i know i’m not a walk in the park.

I was so excited for Wednesday happy hour. Preston and Carly were joining us and Kendra found a place that was having two-for-one frozen drinks. We ended up getting this adorable server who I spent most of the evening flirting with. I realized that I had no desire to date a waiter (personal preference) so I decided to hook him up with Carly instead!

He stopped by our table to check on us and I took the opportunity to begin my matchmaking scheme. I subtly asked if he (Chris) had a girlfriend and when he said no, I pointed out that Carly was also single. I began finding other random things they had in common like both of their names started with the letter C and they both had neutral colored shirts on. They were practically meant for each other. I insisted they exchange numbers after we paid the bill and Carly awkwardly obliged.

As we walked out of the restaurant, Carly asked, “Reese, what the fuck was that?”

I feigned surprise. “What do you mean? I was doing you a favor.”

“Reese, do you remember what happened last time you tried to set one of us up?” Kendra asked.

“What?” I replied.

“I was harboring a fugitive for two weeks because his parents threw him out!” Carly exclaimed.

I erupted in laughter. I completely forgot about that. How was I supposed to know the guy had several warrants out for his arrest? People don’t tell you these things right away.

On my way home, I got a text from Eric inviting me to come over. Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I told him yes and he said he would be over in an hour to pick me up. Though the whole Brooke situation was unclear, Eric expressed that he wanted to continue seeing me and I thought that was really sweet. Plus I had a fresh Brazilian that I needed to show off.

We got to his place and snuggled on the sectional while watching Netflix. Naturally this turned into me bouncing up and down on his dick. Afterwards, Eric began getting dressed and said he was willing to take me home whenever I was ready.

I sat there naked, looking at him. Usually I spent the night without question and now suddenly he was kicking me out?

“Um okay. Do you have something to do tonight?” I looked at the clock on his cable box. “It’s 10:30?”

“Not tonight, but in the morning. I have a meeting really early…” he said, pulling his shirt over his head.

“Can’t you take me home on the way there?” I pressed on.

“I would rather not. Your place is not on the way to my meeting. In fact, it’s in the opposite direction. It would be an inconvenience.”

“I’m an inconvenience?”

Eric rolled his eyes. “I didn’t say that. I would just rather you not sleep here tonight.”

I really didn’t care about spending the night with him that much, but the fact that he was so adamant about me leaving was pissing me off.

“Is this about Brooke?” I asked, in an accusatory tone.

Eric sighed. “No. This is about me.”

“Lies. It’s totally about her.”

“Reese,” Eric started, but I interrupted him.

“You and Brooke are totally a couple. I’m not stupid. I know that’s why you stopped calling me,” I continued.

“No, I stopped calling you because you’re fucking crazy!” Eric shouted.

I was silent. It is rare that a guy can just shut me up like that. But that stung. I know I’m not a walk in the park, but crazy?

“Um, okay,” was all I said. I began getting dressed.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Reese. You just do some crazy shit sometimes,” he backtracked.

I ignored him and finished getting dressed. The drive to my apartment was relatively silent and when we got to my apartment, Eric put a hand on my knee.

“Bye, Reese,” he said with such finality that I knew it was the end of us. I wasn’t particularly sad, mad or upset because I knew I had fucked up any chances with him anyway. But I know I am going to miss our sexcapades. Oh and riding through the city in a Bentley.

“Bye!” I sang and slammed his car door.

He sped off before making sure I got inside safely which was actually really rude.

betrayal.

As expected, I was hungover and miserable all day on Monday and hid out in my office for the majority of the day. I sent BJ out to get me a cheeseburger and a salad. He brought back the goods and stood in my office watching me eat. He totally called me out on being hungover and pretended to be upset that I didn’t invite him out for our shenanigans. As if I would ever.

I decided to clock out early and on my way out, I had to walk past the interns’ cubicles. I was going to stop by and say goodbye to BJ and remind him that I wanted a green tea frappucino in the morning instead of the usual chai, but the social media intern, Amanda, was hovering over his desk. I could tell by the way she was twirling her blonde hair and her foot was cocked that BJ was sweet talking her right out of her panties. And it irritated me. And then I was annoyed at myself for being irritated.

The next morning, BJ and Amanda showed up to work together with matching Starbucks cups. I sensed something going on here and couldn’t wait to question him about it. He came into my office and handed me the drink.

“Morning, boss lady,” he said.

“I wanted a frappucino,” I said, taking a sip from my hot chai.

BJ’s curved into a grin. “Shit. I forgot.”

I sipped my latte and wiggled my eyebrows. “So what’s with you and Amanda?”

He shrugged with his hands in his pockets. “What? I’m just having fun.”

By the way he said this I could tell that “having fun” meant they are totally hooking up. And it really pissed me of because that meant I am not the only one he’s been flirting relentlessly with. So I made him run back to Starbucks and get me the frappuncino I wanted and then spend the rest of the day stapling things and doing bitch work around the office.

After work I went home and poured a huge glass of vino and sat in front of the tv. I was almost asleep when I got a picture message from Preston. It was a screenshot of an Instagram post – from that girl Brooke’s Instagram. The picture was of her and Eric from Sunday night at the club and her caption was: “Had so much fun with my favorite boy last night :)”

In the picture, she was sitting on Eric’s lap with her arms wrapped around his neck. She was a lot prettier than I remembered but still resembled an alien.

