken state I knew that Eric didn’t need to know the ins and outs of my fucked up dating life, but I was going to tell him anyway.

“That’s a good question. I’ve either been cheated on, lied to, blown off, or left to die. I’ve had really bad luck with guys,” I said.

“Left to die?” Eric’s eyebrows shot up.

“Yes! Turns out it was just strep throat, but I really thought it was the end for me.”

He pulled me close – so close that I was almost on his lap – and planted a kiss on my cheek. “You are so adorable.”

Eric paid for dinner and took me home where we made out in his car for fifteen minutes. Just when I was about to invite him up, he pulled away and said, “All right, Reese. Have a good night,” and basically kicked me out of his car. Which honestly is probably good because I got inside and passed out.

When I told Kendra about our second date she said, “This is how it always starts. Everything is fine and perfect and then after you have sex with him everything goes down hill.”

“Thanks a lot. So what do you think I should do? Refrain from having sex with him from a while?” I asked.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’m sure he’s only giving you this much attention because he knows you want to fuck him,” she said.

Which isn’t true. If Eric just wanted to sleep me with then he would’ve. There have been plenty of opportunities. I think he might just be a really sweet guy.

I haven’t talked to him since our date which is okay because I’m sure he’s super busy like I am.

innocent sex kitten.

Honestly, I did not expect to hear from Eric so soon but on Thursday as I was leaving the office for the day his name popped up on my screen.

“Reese,” he said warmly when I answered. Gawd, the way he said my name made my vaginal region pulsate.

“Hi!” I said, genuinely surprised. “How are you?”

He ignored my question. “I want to see you. Are you free tomorrow night?”

What’s that rule about not being available the first time a guy asks you out? I don’t know and don’t care.

“I am.”

“Good. Let’s get dinner. I’ll pick you up at 7:30.”

I love a man who takes charge.

This called for an emergency styling session so I texted Kendra and Preston to meet me at my apartment as soon as possible. Of course they were already waiting in my lobby when I got home and Kendra didn’t even try to hide her irritation.

“So glad you decided to make an appearance,” she said, rolling her eyes. She had also just gotten off work and was wearing a stuffy navy suit and nude kitten heels. Kendra just got a job as an assistant at one of the biggest law firm in the city – which is why she was dressed like Hillary Clinton. Her outfit was disgusting but she still looked completely gorgeous as usual. Kendra is one of those Rashida Jones type biracial girls – tan skin, light eyes and freckles. She’s stunning. And she’s about 5’9″ with legs that go on forever so she looks good in anything she puts on. Bitch.

We headed up to my apartment where Kendra grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and took a seat on the couch. Preston was already in my walk-in pulling out options.

“I want to say ‘I may look like a wholesome sweet girl, but I’m a freak in the sheets,'” I explained.

“I know the perfect outfit,” Preston called from the closet.

“Please tell me you’re not going to sleep with him tomorrow,” Kendra said, taking a sip of water.

I feigned surprise. “Of course not. When have I ever slept with a guy on the first date?”

“That guy you met in Miami.”

“That doesn’t count.”

Which it doesn’t. Kendra and I went on vacation to Miami last year and I ended up meeting this super hot Miami native. He and I hit it off immediately, so much so that I was convinced he was my soul mate. On our last night in Miami I had sex with him, obviously, because he was my future husband and baby daddy and I didn’t even know the next time I would see him. And it’s not even like we went on a proper date or anything so technically I didn’t “sleep with him on the first date.” I haven’t heard from him since we left though.

“I have the perfect ensemble for you, darling. Come look,” Preston called from the closet.

The kid is honestly a genius. He picked out a printed Anna Sui romper and my black Louboutin So Kates. With a chic topknot it was exactly the “innocent sex kitten” look I was going for.

Work on Friday was filled with back to back meetings so I didn’t have time to dwell on my impending date that evening, thank goodness. I did get a text from Eric at around 3 asking for my address. As soon as I finished my last meeting, I taxi’d home to save time and began the long process of getting ready.

After I showered, deep conditioned, waxed, moisterized, and bronzed, I spent another half hour trying to assemble my hair into the perfect casual topknot that didn’t look too messy. Life is so hard sometimes.

At exactly 7:30 on the dot, Eric called to let me know that he was down in the lobby, getting acquainted with Frank, my doorman. I blotted my Nars ‘Dolce Vita’ lipstick one last time and headed down to meet him.

Even in my five inch heels, I felt tiny in Eric’s large frame as he hugged me. The guy is basically a giant. If I were to estimate, I’d say he is six three and 240 pounds of rock solid muscle.

I can’t lie, I was a teensy bit impressed when he let us into a brand new black Bentley GT. I don’t know much about cars (except how to wreck them), but I know a sexy one when I see it. We went to this cute French restaurant, sat down and ordered wine, seared whitefish, herb roasted fingerling potatoes, haricots verts, and lemon crepes.