Immediately, I typed her name into Instagram and found her wide open profile. Buried in the numerous pictures of her and her friends out partying and her bulldog, there were several of her and Eric, looking all photogenic and lovey. They all had captions like “out with my boy” and “so glad I got to see my babe today.” The photos dated back to five weeks ago. Wait. Wait. Was Brooke Eric’s girlfriend? He told me they were friends!

I calmly finished my glass of wine while trying to decide what to do. Eric had given me no indication that he had a girlfriend or was even dating anyone else. Well aside from the whole incident on Sunday night. We hadn’t agreed to be exclusive nor had a relationship talk at all, but I still felt a little bit betrayed.

Finally, I decided to call Eric. I would politely and calmly probe to find out what I could about his potential girlfriend situation.

“Hey, Reese,” he said when he picked up.

“I thought you and Brooke were just friends. Why is she posting all these pictures on Instagram?” I blurted out.

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t even have Instagram,” he replied.

“‘Out with my boy.’ ‘So glad I got to see my babe today.'” I quoted from her pictures. “So you lied.”

Eric sighed. “I didn’t know she was posting that stuff. We aren’t dating.”

“Oh sure. I don’t even believe you.”

“Reese, I don’t want a girlfriend right now so I’m not with either of you. I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear.”

“Fine,” was all I said. It kind of hurt to hear that Eric had no intention of actually being in a relationship with me. Not that I wanted to. I don’t think.

“Sorry. I don’t want to stop hanging out with you, but I’m not in any position to get into a relationship right now. Okay?”

“Okay,” I said and told him that I had to go. After we hung up, I sat there thinking about what a long day of betrayal I’d had. First, BJ and Amanda and now this. I poured another cup of wine and nursed my wounds.

sunday funday.

Preston got a complimentary table in VIP at a new nightclub on Sunday night so we used that as an excuse to indulge in some Sunday Funday shenanigans. We all met at my place to get ready and I decided to wear a lace Free People bodycon dress, Jimmy Choos and sexed up beach waves. Very boho chic. We took a shot of vodka and toasted to a good night before we cabbed to the club.

When we got to the club, we ordered a bottle of Patron and a bottle Belvedere to celebrate the fact that it was Sunday. This quickly turned into Carly and me twerking on the table and fighting off random guys. Sorry, we party. Preston ended up finding a guy from Grindr who hung out with us and quickly became my second favorite gay ever (he told me I looked “tiny” and “seductive” so he won points with me).

After a while, Carly and I wanted to mingle with other people in VIP and get a cocktail so we grabbed our friends and made our way to the bar. I ordered a Long Island and took a look around the VIP area. There were eight tables total – all filled with attractive club goers – and then leather couches lining the wall.

I was drunk, but totally coherent and I thought I saw Eric sitting in the corner on one of the couches with his arm around a girl. I squinted to help me see better. No way it could be him. Out of all the clubs in Chicago, what were the chances of us ending up at the same place?

“Reese, is that Eric?” Kendra asked, as if reading my mind.

He started laughing and I detected his perfect smile and dimples. It was totally him. Before anyone could stop me, I sat my glass down and started over there.

“Reese! Don’t go over there!” Kendra called after me, but it was too late.

I stopped in front of Eric and his new skank – a half Asian looking girl with played out ombré highlights, a gigantic forehead and a tight red dress. They both looked up at me.

“Oh hey, Eric! I haven’t heard from you in so long I assumed you were dead!” I said, sweetly.

He let out a chuckle without removing his arm from around the girl. “Hi Reese. This is Brooke.”

I gave the girl a sarcastic smile. “Cute dress. H&M 2012?”

She looked down at herself and back up at me. “I can’t remember.”

“Anyways, I hope you guys have a super fun fucking night,” I said and walked away.

“What did he say?” Kendra wanted to know when I rejoined them at the bar.

“Did you see that girl? She looks like she belongs in Splice,” I said and finished my drink.

“You’re definitely prettier,” Preston reassured me. “Let’s get you another drink.”

We went back to our table and danced while I pretended Eric didn’t exist. I had to force myself not to look back over at him and what’s-her-face, but luckily I was having too much fun to care.

Later on, I dragged Kendra back to the bar so I could get another drink and an ice water. While I was waiting for the winking bartender to serve up my drink, I felt someone’s hands on my waist.

It was Eric.

I looked past him to see if that tacky haired bimbo was behind him and glared at him when I saw that he was alone.

“Hey beautiful. What are you drinking?” he asked when the bartender slid my cup in front of me.

“Who the fuck was that?” I asked.

“Reese, relax. She’s my friend,” Eric said.

“Well, she’s ugly,” I said as I took a sip of my third Long Island. This wasn’t entirely true. The girl was actually cute, but that wasn’t the point.

Eric gave me a disapproving frown. “That’s uncalled for. Brooke didn’t do anything to you.”

I ignored him and turned back to Kendra. I felt Eric tighten his grip on my waist and nuzzle my neck. Kendra gave me a weird look and buried her face in her drink.

“Come on, Reesie. You aren’t mad at me, are you?” Eric whispered in my ear.

His breath on my ear made my heart rate quicken. I definitely missed him, but he had gone AWOL and completely ignored my phone call. He kissed my neck and I felt my knees buckle. Asshole. He knows that’s my spot.

“Ken Ken! Reesie Cup!” Preston called, joining us at the bar. “We’re about to get out of here and get something greasy and disgusting to eat. Ready?”

I pulled away from Eric reluctantly, but he held onto my wrist.

“Let’s go,” I said to my friends.

Kendra and Preston started settling our tab with the bartender and Eric pulled me close to him. “Come over.”

I shook him off. “No. I haven’t even heard from you in like two weeks.”

Eric grabbed my ass. “Come on, Reese. I’ve been busy. I missed you a lot.”

I didn’t know if this was true or not, but somehow he talked me into going home with him. We ended up having the most intense, mind blowing sex ever. There was tons of hair pulling, scratching, ass slapping and dirty talk. It made me think we needed to take a hiatus more often.

he might actually be done with me.

Eric still hadn’t called or texted me by the time Wednesday happy hour rolled around and I was becoming worried that he might actually be done with me. It had been an entire week since we’d last spoken and it was the longest we had gone without contact. I, of course, hadn’t reached out to him, but decided that once I got home from happy hour I would.

I met Kendra at the restaurant and considered just ordering the one dollar oysters because being a drunk mess is what got me in the position I was in in the first place. But I ended up ordering a glass of wine and a pomegranate martini anyway.

“How’s living with a man?” I asked immediately, so she wouldn’t start asking me questions about Eric.

“It’s wonderful. I can’t believe we didn’t do this before. It’s really helpful having him around. He cooks a lot!” she answered.

“Don’t you ever want some alone time?”

“John is at the hospital a lot so we have plenty of time away from each other. I get so excited when he comes home.”

It was dim in the restaurant but it looked like Kendra was kind of blushing. Gross.

“You sound like a puppy waiting for his owner to get home from work,” I said.

Kendra narrowed her eyes at me. “So how’s Eric? I haven’t heard about him in a while.”

I drained my glass of wine before answering. I considered lying and saying that Eric and I were great so Kendra didn’t scold me for potentially ruining things with yet another guy.

“I haven’t heard from him since last Wednesday morning,” I blurted out.

“Have you called him?” Kendra asked.

“Well, no,” I started.

“Why?”

“He always calls me. I never call him,” I said.

“Exactly. See where’s that’s gotten you?”

“I’ll call him later. I’m not even worried about it,” I said, sipping my martini.

Kendra started talking about work or something and my phone vibrated in my bag. I tried not to get excited thinking it was Eric because I knew it wasn’t. It turned out to be BJ, asking if I wanted a chai latte in the morning. BJ and I exchanged numbers on a strictly business basis, but he finds any reason to text me. And I hate to admit it, but I kind of like the attention.

I texted back, “Obviously.”

Immediately, BJ wrote back, “Anything for my favorite boss.”

I finished another glass of wine then we headed home. The alcohol had made me loosen up, but I was still a little bit nervous about calling Eric. I literally never called him – unless I was drunk.

I took a shower, blow dried my hair, brushed my teeth, flossed and then I called him.

I didn’t even have anything prepared to say, I expected us to just fall back into it when he answered. Except Eric didn’t pick up. I quickly hung up without leaving a message. At first I got mad, thinking he was ignoring me but then I realized that he said he was almost fully recovered from his injury. He was probably back at work, practicing and having games everyday. He was probably super busy. I decided to send him a quick text in case he wasn’t in a position to talk on the phone at the moment.

“Hey, just checking in. Miss you!”

Satisfied, I popped in a movie and fell asleep.

This morning I got to work and signed into my email and Pinterest and waited for my hot chai to be delivered to my office. BJ showed up right on time with my venti and a cake pop.

“I thought you might be a little hungry this morning,” he said, perching on the edge of my desk.

“Thanks, Blow Job, but I really don’t need these empty calories this early,” I said. I quickly Googled the calories in a Starbucks cake pop and was happy to see that it only contained 140.

“What do we have on the agenda today?” BJ asked as I took a bite out of my cake pop.

“We have a meeting with a freelance graphic designer and then you guys are going to start on a new campaign this afternoon. It should be a fairly easy day.” I took another bite of the cake pop and BJ watched my lips intently.

“I like the way you eat that,” he said, biting down on his lower lip.

I felt heat rising up my neck to my face. Dammit, Blow Job!

I took the last bite of the cake pop and sucked on the stick for longer than necessary. BJ looked like he was going to explode in his pants.

“Knock knock,” we heard at the door.

BJ jumped off the side of my desk as Whitney stepped into my office. “Hey Reese. I have some things for you to look over.”

Whitney dropped a file folder on my desk and looked from me to BJ and back.

“Okay. I’ll get to those this afternoon,” I told her, smiling sweetly.

“Awesome. Thanks, Reese!”

I followed Whitney to the door and watched as she walked out with BJ on her heels. Before he left, he tapped me lightly on the nose. He had no right to touch me so I slapped his hand away. He turned and smirked at me before going to his cubicle.

It wasn’t until this afternoon when I was reading through Whitney’s file, that I realized I never got a call or text back from Eric.

i’m a grown up career lady now.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were a blur of running around getting ready for the warehouse sale. I’m usually quite calm and collected for the most part, but when it’s crunch time everything changes. I turn into a bookend throwing psychopath. It’s best to stay out of my way. I’m proud to say that none of my employees were sacrificed leading up to the big sale. And I really commend BJ on stepping in whenever he could see that I was about to go into a rage and do anything he could to help me. The douchebag was actually a really hard worker.

When Saturday rolled around, we all arrived really early to prepare. I even brought donuts and coffee because I’m a great boss. The doors opened at 9:30 so we had to make sure everything was in place. At 10:00 the place was packed and I finally felt like I could breathe. I joined BJ and another ad teamer, Ryan, plus the social media intern, Amanda in a corner of the rented out warehouse watching the success go down.

BJ looped an arm around my neck. “Look at this place, boss lady. I’d say we did a pretty good job.”