“How was your day, Reese?” he asked as we waited for our food.

“Busy,” I told him. “We had meetings back to back all day. We have a big warehouse sale in a few weeks and a ton of collaborations coming up.”

“So your job seems pretty important. How did you get to where you are and you’re only 24?”

“Hard work,” I said, honestly. “I worked my ass off doing social media, public relations and marketing for nine months.”

When I graduated from college I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do so my mom’s friend hooked me up with a social media assistant job at the home decor company she was the VP of. Then I realized I wanted to do more – and I wanted to be in charge. So I put in 50+ hours a week trying to prove to Diana, mom’s friend, that I could do it. I increased our Twitter followers by close to 6,000 and secured a contract with Nordstrom and the promotion was all mine.

“It’s certainly admirable,” Eric said, revealing a toe-curling dimple in his cheek. I beamed.

“So what exactly do you do?” I asked, even though I knew.

“Well I play baseball,” he responded modestly. “But I’m recovering from a hamstring injury so I’m taking some time off. I also dabble in some stocks.”

We talked some more, ate our food, and finished a bottle of wine. Once the night was winding down he asked if I wanted to come over to give him some pointers on his condo. Now normally, I would’ve declined all demurely, but I genuinely wanted to see his place and give my opinion.

His condo is amazing – two balconies with sweeping views of the city, ten foot ceilings, mahogany wood floors, and a double sided fireplace – but it is definitely in need of some love. We discussed the possible furniture positioning of his huge (especially for Chicago) almost empty living room, a color scheme, and wallpaper/paint options. Then we made our way to the kitchen and while I was babbling about backsplash ideas, he put a strong on the small of my back and pulled my close. And then he kissed me. Hard. His lips were on mine and his tongue found it’s way into my mouth greedily. It was hot.

Then he pulled away, but kept his face an inch from mine. “I’m sorry. I’ve wanted to do that all night.”

Without a word, I kissed him again and he picked me up and planted my ass on the stone counter top so that I was straddling his waist. He kept one hand on my waist and used the other to pull my long hair out of perfectly constructed bun. He weaved his fingers through my hair and pulled me closer and closer like he didn’t want me to get away. I have never felt that irresistible to a guy and it turned me on.

But to my surprise, he was the one who eventually pulled away. He pulled me off the counter, adjusted himself and didn’t try anything for the rest of the evening. And honestly, I was kind of disappointed. I mean, not that I was going to have sex with him but I wanted to be the one to call the shots.

Overall though, I had fun and after he dropped me off at home Eric sent me a text that said, “I had a great time with you tonight, Reese.” So I’m glad the feelings are mutual.

love. at. first. sight.

Okay I know I said I swore off guys, but I would like to retract that statement. At least temporarily. But only because I met an amazing Major League Baseball player last night and he’s effing gorgeous, obviously.

Kendra and I always go to happy hour on Wednesdays after work. We found a place that was having a special on margaritas so obviously I was game. After my last meeting at 4, I changed into a cobalt blue shift dress and Prada flats and hopped on the el to meet Kendra at the restaurant. You’re not going to believe this, but I don’t own a car. It might be because I secretly dream of living in New York City and living the whole pedestrian/public transportation lifestyle. But it’s probably because I got into eight car accidents in two years and my insurance dropped me. And I’m still mourning the loss of my beloved Mercedes E-Class and I can’t bring myself to buy a new car yet.

We sat at the bar reviewing (complaining about) our days and knocking back margs. I’m super animated when I tell stories (especially after three margaritas) so when I was telling Kendra about this annoying troll in my office named Whitney I accidentally elbowed the person next to me’s drink.

Whoever it was grabbed my shoulders to steady to me (and presumably protect themselves from my outrageous gesticulations) and said, “Careful there little lady.”

I turned and I swear it was love. at. first. sight. The guy next to me looked like a fucking Greek god. He had gorgeous olive toned skin, thick dark hair under a baseball cap, a 5 o’clockshadow that said “I haven’t shaved since last week because I’m busy being important” and icy blue eyes. And he was kind of rugged looking in his worn in jeans, like he’d just stepped out of an Eddie Bauer catalog.

“I’m sorry,” I practically purred.

“No worries,” Hercules said, winking. “You seem worked up. Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine. Just went a little overboard,” I told him.

He introduced himself as Eric and offered to buy my next drink (not that I needed it). We got to talking and I found out that he’s 27, single and has only lived in the city for a year. He told me he just purchased a condo and was in the process of renovating and furnishing it. This got me particularly excited because I work for a furniture and home decor company. It was like a match made in interior design heaven.

He excused himself to go to the bathroom and Kendra grabbed my arm.

“Reese, do you know who that is?!” she hissed.

“Eric? Do you know him?” I replied.

“That’s Eric Grant*! He plays for the Cubs!”

No wonder his biceps were the size of cantaloupes.

“He’s effing hot. And he’s probably filthy rich,” I whisper yelled back.