I quickly wiggled out of his grip. No one gave that kid permission to touch me. Especially in a public setting. I have to admit though, he looked really hot in his non-work clothes – gray tee, chinos and Sperrys.

“I’m happy with the way it turned out,” I said, scanning the place.

“We should get drinks after this and celebrate,” BJ said.

“I’m in. After all that hard work we put in, I need a strong beer,” Ryan added.

Even if I wanted to go have drinks with these children (which I didn’t), our company has a strict non-fraternization policy that forbids me from hanging out with any subordinates outside of work. Which is cool with me.

“I’ll go,” Amanda said.

BJ looked at me and smirked. “Coming, Reese?”

“No,” I said, simply.

The sale wrapped up at around 4:30 and I stayed later to recap the day with Diana and clean (watch people clean). BJ stayed with me and we worked on putting leftover paperweights in boxes for a little while. At 5:30 we both decided to get going.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come to the bar? You look like you need a beer,” BJ said as we made our way outside.

“I’m sure. I have plans,” I replied. This wasn’t entirely true. I hadn’t heard from Eric at all since he’d fingered me into oblivion which was weird since it was the weekend. But Kendra
wanted us all to come over for wine but that wasn’t until later so I really had nothing to do.

“All right. I’m going to get hammered though. I hope you have a good night.”

“Are you even old enough to drink?” I couldn’t help asking.

BJ smirked. “I turned 21 last month. I’m perfectly legal, Reese.”

Twenty one seems like so long ago for me which just further proves that BJ is a child and I need to stay far away from him. I’m a grown up career lady now. I told BJ to have fun and we parted ways.

That night we all went to Kendra’s and she made chicken parm. Luckily John was out so we could be loud and get drunk off Cabernet without judgement. After all the wine was gone, Preston suggested we walk down the street to the bar and obviously we all obliged. Because it was Saturday night, everyone was super dressed up and the four of us had on shorts, denim, and graphic tees and my hair was in a super not-chic messy bun. Whatever.

I ended up sitting at the bar talking to this scruffy but cute engineer for the better part of an hour. He actually went to my rival university so we bantered back and forth about that for a bit before he started telling me all about his super interesting (boring) job. Honestly, everything he was saying was going right over my head but I was tipsy and able to ask vague questions that made it seem like I had an idea what he was talking about. He bought us Washington apple shots and then we got started talking about my job.

After my whole spiel about my rise to success, he said, “That’s awesome. My girlfriend works in marketing too.”

I almost choked. “Girlfriend?”

“Yeah. She’s right over there.” He gestured to a tall blonde girl sitting at a table with a bunch of other girls. She was wearing what looked like a knockoff Herve Leger dress, but she was actually really pretty. And she seemed completely unfazed by her boyfriend sitting at the bar with a girl in cutoff shorts and a Victoria’s Secret PINK t-shirt. Honestly, I didn’t even blame her. I didn’t look my best.

Needless to say, that was the end of my days as an engineer wife and I danced with Preston until we were all exhausted and went back to Kendra’s to crash.

the intern.

On Monday morning we had a staff meeting to introduce our new bright eyed summer interns. I sat in the back of the conference room Instagramming my shoes (#shoesoftheday #rockstuds) because this had nothing to do with me. Afterwards, I met with Diana and Dave to discuss some details about the warehouse sale. They kept telling me how excited they were about the batik line and how they couldn’t wait to see what else I had in store.

Usually I work through lunch but I decided to go to the break room to make some tea and find a snack. I was standing in front of the vending machine trying to decide if I wanted an iced honey bun or a plain honey bun (honestly, I needed neither) when I heard someone say, “Just take forever why don’t you?”

I turned and standing behind me was one of the new ad team interns with a playful smirk on his face. He was tall and lean with dark hair that needed to be cut, sleepy eyes and an incredible jaw. He was wearing a pair of amazing fitting flat front slacks with a polo tucked in. Something about his look told me that he liked to drink cheap beer, smoke a ton of pot, and get crazy on the weekends. He was actually really effing hot.

“I’m still deciding. You can go ahead of me if you’d like,” I said.

He stepped in front of me and as if reading my mind, got an iced honey bun. He locked eyes with me as he took a bite.

“Mmmm. So good,” he said.

“That’s actually what I was going to get,” I told him.

He held the honey bun out to me. “Want a bite?”

I shook my head. “I’ll get my own.”

He was blocking the vending machine so we both just kind of stood there looking at each other.

“What’s your name?” he asked after taking another bite.

“Reese. What’s yours?” I replied.

“Brandon. But people call me BJ.”

“BJ,” I repeated.

“Yeah. Like blow job.”

Normally an inappropriate comment like this would warrant a scoff and an eye roll, but the way he said it – so suggestively – made my face get hot. And it really pissed me off.

“Do you know that I’m going to be your boss this summer, Brandon?” I finally revealed.

He gave me a skeptical look. “How old are you?”

“Old enough.”

Blow Job smirked at me again. “Anything I can get for you, boss lady? Coffee?”

“Non-fat, no foam, Stevia – extra hot chai tea latte topped with a sprinkle of nutmeg. I don’t drink coffee,” I countered.

“Oh yeah?” he said, smirking.

“You have six minutes,” I added.

BJ took a bite of his honey bun without taking his eyes off me.

“You’re out of your mind, Reese. This ain’t The Devil Wears Prada,” he said.

He was so cocky and douchey. Who gave him the right to talk to me – his boss – like this? I was kind of obsessed.

“Yes it is. You’re going to be my slave this summer, Brandon,” I said.

He finished his honey bun while staring me down. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He stared at me carnivorously for a few moments before heading toward the door.

“I hope you’re not a psycho boss, Reese,” BJ said before walking out.

He has no idea.

After work I stopped by Kendra’s to say hi and to distract myself so I didn’t go home and text Eric. I’d decided that was going to give him a little bit of space. I knew he needed a break from me/my drunk counterpart so I was going to wait for him to contact me.

When I got to Kendra’s, John was there moving some of his things in. The place was in such disarray that it gave me anxiety. I told Kendra I had a lot of work to do a peaced out of there.

On Tuesday, I got to the office and immediately started replying to emails as usual. I usually spend an hour or so catching up on what I missed/raping Pinterest then I get started on my day. I heard a knock on the door and found BJ standing there with a white Starbucks cup in his hand.

“Morning, boss lady,” he said, walking to my desk. He sat the cup down and I quickly closed out of my Pinterest browser. “I brought your drink.”

I looked up at him, unsure of what to say. He had that playful smirk on his face. It told me that he was imagining what I looked with my clothes off and it made me blush. I never fucking blush.

“This is about twenty hours late,” I finally said.

“Sorry about that. It won’t happen again,” BJ said.

He stayed in my office for a while chatting. I found out that he goes to school at UGA and is in a fraternity, which is obvious. He is studying marketing and advertising – hence the internship and is living with a bunch of his friends in the city this summer. One thing about BJ is that he definitely knows how to talk to women. He says everything so sexually – like he was asking my favorite sex positions and if I wanted to try them out with him. I couldn’t decide if I loved him or hated him.

After he left, I took a sip of the steaming hot chai goodness. I even tasted the hint of nutmeg. Somehow, this goofy kid had gotten my order exactly right. I was impressed.

I spent the day prepping for the warehouse sale on Saturday, keeping the ad team in check and avoiding hungry looks from BJ. After work, Eric called and invited me to sleep over. I can’t lie, I was relieved to finally hear from him. I packed my bag and changed into lululemon leggings and a v-neck. When we got to his condo, we made pasta for dinner and put in a movie. We didn’t mention Friday night at all.

Eventually, we retreated to his bed. We laid next to each other, on our backs, not saying anything or touching. It was weird and I wondered if Eric was still mad. But he’d invited me over and kissed me hello so that didn’t seen likely. I peeked over at him and he had one hand behind his head and he appeared to be sleeping but I knew he wasn’t.

I laid there looking out the window for a moment wondering if I should just hop on him. He must’ve wanted to hook up too, right? And then I felt his hand creep across my tummy and in between my legs. He started rubbing me softly through my panties and it was exactly the right spot so I immediately started moaning. His hand quickened and became more urgent. I glanced over and he was still just laying there with his arm behind his head and his eyes closed. If anyone were to walk in, they wouldn’t be able to tell what was happening and that I was about to come hard as fuck. My legs started trembling and Eric – sensing how close I was – moved in quick, rough motions until I squealed with pleasure. And then he rolled over and went to sleep. It was kind of odd but absolutely satisfying.

*also: I will posting the Q&A Friday morning so comment, email, or tweet your last minute questions!

drunk reese strikes again.

On Friday night, Kendra, Preston, Carly and I went to a party at Preston’s boss’s – a cute high rise with scenic city views. It was an intimate little soirée and we had lots of champagne and vodka cranberries. We left at around 10:00 and weren’t ready to stop partying yet so we walked to a strip of bars a few blocks away.

Preston bought us a round of Patron shots and as soon as I took it, I knew it was going to be one of those nights. We had another round of Patron, danced, took a few of pictures for Instagram, took a parting Patron shot and headed to the next bar. There, I ordered a vodka water. Vodka waters are a sign of desperation and they’re all I drank in college. The fact that I was indulging in vodka waters in my post-grad life was not a good sign.

At some point, our group had gotten separated so Carly and I worked the bar – flirting with guys and getting free drinks until last call.

We went outside to find our friends and I finally pulled my phone out of my Rebecca Minkoff clutch (I still had it in my possession. Small victories). I had several missed calls from Preston and Kendra and a text from Eric.

“Come over?” The timestamp said 10:22 PM. It was now 3:38 AM.

I sat down on the curb (in my white Hudson jeans, ugh) and called Eric. He didn’t pick up and I figured he was probably sleeping.

“Reesie, Kendra says they’re coming out of the bar now. Do you want to get pizza?” Carly asked, drunkly.

I ignored her and tried Eric again. So what if he was sleeping? Drunk Reese wanted to see him. He didn’t answer and I tried again right away. He finally picked up.

“Yes?” He definitely sounded like he’d been sleeping.

“Hey it’s me!” Drunk Reese exclaimed into the phone.

“Dammit Reese! It’s almost 4:00 in the morning!” Eric yelled.

“I know, but I thought you wanted me to come over,” I said innocently.

“Hours ago. I’m fucking sleeping,” he grumbled into the phone.

“Wow, okay. I thought you wanted to hang out.” I felt the hot tears forming. Drunk Reese doesn’t like being yelled at. Sober Reese would have shouted back, hung up and never talked to him again, but Drunk Reese is much more fragile.

“Reese, I have to be up at 7:00. I don’t have time for this right now,” Eric said, softening his tone.

“Well you didn’t have to yell and curse at me. I just thought you wanted to see me.” I was actually sobbing into the phone. I heard Preston and Kendra approach us but didn’t bother looking up at them.

“I want to see you but not right now,” Eric said calmly. “I have something very important to do in the morning.”