Kendra rolled her eyes. “I’m sure he is. You sound incredibly shallow.”

Aren’t we all at least a little bit shallow? You would choose Liam Hemsworth over Steven Tyler, am I right?

“I want to go home with him,” I declared. Now, I didn’t really want to go home with Eric. That would be slutty. It was an exaggeration meaning “I want to go home with him but only after he takes me on several dates.” Ya know?

Kendra’s eyes flicked above my shoulder and I turned to find Eric standing over me with a smirk on his face. He let out a chuckle and sat back down in his barstool. I gave Kendra the most menacing glare I could muster for not telling me he was behind me.

Eric and I continued chatting, pretending that I hadn’t basically said I wanted to screw him in his barren little condo. We continued chatting for a while longer and he seemed somewhat amused by me, luckily. I kind of felt bad for basically ignoring Kendra but I honestly forgot she was there. Eric and I were really hitting it off. Finally, the friend he came with was ready to leave so we had to say goodbye.

“Can I see you again, Reese?” Eric asked before they departed.

I had to count to three in my head so I wouldn’t sound too eager. “Of course.”

We exchanged numbers and he promised to call me to discuss “furniture options.” I hope that’s code for “exploring each other’s naked bodies.” But only after he takes me on several dates of course.

* = name has obviously been changed.

dating sabbatical.

The first thing my best friend Kendra said when I told her I was swearing off guys was: “Yeah okay, Reese. You said that last week.”

Which is true, but I am serious this time. After the last few days I’ve had, this is the conclusion I’ve come to and I stand by it.

It started off on Thursday night. Kendra planned a little celebratory dinner for me because I just got a huge promotion at work. She booked a private room in a chic little Italian eatery and all of our friends were coming including this guy I’ve been kind of, sort of talking to for the last few weeks. I even pulled out my Saint Laurent Paris Python pumps so that’s how you know how big of a deal it was for me. An hour before everyone was set to arrive, he sent me a text: “Trapped at work. I don’t think I’m going to make it. I’m so sorry.”

Not to sound like an insensitive bitch, but he’s an ad salesman not a brain surgeon or anything important so I didn’t believe his story.

“Do not worry about him, Reese. You’re wearing your Alice + Olivia dress and YSL pumps. You are going to have fun tonight,” my friend Preston said.

Preston is the gay best friend every girl wishes she had. During the day he works at a fashion house so he is always telling us when our outfits are “too Miley” or “not enough Beyoncé” which is helpful. In the evening he waits tables at a sushi lounge so he hooks us up with tuna rolls and sake whenever we stop in.

Everyone else ended up showing up and we had such an amazing time eating and drinking that I didn’t even notice what’s-his-face’s absence. Then when I got home, after I showered and put on my pajamas I got another text from him: “Are you still up? I’ll stop by.”

And be your booty call? No. I didn’t even entertain him with a response and actually I haven’t heard from him since. Good riddance.

Fast forward to last night. Kendra, Preston and our friend Carly and I went out to a little cantina to celebrate Cinco de Drinko. I immediately hit it off with this gorgeous guy. He worked in finance, dressed impeccably (Preston informed me that his shirt and shoes were Tom Ford), and he put all of our drinks on his tab. I spent an hour and a half of my life flirting with this guy, really laying on the charm and he was digging it. Or so I thought. He told me he was going to find his friends but would come back and find me later. Cool. I needed to discuss the possibility of going home with him with Kendra anyway. (Just kidding. I don’t go home with random guys just because they have on $1,500 shoes. Usually.)

I had almost forgotten about him then Carly dragged me to the bathroom and there my banker babe was: sucking the life out of some blonde chick.

Are. You. Kidding. Me.

Carly and I stared for moment at them groping each other until I shoved her in the bathroom and pretended I didn’t see that disgusting display of humanity.

He had the nerve to come find me later on.

“Oh heyyyy! I’m assuming that girl you were giving CPR to is okay?” I said dripping with sarcasm.

Needless to say, that was last I saw of him.

So I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Not to sound totally pretentious, but I really feel like I’m a good catch. I’ve been told that I’m pretty, I have a kick ass job (just promoted to director of branding, holler at your girl), an amazing apartment (kind of small, but there’s a doorman), and I’m funny. That sounded like the ultimate humble brag, but stay with me here.

I just feel like everyone is getting engaged and married and I can’t even get a guy to meet my parents. Like Kendra. She has this serious boyfriend who is going to propose any day now. I mean, I get it. She just graduated from law school, has a Roth IRA and looks good in red lipstick, but jeez.

In all honestly, I feel like I did something in my past life to get cursed in dating like this. Or maybe it’s because I dumped my last boyfriend for not calling in to work to take care of me when I was sick (you would’ve too. I thought I was dying).

But anyways, none of that really matters right now because I’m taking a dating sabbatical until further notice.

hot mess in high heels.

Tag Archives: dating