“More important than me I guess. Just like everything in your life,” I cried.

I heard Preston ask who I was talking to and Kendra say she hoped it wasn’t Eric.

Eric sighed. “Don’t do this right now. I’m really tired. Can we talk tomorrow?”

“It is tomorrow!”

Eric didn’t say anything.

“You’re so mean!” I was sobbing again and I heard Kendra tell me to get off the ground.

Eric let out a deep sigh. “Fine. Come over.”

“K. Be there soon!” I said and hung up.

I stood up and turned to my friends with a big smile on my face – as if I hadn’t been bawling my eyes out seconds before.

“I’m taking a taxi to Eric’s,” I announced.

“So you don’t want to get pizza?” Carly asked.

“Reese, don’t go bother him. I’m sure he just wants to sleep,” Kendra said.

“Yeah, with me!” I leaned in and gave them all hugs and then hopped in an idle taxi waiting on the curb.

When I got to Eric’s, he came down and let me in in just pajama pants. I never really stopped to appreciate his huge arms, pecs, 8 pack and delicious happy trail.

“Hiiiiii!” Drunk Reese squealed.

“Shhh. We are going to sleep immediately,” Eric said, leading me to the elevator.

When we got up to his apartment, Drunk Reese realized that she should’ve taken Carly up on that pizza offer.

“Do you have anything to eat? I’m starving,” I said.

“No,” Eric said, walking to his bedroom.

I ignored him and flipped on the kitchen light. I opened the fridge and found leftover pizza, leftover Chinese food, cheesecake, and fresh fruit – all of which looked absolutely delicious.

“You lied!” I shouted, taking the box of pizza out the fridge. It appeared to be meat lovers, something Sober Reese would never partake in, but Drunk Reese was drooling like Pavlov’s dog.

I popped two slices in the microwave with no plate or paper towel under it and set it for two minutes.

“What are you doing?” Eric asked from the bedroom.

“Eating your pizza, liar. Can’t believe you didn’t wanna share with me!”

I hopped up on the counter and texted Kendra letting her know that I was safe at Eric’s. After I ate both slices of pizza I dug into the cheesecake. It was divine. As I was shoveling a huge fork full of cheesecake and strawberries in my mouth, Eric appeared in the kitchen.

“Reese, what the fuck are you doing?” he asked.

“Do you want some cheesecake?” I held the box of cheesecake and fork out to him.

“No. I want to go to sleep.”

I took one last bite of cheesecake and followed Eric out of the kitchen. I took off everything except my thong and climbed into bed.

“Eric, you seem upset. Are you mad at me?” I asked, putting my arm around him.

He shook me off and said, “No. Just… Go to sleep.”

“K.”

I rolled over and pinned a few things on Pinterest, commented “you look fugly. xo” on someone’s picture on Instagram, and added a dark selfie to my SnapChat story. Then I turned back to Eric and tapped his shoulder.

“What Reese?” he asked, clearly fed up.

“Goodnight kiss?” I asked.

He quickly turned around and kissed me hard. Luckily Drunk Reese fell asleep after that.

I woke up feeling like complete and utter shit. I don’t know who told me I had the right to drink vodka waters. Eric was standing at the foot of the bed, getting dressed and I debated pretending like I was asleep or getting up. My full bladder made the decision for me.

“Morning,” I said, climbing out of bed. I was still naked and my head was throbbing.

“Hey,” Eric said.

I breezed past him to the bathroom and tried to decide if I was going to apologize for my shenanigans. This was the second time Drunk Reese had come out to play at an inconvenient time and Eric was probably so over it/her. But I was drunk, what was I supposed to do? I finally decided that I was going to pretend that nothing happened.

I left the bathroom and Eric was putting on his hat, preparing to leave. “Do you want a ride home?”

“Yes. Just give me a minute to get dressed,” I said. I found all my clothing strewn across the bedroom floor and got dressed while Eric sat at the foot of the bed.

“What do you have to do this morning?” I asked, to break the silence.

“I have an appointment,” he said shortly.

“Oh, that’s nice. Who with?” I pressed on.

“My physical therapist. It’s starting in fifteen minutes,” he replied.

I assumed that meant I needed to hurry so I finished getting dressed and met him at the door. The car ride to my apartment was completely silent but he leaned over and kissed me when he dropped me off.

“I hope your thing goes great,” I said as one last ditch effort to smooth things over.

He simply said, “Thanks,” and that was the end of that.

I spent the rest of Saturday nursing my hangover.

*note: I’m doing a Q&A on the blog next week. Send your questions to hotmessinhighheels@gmail.com.

if i had a brother, he would be hot.

Monday was Memorial Day and we all had the day off (except Preston) so we road tripped to Carly’s parent’s house in Rockford for their family barbecue. I spent most of the day flirting with Carly’s cute older brother, Kyle. He played football at Stanford and is your typical blonde haired, blue eyed All American guy. We like to tease each other about being perpetually single, but we’ve never actually hooked up or anything. Well, I guess we made out on Christmas one year but we were both really drunk. But we would never have sex. That’s like, incestuous. Carly hates it, but I don’t know why. If I had a brother he would obviously be hot, and I would let Carly hop all over that. In fact, I would encourage it. I would love a sister-in-law to drink with!

When we got back to the city, I spent the night with Eric and then again on Tuesday. I’m starting to feel like things are really working for us. I know it’s only been a few weeks, but usually things would’ve fizzled out by now. I have a mild case of adult ADD and I get bored easily so I’m pretty proud of where things stand with Eric and me.

Diana called me into her office on Wednesday morning.

“Good morning,” she said as I sat down.

“Hi Diana. How are you?” I replied.

“I’m well. I just wanted to call you in here today to tell you what an absolutely great job you’re doing, Reese.”

I tried not to grin too wide. “Thank you!”

“I knew I was making a good decision when I put you in charge of branding, but you’ve honestly exceeded my expectations. This new collaboration is already shaping up to be wonderful and everyone is excited about it and it’s all thanks to you. It’s pretty incredible.”

I obviously knew all of this already but it is still touching hearing it from my boss.

“Thank you so much, Diana. I’m working hard to prove that you made the right decision.”

Diana cleared her throat. “Anyway. I wanted to let you know that we have two new ad team interns starting on Monday. I know you’re busy, but I need you to make sure they are learning everything they need to know and get the most out of their internships.”

“Of course. I would love to.”

The last thing I wanted to do was babysit some annoying college kids, but I guess it comes with the job. Plus, it might be nice to have two more peasants to order around. After work, I met Kendra and Carly for chips, salsa and blackberry margaritas.

As soon as we got settled, Kendra said, “You guys, I need some advice.”

It’s kind of hilarious hearing perfectly put together Kendra say she needs advice. Usually it’s the other way around.

“What’s wrong?” Carly asked.

“Nothing is wrong, I’m just in sort of a dilemma,” she answered.

“Oh my gosh, just spit out already!” I practically shouted.

“Okay.” Kendra looked from me to Carly and back. “John’s lease is up at the end of the month and we were thinking instead of renewing it, he could move in with me.”

Carly spoke up first. “Why?”

“To save money. We want to get married and buy a house eventually. We thought it might be the time to do this.”

“But he’s a doctor. Why is he freeloading off you?” I couldn’t help asking.

Kendra’s eyes cut to me. “We would be splitting the rent obviously.”

“What would your parents say?” Carly asked.

She brought forth a great point. Kendra’s ultra conservative parents would never go for this.

“Well they wouldn’t know. They wouldn’t approve of it since we aren’t married yet.”

“I don’t know, Kendra. Do you think you’re ready for that step?” Carly asked.

I can’t even imagine living with a man at this point in my life. You would have to share the same bathroom and closet and he would probably expect you to cook sometimes and keep the place clean. Hell no. But then I started thinking about living with Eric. His closet is pretty bomb and having a fireplace to snuggle in front of during the brutal Chicago winter would be useful.

“We’re ready. We’ve been together for six years, you guys. We’re ready for the next step.”

Kendra loves bragging about her boring ass six year relationship. The same penis – for six years.

“I say do it. You guys know you’re getting married. It’s smart,” Carly said.

“What do you think, Reese? Should I?”

I took a long gulp of margarita before answering. How was I going to say this without sounding like a closed minded bitch?

“I just feel like if John moves in with you, we’re never going to see you again. He’s going to be there all the time. And will we still get to have wine night and crash at your place? John probably won’t even let you keep alcohol in the apartment.”

“Nothing is going to change, Reese. It won’t affect our relationship at all,” Kendra said calmly.

I didn’t want to get in a fight over this so I said, “Well if you want to then do it. But I wouldn’t.”

We finished up and went our separate ways and I could tell Kendra wasn’t really happy with the way things ended. I know she’s going to do it anyway.

When I got home, Eric called and we made arrangements for him to come by my apartment. In all this time, he had never actually been up to my apartment – just the lobby – so I had some preparing to do. Namely throwing everything I had scattered on the floor into the closet and throwing the bag of Cheetos Puffs (don’t judge) I had lying on the counter in the garbage. My apartment is actually really cute when it’s all cleaned up (I work in home decor, what do you expect?), but that doesn’t happen very often. Hey, I’m really busy (lazy).

We ended up going straight to my room and hooking up then cuddling and talking for two hours. He left at around 11:30 because he was tired and I was a bit offended that he didn’t want to stay the night with me.

*Note: next week I’m going to post a Q&A on the blog. Leave your questions as a comment or email (hotmessinhighhheels@gmail.com) or tweet them to me!

that bj must have changed his life.

I didn’t hear from Eric until Sunday afternoon which was fine because work was insane. On Saturday morning, Kendra and I went to a friends and family sale at Preston’s boutique, spent a ton of money and regretted nothing. Afterwards, we got lunch then Kendra abandoned me because John made plans.

I went home and took a bubble bath, watched Frozen (overrated), then went out for drinks with Carly. I met this hot guy from Boston (that accent – my loins) and spent the majority of the night talking to him. He worked as a project manager and was in Chicago on business. He was hilarious. Carly was busy making out with his friend/coworker in the corner of the bar which I didn’t really approve of, but who am I to judge? Afterwards the four of us went to a pizza place and sat around talking for an hour. Boston tried to get me to go back to his hotel with him but I politely declined. We did exchange numbers in case he is ever back in Chicago. And honestly it was nice to have a distraction so I didn’t tipsy-text Eric and have a repeat of Wednesday night.

I was doing squats with whitening strips in on Sunday when Eric called. He said he was ordering Thai for dinner and wanted me to join him. I said yes, but needed two hours to get ready. I showered, packed an overnight bag and put on something comfortable (high waist leather shorts, loose tank, Bombshell bra).

“Hey there, pretty lady,” Eric said when I got in the passenger seat. Then he grabbed me and kissed me and it was really affectionate so either he really missed me or that blow job changed his life.

He stopped and picked up our food then we sat at his new chrome bistro table and ate our noodles and vegetables.

After we ate, I retreated to the couch while Eric cleared our mess, and he joined me when he finished. We spent twenty minutes trying to find something to watch on Netflix and finally settled on Side Effects.

“Did you have a good week, Reese?” he asked as the movie started rolling.

“I did,” I replied. “It was busy, but I didn’t mind. Big things are happening in my company and it’s amazing to be a part of it.”

“That’s awesome. I’m sure it’s all because of you,” he said.

I giggled modestly even though he was absolutely right. “It is all of us. We have a great team.”

“And you’re still down to earth,” Eric smiled.

“Thank you. How was your week?”

“Fine. Busy. I’m happy we’re getting to hang out now.”

At some point, he’d grabbed my feet into his lap and was massaging them and it felt amazing. I don’t know why Eric was being so sweet to me, but I obviously wasn’t complaining.

We talked about his condo decor and him possibly adopting a dog and then finally he pulled into his lap and kissed me. He pulled off my tank top then my bra and squeezed my boobs in his hands. Eric is like the sweetest giant I know, but he’s so rough sexually. I love it. He doesn’t actually hurt me like Christian Grey (eye roll), but it’s just enough to keep me on my toes.

His shirt came off and then my shorts. I could feel his hard penis between my legs and I really just wanted to fuck his brains out. He wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me so he could pull his shorts down and then brought me back down right onto his dick. Bliss.

I bounced up and down while he alternated between kissing my lips, kissing my boobs, and groaning my name. Then I spun so that my feet were on the ground and my back was to Eric. Basically I was riding him while sitting on his lap. Girls, if you haven’t tried this yet do so immediately. It’s a game changer. He pulled my hair off my neck and kissed me until I came. I was exhausted.

Eric, however, apparently wasn’t and bent me over the side of the sectional and fucked me from behind until we both came. Then we both collapsed and fell asleep on the sectional.

drunk reese comes out to play.

Between the launch of the Nantucket Cottage line, the warehouse sale, and the deal with the Indonesian artist, I was swamped on Monday and Tuesday. I didn’t get out of the office until almost midnight both days and obviously passed out as soon as I got home.

On Wednesday, I gave my ad team a long list of tasks to keep them busy and snuck out by 5:30 to meet Kendra for drinks. We went to a place in between both of our jobs and got a pitcher of sangria. It was gone before I even finished recapping my day so we ordered another. And another. After a while, I needed a bathroom break but it was one of those singular bathroom situations so Kendra told me she would meet me outside. Which was honestly kind of offensive because we always go into the bathroom together. But whatever.

Is it just me or do you never realize how drunk you are until you’re alone in a bathroom? I was sitting on the toilet handling my business, giggling like a fucking weirdo. While I was washing my hands I realized that I wanted to see Eric. I hadn’t heard from him all day even though he usually texts me in the morning. I pulled out my phone and called him, but he didn’t answer. Determined, I tried again and he picked up. That’s more like it.

“Hello?” The background sounded loud, like he was in a bar or something.

“Hey E!” I shouted. I had never called him “E” nor had he given me permission to.

“Hi Reese. How are you?” he replied.

“I’m good. I miss you. Wanna hang out?”

“I’m a little bit busy right now. Can we tomorrow?”

Drunk Reese does not like rejection.

“Why? What are you doing?”

“I’m at a bar watching the game with my friends,” he said.

“So your friends are more important than me?”

It sounded like he stepped outside or into the bathroom because the background noise went away.

“I didn’t say that,” Eric said.

“I’ve been busy all week. Don’t you even want to see me?” I cried.

“I do want to see you, Reese, but I’m busy right now.”

“If you really want to see me, come and get me.”

“I can’t right now.”

“So you don’t want to see me. Wow, Eric, I hope your friends are really worth it!”

He let out a deep sigh. “Are you serious right now, Reese?”

“Dead!” I exclaimed.

He paused for a moment before saying, “Where are you?”

I told him and he said he would be there in fifteen minutes. I emerged from the bathroom and Kendra said, “What took so long?”

“I’m leaving,” I announced.

“Um okay. Where are you going?” she asked.

“Eric is coming to get me,” I said, happily.

We still had a quarter pitcher of sangria left so I insisted we finish it before leaving. When we got outside, sure enough Eric was waiting at the curb in his Bentley.

“Do you want a ride home?” I asked Kendra, who had taken the subway to the restaurant.

She said sure so we climbed in.

“Hiiiiii,” I sang. “You remember Kendra, don’t you? She just lives a few minutes away.”

Eric turned to Kendra in the backseat and said hello. I talked nonstop the entire way to Kendra’s while they listened and didn’t say anything. She thanked him for the ride and gave him what looked like a “good luck” look.

“Did you want to come over?” Eric asked as we left Kendra’s apartment. He sounded exasperated.

“Duh!” I said. I insisted he stop at a 7-11 so I could use the restroom again and get some Twizzlers (I don’t even like Twizzlers).

When we got to his condo, I immediately stripped off my dress and wedges and sat on his sectional eating my Twizzlers. Eric turned on the game and sat next to me, but didn’t say anything. I totally planned on going to his place and having wild, raunchy sex, but Drunk Reese passed out.

This morning, I woke up next to Eric in his bed. I felt awful about the stunt I pulled, but I’m not good at apologizing so I just gave him the best blow job of his life instead. He dropped me off at home so I could get ready for work and told me he would be busy but in touch. It irritated me a bit that he was claiming busy when I was actually the one who would be busy. But whatever.